| Told me that he needed a break from dating because he had just come out of a long term relationship |
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| Written by Sooo Confused | |
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I am so confused I have been good friends with his guy for the past 7 months. We get on really well and have loads in common. The thing is I'm not sure whether he likes me or not. I realised I liked him early on in the friendship and made it known to him. He told me that he needed a break from dating cause he had just come out of a long term relationship.
Sometimes it is hard to cope when you come out of a long term relationship and the best thing for him could be to have a break from dating and relationships, so he doesn't jump recklessly into the next relationship. Relationships can be the best time in your life one moment and then an absolute depressive moment in your life the next. Most women get over it by either speaking to their friends or jumping quickly into another relationship. Most men, don't discuss in detail with their friend, so tend to reflect in their own mind and take a longer time to recover. If they have had a particularly bad time in the relationship then they can often come to conclusion that they would like to remain single for the rest of their life. This thought remains in their mind until a woman comes along that is capable of persuading him otherwise.
I was disappointed but we remained friends. We still kept in contact though at first it was awkward but then things went back to normal, well in fact better than they were. We started seeing each other more regularly and going out for meals and to the cinema which I assumed was just as friends. However in a later conversation he made reference to them as dates.
So he is thinking of you as more than just a friend, otherwise he wouldn't have had a slip of the tongue and called them dates!
We have also kissed and after he talked about us becoming a couple. But he said that there were things he needed to sort out first and that he needed a certain amount of time.
Some men need to sort things out in their head, they like things completed before they move onto their next woman or next challenge.
I tried to speed the process up and he ended up saying that he felt pressured and we should just leave it and remain friends.
Never, ever try to speed things up with a man. It scares the hell out of him, some women tend to go out on a few dates and all of a sudden start planning the marriage, which is seriously scarey to a man. Whilst you probably didn't go as far as that, I just used that as an example of what a man thinks of a pushy woman. Other silly things women do is ask a man if they love her after a couple of dates, a man is thinking "I've only just got to know you, you expect me to give you a decent answer to that question".
Since that he has told me that he loves me and when ever I have a problem he is really concerned he will call me and txt me and arrange to meet up just to try and solve it for me.
Ah, so now he thinks he is losing you, so he gives you a load of bull, saying that he loves you. Just to make sure he doesn't lose you, he makes sure that you know he does care.
He puts every guy that I mention down.
Definite jealousy, he doesn't want another guy getting hold of you. Though sometimes friends can be jealous like this too, including female friends, who get jealous because you might not spend as much time with them if you are seeing someone else.
Whenever we part he initiates a hug. He looks into my eyes a lot when we talk.
He is definitely has some affection towards you, but even hugs and eye contact can signify a close friend. What doesn't signify a close friend is a passionate kiss, so if when he kisses you it is very passionate then that is a very big sign (but only you know whether it is passionate or not).
He txt me and tells me he is missing me, if we are both involved in a project he will make sure that we work together. Though they all seem postive he hasn't asked me out or anything and we haven't kissed since he felt pressured by me wanting us to be a couple.
It maybe that after that episode he is not sure where he stands with you. Yes, he felt pressurised and he shouldn't have been pressurised by you, but does he now feel that he has put you off him by being so sensitive? A lot of men do seem to lack any judgement when it comes to women and relationships and it could be what this man is having a problem with.
He wants to get his past relationship worked out in his head before he moves on to his next relationship. He doesn't want to bring that past relationship into his relationship with you, which is what will happen if you don't give him time to sort things out in his head.
This guy sounds really confused as well, is there some other issue involved here as well?
He said that it may be difficult for us to be a couple because of certain prejudices within his family.
Ah, the other issue! This guy is obviously very close to his family and will only displease them if it is a very very good reason.
But if he really liked me would he not be with me regardless.
Yes, if he liked you, then he would be with you regardless. But the important point here is it sounds from your description that you do not know each other enough to be at that point where he definitely likes you and is willing to say to his family to hell with you, I am madly in love with this woman, if you don't like it tough.
The thing about family is that they bring you up and look after you from when you are a baby, they support you through the bad times in life, when you have relationships with women and they don't work out you can always go back to your family for support. He might feel that he will lose this support if he hooks up with you. For that reason he needs to be head over heels in love with you before he will even consider introducing the idea to his family. It is only then that he will feel that he can risk upsetting his family.
Needless to say my opinion of family in this respect is they might not like who you are going out with, but it is not up to them to pick and choose. If he has made a mistake then he will find out in time and learn from it himself.
Is he just using me to fill up some time?
From what you have said, he has many confusions in his life at the moment. Things happened at the wrong time, you met him after he just split up from a long term relationship (the last thing he wants is the ups and downs of another relationship), you pressurised him at the wrong time, and as a result your relationship hasn't been able to progress to the point where he has fallen head over heels in love with you. If it had got to this point then I think he would have introduced you to the family.
The best thing you can do now is to try and work your way towards a relationship slowly, no pressuring. If he then falls head over heels in love with you (which takes time), he will eventually think what the hell and introduce you to his parents.
It sounds as though he is desperately trying to win you back, and so you have to eventually show some willing to be won back, otherwise he will think you are no longer interested in him and will stop bothering at all.
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