Hello again, really ballsed things up this time. I told my best friend I fancied him afer us being dead close for 4 years and he went all weird and angry. At first he said nothing, and then he said he was confused-then I got impatient and said there was someone else on the scene and I needed to know, and he went all cold and basically said go for it because I dont give a sh**

Telling him there is someone else on the scene, really does irritate a bloke, if he's confused in the first place, you add extra pressure to a situation where he already feels pressurised.  The result is he's more than likely to say something like this, because you are trying to push him into making a decision he doesn't want to make yet. 

I then had a go and told him how I felt he had led me on and that he was incredibly insensitive and for that day we parted on bad terms...

Not a good idea, if you wanted a chance of getting with him.  Throwing emotional stuff at him and claiming he was insensitive and led you on, is basically a guarantee that he's not going to easily persuaded to fancy you anytime in the future, because he will remember this incident. 

anyhow a few days later I got some bad news and needed comfort and couldn't help but to ask for him to be there (after all he is/was my best friend), and he burst out really quite aggresively on how little he fancied me and how ne never made me think otherwise and that it was all in my head and all the stuff I was accusing him about was wrong...

Men don't like to be accused of things like this, he will see you coming back to him with this bad news as you trying to work your way back into his life because you still fancy him.  Plus it blows back at him, the unresolved issue that he was to blame for absolutely everything and you did nothing wrong at all.  It's his reputation at stake.

I was crying at this point and said I just didn't care....and then it calmed down and we were alright with eachother again.  I'm incredibly confused, I wish I never would have said anything but I felt if I didnt I would go mad. Now I think I've ruined our friendship and I dont understand why he was being so mean...if someone said to me they liked me I would have been flattered and tried to comfort them if I didnt like them back....

The problem is the way it happened, you told your friend and I advised you in my last message, don't tell your friend.  You never know how they are going to tell him or in what way they will tell him, plus you never know whether they are the competition and they are going to twist things and tell him things that are untrue. 

not sure how I feel about him anymore, whether I still want to be friends, mixture between feeling embarraced, really stupid and still confused at the illogical way he behaved.

The key thing you did her was you didn't give him space to reflect on the situation.  He became confused, you pushed him, he became even more confused, then you gave him an ultimatum and pushed him into a bad reaction by saying you need a decision because someone else is on the scene.  To a guy that is manipulation and also pushes him into a decision that he needs to take time over to decide.  That is why it has kicked off so much.  Add to that the fact that you then blamed him for various things, like leading you on etc and that leaves a bad impression in a guys mind. 

It really is a fine line between love and hate but I think I may have crossed that line and in retrospect our friendship felt quite supressed for whatever reason and was not enjoyable. He also wont believe me when I said that I only recently started to have feelings for him, no matter what I say. Right I will stop blabbing but I was wondering if you could make sense of this?

You pushed him too far, too fast, once he found out you fancied him, you then went on to blame him.  It's not a good start and to a guy you would have appeared manipulative and pushy, which are not the sort of qualities a guy wants in a woman.  He also found out through your best friend, which I pointed out last time is not a good idea for many reasons.

Following your advise up to now has always worked :-) On the up note I dont hang around much and already have a new bf..but I'm still hurting considerably about what happened and it really knocked my confidence...

You need to focus on your new boyfriend, nothing is going to happen with this other guy now.  It's not the fact that he found out, but the way he found out and the way you reacted afterwards.  It may have been a case of nothing was going to happen anyway, but the one good thing you have got out of this, is you now know where you stand with him and you can move on.  It wasn't meant to happen and now instead of trying to guess for years whether he fancied you, you can now focus on your new boyfriend.  So I suggest you do focus on your new boyfriend rather than dwelling on this guy.

Reply by sillyme 03.05.08

I'm slightly confused with your reply....you kept saying I told my friend and I'm not sure what you meant by that. This is about the query on the row I had with a friend when I told him I fancied him. The last query was about my housemate who also fancied him. I took your advise and spoke to nobody about it (including my housemate) but then told the guy I liked which as far as I'm aware you did not say not to do. Do you think you could clarify this to me? I may be missing the point or maybe I didn't write my question very well.

just realized what the misunderstanding was...I told my friend I fancied him...not that he fancied me....he found out through me and nobody else about my feelings. Maybe this will help.

Ah, yes I was thinking you told one of your friends that you fancied him and he found out that way, then you had the conversations about it.  You will have to ignore the bits where I presume that above.  However I think the rest of it, still stands, you pressurised him into giving him an answer and whilst his answer might well have been no anyway, by adding pressure and blaming him you really turned him off.  You do seriously need to move on to your new boyfriend, because nothing is destined to happen with this other guy.

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