A bit of advice if i may.
Firstly i believe at long last i'm finally over the married man i fell hard for. I don't really see him about as much now.

OK that is very good progress.

But there is this new guy i'm starting to like, although i've known him a long time i don't really know him.

Our interactions are brief but regular, sometimes i think he might like me, when he seems extra attentive. Other times i'm not so sure and tell myself not to be so stupid.

That is the way things ought to go in the early stages of fancying someone. It seems as though their interested and then it seems not. This is because if you constantly seem as though your interested it tends to put the other person off (this works for male and females).

Hes a manager in a well known chain of restaurants, nothing fancy and i know most of the staff i'm a regular customer. So the only time i see him is when he's at work, so can't ever take up his time.

When i go in there if he sees me and is busy he waves at me.

That's good because he obviously either values you as a friend, customer or potential girlfriend. But at the moment I can't distinguish between the three, it's just better than him not making any effort at all.

Usually calls me darling/sweetheart but again that doesn't mean much.

This always sounds a bit patronising when I hear a guy say this, but anyway this demonstrates that he finds you at least a daughter figure if not a potential girlfriend. You wouldn't call a guy sweetheart or darling unless you were fond of them as a friend or as a potential boyfriend, the same applies to a bloke calling a woman this.

He did compliment me on my perfume but i've been told even guy friends do that.

Yes, I've been known to comment on a ladies perfume, if they are close female friends. But I'm most likely to say that sort of thing to a woman I find attractive.

He has a few times when i've gone in taken my order, something i've not seen him do with other customers but then that could be because i'm a regular.

Yes, it's true, but then why single you out, surely there are other regular customers, do you see him giving them the same treatment?

But he might even have ethics about dating a customer since i'm in there a lot of the time.

It's true, that he is a manager and his customers are valuable to him. It is his life and does he want to embarrass himself in front of his colleagues and customers by making a move on a woman that may not fancy him. I think he will think twice about doing this. But if he has a degree of certainty that he knows you fancy him, that is more likely to tip the balance and persuade him to make a move. Obviously you probably don't want to embarrass yourself either, because it is one of your regular eating joints. But you have less to lose than him, you could simply go eat somewhere else, he would have to find a job somewhere else.

This only goes so far, yes he may have ethics, but if he really does fall for someone, then he is likely to break those ethics. He just has to be convinced that you really are worth him breaking those ethics.

But is there anything i can do without embarrassing myself or himself as i would like to get to know him better.

Just gradually engage in more conversation, pretend your a friend. You could start off with brief bits of general conversation and then build them up into longer conversations. It's unwise to throw yourself straight into a long conversation unless you both end up doing so naturally. All you need to do is be prepared for him when he comes over to see you, be prepared with something that will make a conversation, even if it's just about the boring weather. Or even read a magazine and comment about something in a magazine, the important thing is the answer is not just a yes or no, he has to make some conversation and you have got to be prepared to listen to him and respond to what he says. You can't just jump the conversation stage and go straight to the date, because you will be meeting somebody on a date that you have hardly spoken to before (that's just awkward).

I know you say that he doesn't have much time at work, but if he really wants to get to know you, he will make some time.

Additional Comments submitted by Pam on 20.01.07

Now because i wasted so much time on the last fella (about 2 years) i don\'t want to repeat the same mistake.


I realise it is still early days and this guy that i like but only see him when he\'s working. But would it be too foward of me if i asked him out or should i not.

If so how would be the best way to approach. Guess i would know for sure and if he said no i could get on with the rest of my life

Of course i might then have to find somewhere else to eat.


I am also worried if he did and he did say no the other staff would find out and i'd be totally embarrassed.

The best tactics to successfully get a date out of this guy, would be to engage him in conversation whenever you can. You need to concentrate a lot on that conversation and see if you can drop the potential of a date tactfully into the conversation.

For example you could end up having a conversation about something at the cinema, in which case you could drop a hint that you wouldn't mind seeing it, if he then says I quite fancy seeing it too. There's the perfect opportunity, shall we go and see it together then....

You have got to work the conversation into an opportunity like this, there

Are plenty of other opportunities that can be worked into the conversation, that can hint at going out on a date, you just have to converse intelligently.

Other things to try are to accidentally drop your business card on the seat as your leaving, or drop a piece of paper with your mobile and e-mail address on. It may be picked up by him or maybe picked up by someone else, if it's picked up by someone else then you can always move onto another method.

To actually come straight out and ask a man out so early on, would be very foolish. Firstly he is working and will have his working brain set to on, asking him out with shock him and he won't know what to say, secondly you don't know him well enough yet, thirdly he is in front of his colleagues, so if he wants to run and hide he can't.

And yes, if you do make a fool of yourself you may want to find another place to eat, then again you may just want to be brave and think, I'm not bothered what other people think.

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