this is a follow-up message to the one I sent to you around the end of April, that you have entitled, "He is shy and didn't meet up with me when I visited his city to see my friend, nor did he phone me ".

After that weekend, as you know, I was quite upset, although I understood he was busy, shy and probably not confident to meet me as he would be very tired and was afraid to give me not a good impression being exhausted etc.

Anyway, on Monday we kept on chatting as usual, he apologised that he couldn't meet me, as he finished working at 10pm and also he apologised many times that he didn't even ring me or text me. I made it clear with him that I perfectly understood that he was busy, but that I thought he would just ring me or text me at least... to which he apologised for not ringing me, without explaining why... but I knew he did it just because he wasn't comfortable to give me bad news, being afraid to disappoint me etc.

You are right there.

Just to maybe give you a better idea on how this guy is, he didn't even go to his friend's wedding the following week, as his head was so full and messed up with all the tiredness from work that he just needed to rest, and he was sad that his friend wasn't very happy with him about that.

Well that really is a bad thing though to miss your friends big day.  He must have been feeling low to have missed something like that.  Usually a guys reason for not wanting to enjoy a wedding is because he's disappointed that he's still single and kind of depressed about it.

I tried to console him saying that I'm sure his friend would understand.... to which he thanked me for my kind words... but on my mind I realised that he was really exhausted and realised that he really was kind of feeling the workload on his shoulders...

To be honest he'd be keen to give you that as an excuse as well, rather than give you the idea that he was unsure about meeting up with you, he has to think of a damn good excuse and use something damn good to prove what he was saying. 

I had the impression he couldn't really deal very well with stress, if he even had to renounce to go to his friend's wedding, which would be a very important event. Which made me understand even more on why he didn't meet me the previous weekend.

I wouldn't get that feeling.  Guys are pretty good at dealing with stress one moment and then not so good at other moments.  Yes, it does depend on his personality, but really guys in general are pretty good at dismissing stress.

Anyway, we kept on chatting as usual, he would actually start using nicknames such as 'sweet + my name', dear, babe and things like that... Everything was as great as before but I never mentioned again the topic to meet up. As he was not ready, and he knew I wanted to meet him, it was his turn to do it... when he felt ready.

You are very right there, he wasn't ready and it is up to him to make the next move in that respect.

At the same time I wanted to start calling him (at work, as I only had his work number).. as we said above... but he was always so busy at work that I realised that it wasn't a good idea to call him while he was so busy, the phone call would have just a negative effect.... so I was waiting for him to be less busy and relaxed so to have a few minutes time for a call.... although I was really scared at the idea to call him.. but I knew I had to do it... when the time was right...

Time passed by and he was always extremely busy at work... we kept on chatting, talking about anything, and enjoying our jokes.. he was remembering everything I was saying all the time and was a great listener.. I could talk to him about anything, and so could he.

One day in the chat - it was the middle of May- he told me that he had just booked a holiday on a Spanish island for two weeks, as he was worn out from work and he just needed to stop and have a break... that he was going on his own, although he was not very happy with that and quite sad about it.. but he added that he was going just to chill out and relax, so it was no drama if he was on his own... this is what he said... To which, as I joke, I said, "I could come with you, if you like ;-)" , to which he said, "yes, you could haha :-)", and then I said, "yes, I could, if you want me to :-) " and then I added that anyway he would have a great time there... (although it was a joke, I didn't want him to feel the pressure of it).  Then he said, "I think it would be a bit mad to go on holiday together when we haven't even met up for a coke"....

He is right, even though he seemed to entertain the idea and be intrigued by the idea.  But really, whose fault is it that you haven't met up for a coke?  His!

to which I said that I totally agreed with him... and then (because it had been actually his decision not to meet me by that time - but I didn't say that of course) I asked when we were going to meet then, because I really wanted to meet him... :-) and then he said that we definitely had to meet up as soon as he got back from his holiday, that we would go out for a night, we would have fun together and see how it would go.... then he added, 'but no promises on what will happen, because I don't want to keep your hopes high and then disappoint you :-) let's go out for a night as friends, let's have some fun and see how it goes".... which I said that it was fine by me :-) Then at the end of the day he concluded the chat using nicknames like dear and babe and then he said, "please write to me tomorrow morning as soon as you come to work :-) " which he never did before...

He's starting to get attached and dependant on you writing to him, which is good. 

I was also trying to understand what he meant with 'I don't want to disappoint you' and 'let's meet as friends' when the chat style presumed he actually didn't want to be just a friend....

Well guys find it fun to flirt and talk naughty.  So if you mean talking naughty, guys like to do that with any woman, whether they fancy them or not. 

