Sorry to bother you again but I have a new dilemma!! I have recently seperated for my boyfriend and updated my website to reflect this. Within moments I have received a friendly message from an old school friend, how are you etc all friendly banter. We are both quite sarcastic by personality. Anyway he asked me about my new singledom and what had gone on etc asked him if he was drunk as it was late at night he said he had had a drink but was not drunk. So he decides to call me straight after that by then it was 2 in the morning!!! We had a great laugh and he told me how gorgeous I looked and gave my ego a fantastic boost. He knows that I'm still sorting my domestic situation out and I'm moving out and things not right with his other half either. Anyway after 3 hours the phone call ended. That was a few days ago and since then nothing I know he's online but he hasn't contacted me. Feel really disappointed can you tell me what's going on?

I think you are quite literally having a "woman moment" here (only joking!).  Do you realise what you have written in this message? He boosted your ego.  So did you boost his?  He phoned you.  So have you contacted him?  Do I need to say anymore?  He's gone out of his way to make you feel good, he's contacted you, don't you think your turn comes eventually?  Or do you expect him to be a mind reader, and magically think, she wants me to contact her? 

He's probably sat there thinking why isn't she contacting me, I phoned her up the other day and we had a brilliant chat.  It maybe that something that was said, he didn't like, but you will never find out unless you contact him.  Maybe he has run out of things to say after your 3 hours chat.  Maybe he was drunk? Whatever is the case, you won't find out anything if you just sit there thinking "Hmmm, why isn't he contacting me?"

Reply by jools24 24.02.08

Ok I bumped into his sister the other night in a bar before she went home she called him to ask him something. I said I'm going home in a moment wait until then to call him anyway she's chatting away and then she shoved the phone in my hand to talk to him.

Cringe!  So had you told her about him not phoning and that you like him?  Putting a guy on the phone like this is not a good idea.  You will have been nervous about what to say and he will have been equally nervous.  A guy likes to prepare for conversations like this.  There's two things that result from this, he is so embarrassed about sounding like an idiot and also he kind of gets the idea that you like him but in a short sharp shock kind of way and too soon.  Certainly not the best of ideas.

Omg it was sooo awkward felt seriously desperate and embarrassed we were both just rambling. Anyway I sent him a message when I got home and asked him how he was. I know he's been online but there's absolutely been no reply I'm gutted I think I will just move on. What do you make of that Sam?

Just move on, especially if he doesn't reply.  If he doesn't reply then he obviously isn't missing you very much, if he's not missing you much, he's not worth bothering about.

Reply by jools24 07.04.08

You said if he wasn't in contact he's not worth it. Well he was in contact and I slept with him feel stupid now but didn't at the time.

Ouch, plenty of women do it, I never understand why, but then I'm not a woman. 

Later the same day he called me to ask if I was ok and was telling me all about his day and everything.

That is very positive, it shows he cares and he is maybe trying to initiate regular contact, of course it could mean he's trying to keep you sweet ready for the next sex session. 

Kept asking if I was alright and pointed out that I'd got his number on my phone now.

So he's testing how keen you are to stay in touch with him, he doesn't want to be making all the moves he wants to see if you are devoted too. 

I sent him a text a few days later and he didn't reply.

A few days later is not good.  In that time he would have thought you were not going to contact him again and would have moved his thoughts on to another woman.  Women probably think they are going to look desperate texting back too soon, but really you shouldn't leave it to the opposite extreme and contact him too late.  It shows you are not that interested and he thinks you are not going to text him at all, so he sees another perfect woman in that time and jumps at the chance.  Whilst you shouldn't throw texts backwards and forwards incessantly, texting the next day is the best option.

I feel bad cos I know he has a girlfriend and he was telling me how bad things were on the homefront. I told him that I wasn't falling for that one as in 'my partner doesn't understand me' scenario.

That's why he isn't texting back, because he has a girlfriend and she is probably a better option than you at the moment, until he gets to know you more.  The difficulty is, he's now had sex with you, so it's going to be difficult to get to know you more, because immediately as he sees you, he's going to be thinking, sex.

I'm just soo confused and don't know what he wants from me if anything at all I need to know where I stand it would be better if he said it was just a one nighter.

The fact that he contacted you back afterwards to see how you were suggests it wasn't a one night stander to him.  He at least saw you as a regular sex session and at the most saw you as a potential replacement to his girlfriend (but it's too early to think anything beyond that).  He maybe got a bit taken aback that you took so long to communicate with him after he indicated you could contact him.  This gave him chance to have second thoughts and also to find another potential lady.

We absolutely get on like a house on fire and had a great night together. Can you tell me what's going on? Why would he ring me and point out that I had his number?

Because he wanted to see whether you contact him and whether you were interested.  He probably expected you to contact him back sooner, like the next day or he might just be expecting you to contact him the next time you fancy going out.   

Was it because he wanted me to ring or was he just seeing how the ground lies and if I was gonna tell anyone??

He definitely won't have been trying to find out whether you will tell anyone.  He will have that covered in his own way.  He will have wanted you to ring him and he would have wanted to test how keen you were to stay in contact with him.  And it would have also saved him having to make decisions about when to contact you and what to say.  If he'd asked you out the next weekend, then he might think, you would think he's wanting to go out and then have sex.  If he contacted you all the time, you may have thought he was been too keen etc etc.

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