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Discovered recently that he is married PDF Print
Written by Pam   
There is a guy i am on friendly terms with and he's really confusing me.

I don't really know how to start, i think he likes me, sometimes i think he fancies but then i think i may be mis-reading the signs and he is just being friendly

I've known him now for several months, he works at an eating place i frequent, he's not a waiter so he wouldn't get any tips.
He first spoke to me saying he'd seen me on the train i later found out he lives near me and sometimes get the same train.
Gradually over time when on the same train we'd walk into work together both of us work for different companies but near each other. So we'd talk to each other ask each other questions and all that.

He also has flirted with me. excuse touching on the arm seveal times, and once on the back.

Many times when i've gone into his workplace he has told me to get out that i've been banned, followed by a beaming smile.

There has been eye contact too, more than a couple of seconds worth. On more than one occassion.

Nothing more has happened which i'm happy with as he is as i've discovered recently married. A path that i don't want to go down.

How do i know he's married, well he has a mother in law, a ring on THAT finger and a young boy.

I just want to know what is going on here am i mistaking flirting for plain friendliness.

Sam's Response

 

You say: "touching on the arm several times, and once on the back." Men rarely touch women they don't find attractive. Would you touch a man you don't find attractive?

His joking nature emphasizes the fact that he fancies you.

You say "There has been eye contact too" Eye contact alone can mean nothing, but together with the other signs you have told me about, it is conclusive.

You say: "am i mistaking flirting for plain friendliness" He could fancy going out with you, he could just fancy a bit on the side because his wife is not giving him enough.

When men get married, they tend to find that more women find them attractive. As a consequence some men just can't help flirting, because there are so many other women flirting with him. Some men can't resist having affairs with some of those women.

My opinion on the situation, is unless they have split with their wife or tell you they are immensely unhappy with their wife and are thinking about splitting, then stay well away from going out with this type of man.

Having an affair in most cases is bad news for you, because it is more than likely he wants you as a bit on the side, so he will go home to his wife at the end of the day. Plus if he has been unfaithful with one woman, if he does split with his wife and go out with you, he will more than likely be unfaithful to you as well.

 

Pam's Reply on 08.10.2005

 

Thanks for the reply there.

It's good to get someone's opinion (in this case a male opinion) from someone impartial (if that's the right word)
I was worried i might be jumping the gun but from what you said. I'll certainly will limit contact with him. Can't actually cut all contact with him unless i move house and change jobs. Which is unlikely at the moment and not really pratical.
But certainly will NOT get involved with him.

Thanks for your imput.

 

Pam's Reply on 04.11.2005

 

Yes its me again.

I have been avoiding contact with this man but he lives near me.
Caught the same train last week i didn't see him. And he came and sat with me. He never did that before always choosing a seat further away from me.
He had started talking to me again.
The week before he told me he had seen me earlier and asked if i was avoiding him. Followed by a gentle punch in the arm.

anyway last week while sitting with me he asked about my plans for the weekend (he works weekends i don't). I didn't think much about that. Just friendly banter.
But then he asked if i lived alone. Not if i had a boyfriend or anything. This threw me a little bit.
People i have spoken to have said i should be wary of this guy.

 

Sam's Reply

 

Hi Pam.
You said "I have been avoiding contact with this man. And he came and sat with me". He probably detected that you were avoiding contact with him. And was curious as to why. And now is desperate to get back on good terms with you. And desperation means getting on the same train and sitting next to you.

"he asked about my plans for the weekend" Probably as you said, just general conversation, something to talk about. Or it could be that he is trying to work out whether you have found a man, and whether that is why you are avoiding him.

"But then he asked if i lived alone." Scary! Maybe he just worded it wrong. But then again he may be wanting to find out if you have a boyfriend living with you.

"People i have spoken to have said i should be wary of this guy". Judging by what you have told me in the past and what you tell me now, I think they are right, avoid him.

The fact is, he has a wife and a young boy, so he should not be trying to get women on trains to invite him back to their place. Fine if he is divorced or seperated from his wife, but not if he is seeking a bit on the side. If that is really what he is doing!

If he asks what you are doing this weekend again, tell him your boyfriend is taking you out on a mystery date. Hopefully he will get the idea. Try and sit next to someone on the train, so that he can't sit next to you.

 

 
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