I was thinking that, again, he was so insecure that he was probably afraid that I would probably not like him when I met him, that by saying that he was actually trying to keep his hopes down, rather than mine.... that when he said "I don't want to disappoint you" he probably wanted to say, "I'm afraid that the way I am (and look) would disappoint you,

Yep, that's how I would interpret it too. 

so let's just say that we will meet as friends, otherwise I will be disappointed if I keep my hope high that you are not going to like me"... What do you think? I might be completely wrong here....

Anyway, he left for his holiday, and the day before he left I sent him a mail with funny emoticons with sun, cocktails, beaches just to wish him a great holiday.... sending him also emoticons with hugs and kisses in the mail... he replied to that, before leaving, saying that the day was so busy at work, and that I had brightened up his day with that mail :-) and that we will be talking again as soon as he was back.

It was a very sweet mail from him and anyway he always replies to any of my mails, even when I just send a joke, he even would reply to those straight away.... he is a very sweet guy :-)

It shows he's keen anyway, at least keen to keep the relationship going, with the belief that something might come of it. 

Anyway... so he left.... needless to say that I was missing chatting with him... but had no way to contact him...  Anyway, guess what happened? After 4 or 5 days that he was on holiday, I received an sms from him, saying "Hi girlie. (His name) here :-) I missed your chat messages, so I said I'd text haha :-)

Shows he's thinking of you whilst on holiday and demonstrates that he's missing you. 

How is work? :-) Here the weather is fab and very relaxing etc etc.. Any news? :-) " You can imagine how happy I was to have received that message from him... I also thought that by doing that he was also willing, at last, for me to have his mobile phone..... which he even didn't feel comfortable to do before.... Anyway, I replied to that... and from that he started writing so many texts.... he sent me about 50/60 texts, saying "I wish you were here with him... ",  telling me he would have liked to have me there to kiss me, telling me what he was doing there, about the weather, and so on.,.. and many of them saying "I can't wait to meet you.... "

It shows that whilst he is not working, he has a lot more time to think and reflect about you, he feels lonely because he has time on his hands and he wants to be spending time with someone special, like you.  Though when he gets back to work he'll have less opportunity to think about you and is less likely to be quite as keen in his messages.

and that he wanted me to go down to his city so we could go out... and that he couldn't wait to go out with me.... You can imagine that all those messages, especially the ones saying that he couldn't wait to meet me.... really put my expectations high and really thought I would meet him as soon as he was back.... I knew he was lonely there, so that also triggered him to write to me... although obviously I believe he must like me and be interested in me to write those kind of messages to me.... Anyway, in the last few days while he still was there.... he sent very few messages... and if before he even sent me messages to wish me a good night and a good morning... at some stage he stopped doing that and he would still send me some nice message, bur more rarely, that he would still  conclude those with, "I can't wait to meet you... etc etc"

He's starting to run out of things to say, and is probably getting bored of texting all the time, but the fact that he still says positive things, is a good thing.  Shows that you haven't said or done something to put him off.

So, I said, OK, there's nothing to worry about... he probably doesn't write as often because maybe he is busy, he got company there etc... and maybe also he ran out of things to say.... Still, I found it a bit strange for him to be so quiet...

Anyway, he came back.... we started chatting again as usual, and since he would always say in his texts that he couldn't wait to meet me, I found it easy and obvious to ask him when he wanted to meet up, that I would be free in the following weekends, so we could meet....He never answered that question, and rather he ignored it....

He wanted to decide when to meet up, he didn't want you to push him. 

At this point I was really confused.... Why would he send all those nice texts about wanting to meet me and then actually avoid the topic when it was becoming close to reality? It was like imagination was perfect for him... but reality had to be avoided.... I started being a bit anxious...

It does sound as though he's hiding something, he's dragging his feet far more than the average guy. 

His behaviour was a bit weird I thought... he would avoid to tell me when we would meet, but every single day, as soon as I arrived at work and logged in to the chat, he would start writing to me straight away....

After a few days like this... him being so sweet and close, but at the same time so evasive on the meeting thing.... I decided to call him... I was so scared to do that, and even when I had the phone on my hand, I was scared to death to call him.. but I thought it was the right moment to do it... he was so close to me, that I thought this is the moment that he starts feeling me as a real person....

