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I have recently been introduced to one of my partner's friends and we
hit it off immediately. My partner is 9 years older than me and this guy is the
same age as me. We started off just getting to know each other and found out we
have a lot in common and then it moved on to a flirty friendship. He hadn't
really spent much time at our house before this (once or twice a year) and
suddenly he seemed to be there all the time. Early on I was stood in the kitchen
and he walked past me and touched my waist and I guessed then there was an
attraction. We progressed to some fairly blue text messages and e-mails and sat
and ate lunch together a few times. Then late one night when my partner was not
around I asked him if he'd come round (I know I shouldn't have and to my
surprise he did. We kissed and he touched me but then he said he had to leave. I
understand why, with him being friends with my partner, and we are now trying
not to contact each other. Problem is I don't think this is just lust (on my
part) and I am finding it really hard not to see him or contact him. He seems
not to be struggling with this at all and I am starting to wonder exactly what
(if anything) I actually mean to this guy. So can you tell me this? Did I just
make a complete fool of myself for someone else's amusement?
Sam's Response
For Ali T
You said "What (if anything) I actually mean to this
guy?"
Well it is difficult to say. He may just want a brief fling with
you and some dangerous sex or he may be very interested in a long term
relationship with you. A brief fling really is too risky in this situation
because he is friends with your current partner, so I would guess he is
interested in you, long term.
This will explain just what a difficult
situation he is in: He is a close friend of your partner. He can find other
women elsewhere but he can't replace his long term core group of friends. It is
likely if he runs off with you or has an affair with you, then your partner and
all his friends are likely to gang up on him. Very likely that a punch up will
ensue and he will be left without a group of friends and probably without you as
well.
You say: "Did I just make a complete fool of myself for someone
else's amusement?" Men are very different to women. Men very rarely gossip, they
keep things to themselves, particularly if it is going to damage his reputation
or result in his friend or friends knocking him out. So he is NOT likely to go
to his friends and say "Guess what, my best friends partner tried it on with me
the other day". No, you didn't make a fool of yourself. If he touched your waist
and even kissed you, then he was obviously interested.
Things just got
too scary for him, he would of probably visualised what would happen if you
partner stepped through the door and saw you both.
Realistically, you are
only going to get together if you are single. Even then I would not make
yourself single just to see if he shows interest. The fact is that you are
partners with his friend and if he is willing to take the risk and is ready to
push your relationship further, he will make the next move.
My
recommendation to you is try and forget about him, unless you have had enough of
your partner. Then you should split up with your partner before making a move on
his friend. Otherwise you are going to cause mental strife to this guy you are
interested in, as well as your current partner.
It's up to him to make
the next move, he is the one who left the situation, when it got too hot. But
don't expect him to come back, because it is unlikely.
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