| He asked me to sleep with him and I said no |
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| Written by Bluebells | |
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Right, well i'm getting really confused by a guy that i know.
Basically, we met through work and started to flirt on email and chat on the phone. He then called me up one saturday evening to see what i was up to. From here we started meeting for drinks, watching dvd's and just hanging out together...Then, we went out with a group of friends, and both got extremely drunk. I went back to his place to watch a DVD, and when i got up to leave he kept asking me to stay. I kept getting up to leave and he playfully pushed me back down into my seat. Then there was a pause for a few seconds, and all of sudden he leapt over and gave me the most passionate kiss I have probably every experienced. From here i stayed the night. I made it clear nothing would happen. He did ask me to sleep with him and i said no. When he asked why not i said because, and if thats all you want i'm going to leave now. I admit i did get snappy. Anyhow, i stayed over. I woke up the next day and he looked worried. I made my excuses and left. He came round later that day and told me that nothing was going to happen. He said that it was the alcohol and he didnt know why he did what he did. He was worried that he made you stay and worried that he asked you for sex, so didn't want to either scare you off from fancying him or being his friend and he didn't want it to look as though he was someone who was desperate for sex. He was probably more embarrassed that you rejected him too or believed he was going to use you for sex. I agreed and left it at that. At work ever since it's been totally fine. He continues to keep looking at me whenever we are out in a group situation, or, at work when he walks by my desk. The kiss was about 6 weeks ago now. I've seen him once outside of work socially since, just because its our busiest time of year we've both been snowed under with work. I spoke to him earlier this week about coming out last night. At the time i mentioned i had a cute friend who was single who would be around. He called me last night and said he would come out. He then texted me later when he was on his way and asked me if she was around. After they'd had an initial chat I asked him if he liked her and he said we'll see, maybe. Maybe he was trying to make you jealous, I can't see him trying to look desperate by saying that he instantly wants to go out because you mentioned your cute friend. He only stayed out for an hour last night. I think probably because he was sober and we'd had a fair bit to drink at the time. I didn't really talk to him that much. I did run over to him when i first arrived and gave him a hug, and then i spoke to him briefly before he said he was leaving. I thanked him for coming out as none of his friends were around so he was really on his own. It is a bit intimidating when you go out and your still sober and you have screaming drunken women talking to you. Also I've got to point out the drunken men are attracted to sober and drunken women. Sober men are attracted only to sober women (unless he is looking for easy prey to have sex with), because to a sober man a drunken woman looks an absolute mess and sounds plain stupid. So drunken women do not impress sober men just like drunken men do not impress sober women. The fact that he was on his own and maybe felt a bit like a bit lost and unwelcome on a girly night out might have contributed too. Or maybe he didn't think your friend was that cute after all. Now, i know i'm sending mixed signals by suggesting my friend to him, but, I don't know where I stand with him. Whether he is still interested in me or whether i'm being completely dumb and he was after one thing? I really don't know, because basically you have both given mixed signals. You have signalled to him you weren't interested in sex that night (which I think was the absolute best thing for you to do). Then he goes and makes the mistake that it shouldn't have happened and he was just drunk (to save his embarrassment at making an unwelcome advance). Though actually in a way I think he had to do this because otherwise he would not have kept your interest (you may think I'm judging you here but if he had left it without saying anything about your night together, I bet you would have lost interest in him and had a different perception of him).Then you go and make the mistake and signal to him you are definitely not interested because you want to fix him up with your cute mate. Usually i'm pretty good at reading guys and i find him impossible. He is very, very shy like me. He also told me that when he likes someone he backs off from them, and that it takes him ages to get with girlfriends. I also don't think he is the type to be after one thing, as like me he doesn't normally do the hook up thing at all. When he does what he did and asked you to sleep with him and gets rejected, he has to back off, he has to presume that you don't fancy him. If he doesn't back off he is going to look like a stalker and look like a sex pest. So he has to put some doubts in your mind in order to get things back on track with you. He was bound to look worried when he woke up the next day, particularly if he fancied you. The alcohol would have worn off and the reasoning part of his brain would now be functioning again and the guilt would have set in. Maybe he really fancied you and wanted a long term relationship, but the alcohol caused him to turn off the reasoning part of his brain and advance the relationship way beyond what he would have been comfortable doing if he was sober. The fact that you said no, would have more than likely made him more attracted to you and more than likely, more interested in having sex with you (so that is why I think you made the right decision in stating clearly that you weren't going to have sex with him). Where you did make the mistake though was trying to match him up with your friend, you were already in a strong position after saying no to him, to make him feel even more lower you offer one of your friends to him. This would have signalled for sure that you were not interested in him and were happy to introduce him to your friend, to get him off your back. Now the only way to gain his trust again, is for you to signal that you are interested, so that he knows he can safely flirt with you again, without you rejecting him. I don't mean to give in and have sex with him, I simply mean to let him know you don't mind him talking to you, don't mind him going out with you. Obviously the last two memories of you have been negative ones, one was at the club where he obviously didn't enjoy going and the other was having to apologise to you the morning after your evening together. So far you are both out of synch with each other, hopefully you can now start again, stay sober and get into synch with each others needs (meaning he's not going to rush you into sex and you not going to tell him to try your friend). |
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