Feeling which part of you ;-) 

So, I don't know even where I found the courage, but I called him.... and the call was actually very nice... we would joke, he would talk a lot, asking me many questions, about anything, abut work, about my weekend, anything at all... and he would ask many questions on what I was saying, which made me realise that he is a great listener... At some stage he was telling me that at the weekend he had a friend coming over to visit him as there was a big match that they would go to see together... so he couldn't meet me that weekend... and that he was sorry he didn't tell me before, but he was so busy at work that every time he tried to tell me then he got busy doing something else... then I asked when would be the best time then... and he said that next weekend would be OK, that I could go over.... soon after that he concluded the call telling me that he would chat with me the next day or he would call me"....  and I finish saying that it was very nice talking to him on the phone.. and he said it was the same for him. Of course I was very happy with that call, we talked nicely for more than 15 minutes, him talking even more than me, I didn't even have to start talking about 'meeting up' because he did etc... although I was afraid that maybe that call scared him for some reason, although again, the call went smoothly and nicely.

The next day I started talking to him at some stage... but he never replied.... then I was really scared I really freaked him out with that call... but then I was always repeating to myself that it was right to do that after all the messages he sent to me saying that he couldn't wait to meet me and considering how close he had been recently.

Anyway, next day again, he wrote to me straight away apologising that he didn't write to me at all the previous day as he was extremely busy and had no time at all... to which I said that I understood as I know that he is always very busy.... I felt relieved as I thought that the call didn't scare him then, and that he was close and sweet as before. In fact we kept on chatting as usual, he would write even more than before and being the first one to write in the morning, as soon as I was at work.

The meeting date would get close and he would be closer and closer every day... We were supposed to meet this weekend.... :-( On Wednesday, at some stage, while chatting in the always funny, cheering and sweet way, he would start writing the following, "Listen (my name)... Can I be honest with you about something? This is difficult to say but I have to tell you the truth.. My ex girlfriend, who I broke up with a few months back, has been texting and ringing lately.. Basically she wants to get back.. and I told her no.. Anyway...  she's telling me she wants to give it another go and stuff... and she is wrecking my head.... but I don't want to give her another change and I'm not going to...

Here we go, this is what I was talking about above, there's something that's stopping him meeting up with you. 

but my head is so confused with her... and I just need space kinda thing... so would it be ok if we just remained friends for the time being and all that?" To which I said that then we could just meet as friends, and he said, "We can be friends just to see what happens... She's texting a lot... Just don't want to lie to you or anything like that..

This kind of suggests that he is actually seeing her, but is trying to keep you going until he knows for sure whether she is going to work out or not. 

so I don't know what's going on at the moment...." to which I said that I appreciate him to be honest with me, and he said, "I know you would.. : )" and that I  liked him also because he is a very honest guy, to which he laughed and smiled and added, "As I said nothing is going on or I'm not getting back with her.....but she is ringing and texting and I just don't feel right at the moment, and it wouldn't be fair meeting you or any other girl for that matter..." To which I said that I knew exactly how he felt as I had been through the same in the past with my ex-husband... to which he said, "I know... it sucks.. she's wrecking my head.. and I will have to ring her and talk to her bout this... but she knows she's doing it... bit of a game to her I think... : ( 

Women and in particular ex's know how to get to their guys.  Relationships do confuse men, it's just they don't usually admit it for fear of showing a weakness or indecisiveness. 

It's hard..." So I said that we could just meet as friends, that I know what he is going through and I will respect that and that I wouldn't do anything he didn't want me to do"... and then he said, "I'd prefer to leave it for a bit.... if you don't mind.. Just stay cool for a while as I need to rid her from my head kinda thing.... sorry". To which again I said I understood what he was going through.... and that I was only afraid that he would meet some unexpected girl in the meantime and then I'd have lost my chance even to meet him :-( and then he said, "I know, but it wouldn't be fair you meeting me like this either.. so can we just leave it for a while and stay friends like this I guess..... sorry : (  ... just she's upsetting me so... that's all I can say and its the truth for the time being....." Again, I tried to be understanding, that I knew how he was feeling, because I really do, and I asked him if he still liked her... and he said, "I guess a small bit to be honest..... but I know i cant get back with her... we broke up so that's that... and I never go backwards...

Men never want to go backwards and they do see the logic, that if she didn't work out the first time, she's hardly like to work out the second time.  But women just have a way of confusing guys and making them give them a second chance, even though really it never ends up working out in the long term.  Most guys can withstand it, but occassionally a guy loses his senses and  goes back to her.

She is nice and all.... but I just don't want to.."

So I think the ex girlfriend started ringing and texting him while he was on holiday, when he started texting me much less.... :-(  )

I would expect so.

