there is a man I know that I have been admiring for about one year.  Due to the fact that he had been in a position of authority over me - I did not reveal my feelings directly to him.  However, I have a sneaking suspicion that he knows how I feel.

At the start of the year, I had a feeling that he did like me but was unable to do anything about it.  As the year wore on he was very friendly and we would always have lots to talk about whenever we ran into each other.  Then suddenly, I started to notice that maybe he was feeling the same as I was.  I could see it in his eyes - I know that seems strange but it was a feeling I had. 

Eyes are very important, you can see into peoples mind and read what they feel about you.  People that hate each other tend to avoid eye contact.  People that like each other tend to hold eye contact and their eyes glisten. 

He would stand very close to me, many occasions I would catch him looking down my top or at my legs, he even playfully hit me a couple of times,

He obviously wants to get hands on with you and likes what he sees. 

tease me about my age when it was my birthday( he is 14 years older than I am),

14 years older and you can expect he at least fancies you in some way.  Whether it be a bit of sex or as a long term relationship.  It's more likely to be a long term relationship with older guys.  He will be well and truely chuffed if a woman 14 years younger than him fancies him and would be even willing to marry her eventually, it's every man's dream.

ask about my kids occasionally or what I did on the weekend, whether I was going away for the holidays, how my house was going ( I am renovating) etc. 

He knows by asking about your kids he can use that as an interesting topic and to demonstrate that he is comfortable about you having kids.  In reality though men do tend to have second thougthts about ladies that have kids.  I detailed the many thoughts of a man in another article I have written: Women and confidence

I decided to confide in the girl I sit with -and she told me about several conversations he has been having with her about me....  Asking everything about me - she said blind freddy could see that he liked me.

He is gathering his information, to get to know whether his approaches and flirting would get anywhere with you.  But also trying to get an idea of other peoples perception of you, your history and whether you will be right for him.

A couple of other girls in the same cubicle all agreed -

Not the toilet cubicle I hope, lol. 

they said the way he goes on about you it is so obvious.

This is all really great - except... just before christmas I accepted a position with another firm and I left.  Christmas came and went and he went on long service leave for a month.  He started back at work last monday and I emailed him to say hi and he emailed back.  He asked how the kids and I were and whether they were all set for school.  I mentioned in my email that I would be popping up and having lunch with the girls that I worked with - and he replied that he really hoped that he would see me when I came up for my visit.

There you go, you can't get any plainer than that.  He emailed you back, asked you how the kids were and was keen to see you.

Thing is - I had hoped by now that he would have asked me out.  True - I haven't seen him as he was on hols and I am working at my new job. 

Exactly, a guy is not a miracle worker.  He can't mystically think that you fancy him and then miraculously work out a way of asking you out when you have left and he was on holiday.

But I had hoped that he would have made some sort of contact to show me that he was still interested.  Am I expecting too much -

Yes, he probably doesn't know for sure that you fancy him yet.  So why take the risk and ask you out.  Now that you have left he is may be more willing to take the risk.

or is it his way of taking things slowly?  Is the fact that he indicated that he really hoped he would see me when I popped up a male's way of not coming on too strong?

Yes, it's his way of saying I like you, I hope to see you again, but I don't want to get too obvious and smother you and follow you about.

I was talking on the phone with the girl I used to sit next to and she says that maybe he is just waiting a while so that it is obvious to other busy body employees that I am no longer around. 

Yes, that's a common thing for guys, they do not want work colleagues to know their personal business, particularly if their personal business works with them. 

I wish I knew what was going on - to me it seems like he has lost interest.  I thought he would be more likely to be in touch alot by email etc as I am no longer around - and I am worried that as I am no longer around he will forget about me. 

But he has replied to your email, so you should reply back and keep the emails going.  The more you keep them going, the more he will realise this lady wants to stay in contact with me, I'm sick of all this emailing can't we just meet up and talk instead.

I don't want to appear like I am coming on too strong but I don't want it to be a case of out of sight out of mind. 

By emailing him, you are reminding him that you are there.

What do you think about this all - and what should I do now?

You need to keep the emails going, not several times a day but a few times a week.  Let him know that you want to stay in touch and hopefully you've read my posting in the past about "men and emails", in the forum and in some of my articles. 

Reply by chocoholic 06.02.06

I emailed you the other day re me leaving and my man not asking me out yet.

Well, I popped up for lunch with the girls on Monday but I didn't see him as he was very busy.  I was disappointed but that's life - it is his place of work and he is a very busy man.

Yes, when a guy is focused on working, even if he is attracted to a lady, he finds it very difficult to switch off his focus on work.  You have to catch him at the right times when he is more relaxed and not focusing on work tasks.

Anyway, I emailed him and said that I was sorry that I didn't see him and that I would be up again in about a month to have lunch with the girls again.  I went on to chat about the kids settling into school etc.

He emailed straight back and was chattering about work and he was glad my kids were settled - he said that was due to the fact that they had such a caring organised mum.  I am guessing that was a compliment!

Yes, certainly was, it's amazing that he emails straight back, it certainly shows some good interest in you.  Men like good mums, good mums are perfect for his children and perfect for nurturing him.

