My situation has been going on since December '05. A guy at uni came and sat in front of me in a lecture and asked me what i was doing at the weekend. I told him I was going to the cinema and he was really nervous and red -faced.

Sounds like a guy whose not used to chatting up and asking out women. The more nervous he is, the more he fancies you. Sometimes people are prone to blushing and this blushing can make them nervous.

I didn't think much of it then more and more interactions were taking place between us ( initiated by him) He would strike up conversations with me and seek me out to talk to. He told one of my friends that he thought I was lovely. Once he told me he was having problems with a certain aspect of the course and I gave him my number to call me if he ever needed any "help" ;) My friends noticed he would always be watching me coming in and out of the room and always had to sit close by to me. His female friends would make an effort to talk to me and they knew my name even though I didn't know them ! Sometimes I would here them say "Here's Haley, John") to get him to realise I had just walked around the corner etc.

Yes, he fancies, you. And he has either told his female friends or they have spotted the obvious signs.

At Uni we got placed on a project together, just the two of us as if by fate. Before our project together he called me with a pathetic excuse to talk about the project. he was very nervous on the phone. He told me he had split up with his girlfriend of two years two months ago and was gutted about it at the time. ( I realised that two months ago his interest in me had surged, more eye-contact etc) I was really shocked that he had a girlfriend as I always thought he fancied me! (well he could be telling a porky to get you more interested in him).

When we started out project he kept dropping hints about a future together ie "when you meet my parents" and he was asking me about my future plans for my career as a social worker. I told him that I have family in Melbourne and am considering working there. He came in the next day and said that he had checked the social work journals and we can go to Melbourne as jobs are available. He also kept stressing that he would not go out with a girl who was a non christian, he is a very strict christian from a bible-believing church and said it's always best to be friends first. (I am a non christian)

He is probably stating his standards for a woman. Not sure whether he is trying to say to you, he is not an easy catch and is very fussy about his women or what. Either way, I doubt he would stick to that point about being christian. Though if you did have a long term relationship, he might try and push you into being a christian or adopting christian values.

Then, to turn the tables he said that he would get back with his ex if she ever came back to him.

Again, I think maybe he is trying to say, I'm not so easy. Trying to play the hard to get kind of bloke. But he's not particularly good at chatting up women.

After saying this the very next day we got into a big conversation and he started again how he would not go out with a non christian girl as he views dating as a prelude to marriage etc etc and then he asked me to start going to his church with him, I said that I would think about it.

This guys seems a bit pushy to me.

I started to go to my local church on my own and let him know that I was going. I let him know that I was going and he seemed happy but not overly interested. I thought this was strange as he seemed to really want to get me to church. He asked me in total 4 times. I asked him straight one day, "Why do you want me to go to church with you so much" He said that he didn't want me to go, it was all for my benefit that he was doing it. He was quite abrupt and ended the conversation and walked away from me !

Sometimes, nervousness can cause men to sound abrupt, but also a lack of communication skills with women, leave some men finding it quite difficult to communicate with women.

He can never look me in the eye now and doesn't approach me or want to talk to me anymore yet he continues to stare at me. He does say Hello.

He may have got scared or may even have changed his mind about you. Or he may have fancied you a lot, then thought you don't fancy him, so he doesn't want to seem like a stalker. Or he may have found out other people were talking about him and thought he was starting to look desperate by talking to you. If a man finds out or works out that a woman doesn't fancy him, he feels humiliated and tends to avoid any contact with that woman. He is giving off such confusing signs, that I don't think you, me or even himself is going to fully understand his actions.

Another girl warned me that she thought he liked her (she's pretty) but it turned out he didn't. I mean it sounds like he was friendly to her and she got the wrong end of the stick but nothing like it was between me and him. But maybe that's because I don't know the full story with her or i want to believe things were different between me and him.

I asked him recently if he knows that girls find his behaviour misleading and he said that it's not his fault if girls jump to the wrong conclusions and they should get to know him better first before they get hurt. I asked him this over text and used the term "girls" rather than,"I" as I didnt want to sound too confrontational. He said that it is not his fault he is friendly.

I just wonder what happened here, is it because this guy is a naive Christian that he doesn't realise what he is doing to girls?

To me his behaviour suggested he fancied you. Then he was put off or scorned because he thought you didn't fancy him. So tried to avoid you.

Is he recruiting for the church?

I've never met a young guy that is so dedicated to recruiting for the church. There is believing in what you stand for and pushing your beliefs on someone else. I have never known a young guy, go against the trend and push christian beliefs, because ultimately it would tend to lead to him being picked on by others.

Is he a little headworker ? Is he playing games ?

From your description he sounds like a guy who has been brought up with very strong christian beliefs. But is frustrated by the modern day values of youngsters. In other words sex has become a leisure activity and relationships and marriages are in disarray. This frightens him, because it goes against his beliefs, and he probably lacks the ability to talk about sex and other naughty things that non-christian believers talk about. For example if you start a conversation to him about the number 69 sex position, he would not know what to say, would become extremely embarrassed and would shoot off as fast as a whippet.

He also probably thinks you either do not fancy him or he has looked a little bit desperate in constantly pursuing you. And as an excuse he is now blanking you and pretending he didn't fancy you, and trying to use his christian values as an excuse for a reason he doesn't fancy you and any other woman he looked like fancying.

I would just like an independant opinion :) I don't mind if you say something negative like, it seems like a game all along, I just value honesty and for the time being I have accepted that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend even though his behaviour suggested that he did for a long time.

I personally think he fancied you and is now running scared for some reason (only he knows). But long term I think you're going to find this guy difficult. He sounds as though he is a bit lost in life at the moment and needs to gain some self confidence around dealing with women. And decide for sure what type of woman he wants and develop a better way of communicating with them. He also maybe a bit of a moody kind of guy, (a bit like a hormonal woman, but a hormonal guy instead, oops sorry ladies for that comparison).

I think you should be friendly with him (if you want to be). But don't really pursue him, don't go out of your way to ignore him, but don't go out of your way to talk to him either (play it cool). If he decides he is interested in you again, then gradually work your way back to getting to know him. I think you almost certainly need to get to know him more, before deciding whether you fancy him.