That was it... I was feeling so bad, disappointed and upset, and still am.... I didn't know what to think... this was too much for me to accept after all the texts messages he had sent me... really too much... With my rationality I understood perfectly what he was going through, and I still do, but I was so hurt and upset.... :-( After a while he wrote again asking me how I was feeling, to which I said that I couldn't pretend that I was fine, because I wasn't, that I was upset... and he apologised saying that he was sorry but he preferred to be honest with me, and I said I was happy he was honest with me, because the truth can hurt but lies hurt even more, and at least with the truth I feel better because I understand better....

Yes, at least you didn't continue to wonder, where you were going wrong. 

and then he thanked me for being so understanding with him.... then, before the end of the day, he said bye and said that he would write to me the next day :-) ... The next day I was actually going to be in training, so I told him that next day I would be offline as I was in training.... At th point he got a bit afraid I didn't want to talk to him anymore and he insisted he would find a way and a time to talk to me anyway......

After that he still wrote to me.. always nice and sweet, smiley and stuff like that... although he was a bit stressed with lots of work... but still the same as usual....

So, I am very confused Sam... and sad, and upset... I wasn't even able to eat for two days and still I'm not very hungry :-( My expectations were so high that now I am trying to find an healthy way to deal with reality and be positive... What should I hope with him right now? Is there a hope even?

Let him know indirectly, your interest in him has cooled, which it should of done anyway.  The ball is firmly in his court and he needs to bat it back to your side before it's your turn to make any moves. 

I know he was busy the first time when I went over.... the second time, he started everything... with his texts... to go backwards at the last minute because of this problem with his ex girlfriend :-(

I honestly believe this is the truth and that he is not ready to meet me because of the reasons he says.... and I understand how he feels.... still, if there was a nice girl out there, I would try to meet her, although I feel so bad because of my ex girlfriend.... but the thing is.... This guy is very insecure, shy, probably not very confident about the way he looks.... his ex-girlfriend probably makes him feel not confident even about the way he is... I don't know.... so probably he is saying, "I like this girl, but I can't meet her right now, because she wouldn't like me as I am so down and upset at the moment....

Or he couldn't meet you right now because he's at a low and has another woman on his mind.  He doesn't want to be anything less that completely devoted to meeting you, when guys meet up with a woman, they prefer not to have other distractions in their life.

and I also don't look great".... so he probably thinks he would blow it totally if he meets me right now.... but.... he likes me to still be there, in the chat, because he doesn't want to lose me that way at least.... and this is where his comfort zone is at the moment....

What should I do?

I think you should continue having friendly conversation with him, but I think it should be him instigating the conversation.  So you need to cool it a bit and make him do the work, to make him realise that you are starting to lose interest. 

I really like this guy... he is great.... we can talk to each other about anything and everything, we can talk and be direct and honest with each other, we laugh together and to each other's jokes, we can cheer each other up... it is such a pity he just doesn't find the courage to meet me :-(

I'm willing to wait until he is ready... but will he be ever ready to meet me?

I think he will eventually, once he has these other priorties out of the way. 

What do you honestly think Sam? What should I do at this point? Obviously I can't talk about meeting up any longer... and actually he did that recently... to go back at the last minute :-( .... I was thinking not to write to him anymore... but then he probably would anyway.... but then, even if he didn't, being so insecure as he is at moment, he would probably think he lost me and blew it up and he would also think that -although I say I understand how he feels- probably I don't really... otherwise I would write and be close to him...

I think you should just get gradually cooler and see if he starts to move the other way and start trying to drag you back in again. 

and maybe I would have the opposite effect... or he could be afraid to have lost me and do something about it... or he could say, "well, she is not the sweet girl I thought... she is playing games like my ex girlfriend..." or he could say, "oh well, she is gone... better for her, cause I'm not worth it anyway, she's better off with someone else'.....

Try the cooler reaction first to see what happens with that.  I don't mean treat him badly, I just say wait for him to chat to you, don't you instigate any chatting. 

What do you think Sam? I think I will still write to him... as I'm really fond of this guy and want to make him feel I am close to him and that he is a great guy and  I enjoy talking with him, although I am very disappointed.

Do you think I could say something to him to make him change his mind? or to make him recover sooner and healthier from this mess he has in his mind?

I just think, don't mention meeting up again.  It's now up to him to give you a date and a time to meet up at some point.  There's no point in you hinting to him that you want to meet up. 

Is there anything I can do to meet him one day? Because to be honest with you, as much as he wants to meet me, I have the feeling he will never pop the question and have the guts to actually go and meet me :-(

I think he will eventually, it's just a case of how long he will wait.  You can't be waiting around forever, so I think you should be considering your other options.