He chatted about a couple of other things and then at the end said he looked forward to catching up with me when I next visit in a month or so.

There you go, you need to remind him just before, so he has chance to prepare and make sure he has nothing else to do.

We had previously discussed a restaurant that he recommended I try.  I went with girlfriends and loved it.  I thanked him in the email for recommending it and he said he "was really hoping I would also enjoy it too."

It all seems so positive so far, he is even recommending restaurants to you, as if he's painting a picture of you and him in a restaurant together. 

Now - thing is I am still at a loss as to where I stand with this man.  So, I emailed him back and suggested that next time he is thinking about going out to the restaurant to count me in. 

Perfect, you've taken the right opportunity and given him an idea that he can take up.  You've given him the opportunity with the thought that you are happy to go but he takes charge and asks you to come.  Because other people are present, there is not enough suggestion that you fancy him, you might just fancy a night out in a restaurant with a few other people.  And it's just brilliant that it followed on perfectly in your email conversations.  So you have made the perfect move here.

Is that too early for me to say somehting like this? 

No, what exactly are you saying "if he is going out to the restaurant with his females friends, can you come?".  There's nothing wrong with that and gives him the option to take the offer up, without the fear of you rejecting it, it's his perfect opportunity.

My concern all along has been that he does not know how I feel - he may have had an inkling.  So, do you think by me suggesting the restaurant it is obvious that I am interested?

It makes it more obvious that you are interested and it's a very good move indeed, but to a guy that is 14 years older, he might just think you are being friendly.  Nevertheless, if he is brave enough, he will take you up on your offer.

Only problem is one of the girls had heard from one the other men in the office that my man was seeing someone.

Shock. 

If this is the case - would he be bothered to email me and say the things he was saying?

It depends what stage his relationship is at with this other woman, and whether he sees it becoming serious.  Are you his better option and if he ditches this other woman, will you definitely say yes, and be a more long term prospect than the current woman.

I am even more confused than before!

Really, you need to cunningly found out more information about this other woman.  You may find that he doesn't take up your offer, because he has to remain faithful to this other woman and doesn't want to be unfaithful to her or lead you on in any way.

Reply by chocoholic 10.03.08

About a month ago i contacted you for some advice about a man I worked with - and how he had not asked me out yet!

Well, things have not been very good.  He still hasn't asked me out yet - despite me saying that next time he went to the restaurant he recommended to me.. I would love to come too.

Anyway, over the past month we email on average once a week.  It is never anything major but he does always respond straight away.

That's still very good if he responds straight away, if he didn't have any interest in you he'd slow down his responses and may even cut off responding.

Anyway, I started a new job and I emailed to tell him all about it.  He was very excited for me and went on about how fantastic I would be at it etc.  He then went on to ask if I was coming up for lunch with girls anytime soon.  I replied that I was coming up on Monday - he told me that he hoped he would see me.

There you go again, he hoped he would see you.  He daren't take a risk and ask you out directly, so he's asking about when you are available with the girls.

Well, I went for lunch - it was fun.  The time came for me to leave and he was in his office with the door shut.  I didn't go in as I assumed he was busy - I said my goodbyes rather reluctantly and left.  I walked maybe 10 metres out of the door and he literally came running out of the office and chased after me.  He said "where do you think you are going?" I apologised and said that because his door was shut I assumed he was with someone. 

Busy working or scared to come out because you were with all the girls.  He would have expected you to knock and see him in the office for an intimate chat, away from screaming, interrupting ladies.  This chasing after you is no co-incidence, he really was looking forward to seeing you.

He then said how great I looked and we chatted for about ten minutes about different things - asking me about the new job, how I was, whether I got my divorce finalised, how the kids were etc.

Whether you got the divorce finalised, crucial point in his mind!

After all the things he has been doing and saying over the last twelve months - why hasn't he asked me out. 

You just gave me the answer in the sentence before.  You have just got divorced.  To a guy that is interested in a long term relationship, he wants to make sure a woman is well and truly divorced before asking her out.

The girls in the office say that eversince I have left he is locked away in his office all day and never comes out whereas before - he was always around whenever I was.

Well what a co-incidence that is, no, it's no co-incidence at all.

I am going to email him tonight and say how much I enjoyed seeing him and that I look forward to seeing him soon.

At least he will know that you enjoy seeing him and that he would be more than likely successful if he asked you.

I get so many mixed messages - surely if he has run after me that shows some sort of interest - you should of seen how quickly he came over.  Of course I could not wipe the smile off my face!!

What do I do now - what point do I think enough is enough and how long does it take for a man to take the plunge particularly if I am 14 years younger and he is probably burnt from two relationships that went bad?

I think you now need to wait until you receive an email back.  If he doesn't reply try being a bit remote for a few weeks.  If he doesn't contact, then contact him again after making him wait for a while.

How do I show him that I am ready and willing - all he has to do is ask.

Say to him, "get your coat you've pulled mate".  No, seriously.  You need to try the above of waiting for a reply to your email.  Then if he doesn't ask you out from that, try being remote and not contacting him for a few weeks.  Then contact him again.  Then you might get some closure by just being straight with him and asking him out.  Ask him if he fancies meeting at that restaurant sometime in the next few weeks.

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