i will be very gratfull if you could help me with one promlem i have with one guy. his name is darren, i met him in my workplace where he comes to collect some stuff 2 or 3 times a month. at the beginning i didnt pay much attention to him till one time when he was waiting for a late work and we had few minutes chatt. i really enjoyed it a  lot and from that day i was always around to hava a chat with him whenever he come. i realised he was single as me and we always talked about things we enjoyed doing and so. we were both trying to know eachother.

as he seemed to be a bit shy after few months i decided to ask him out for a coffee.  i hardly do anything like that but i had a feeling he liked me too so i decided to be  brave and next time he arrived i chatted him up a bit and finally asked him if maybe one day we could meet up outside of work for a coffee. his raection was quick and very positive.

That instant reaction says it all, he was so pleased to be asked out by you. A guy that was unsure would pause for a bit and make some excuses.

he said we will and he asked me for my tel numbrer. he lives 60 miles aways from me and he said he would come over. i was very happy that everything went so well, even we didnt make any special plans. he took my number and said he would text me later. as he said in two days i got from him many texts over one weekend, nice ones like how is your day or did you sleep weel and so on.

That's good, he's making some effort to keep in touch, before he's even arranged a date. 

on sunday night the last text it was have a good week at work, see you soon.

he got silent after that i got a bit confused. why? first so many messagess and then nothing, to be honest i started thinking i would be getting these messages all the time.

Sometimes guys can run out of things to say.  Presuming you didn't say anything in the texts to put him off, maybe he was just thinking at this point, wait for her to contact me to open up some conversation or I'm not quite sure when I want to meet up yet.  So next time I contact her it will be to give her a time when I'm free.  Yes, he might be starting to get unsure about you, but really you should not presume the worst.

but i was wrong, after few days i wrote him text to ask how was he and asked jokilly if he was still alive bacause i didnt hear from him for a while. was i too needy?

If you invited him out for coffee and he didn't know that you fancied him, then something might have gave him the indication that you fancied him.  That is probably a wrong move at this stage.  Because you should meet up for coffee and then decide whether you fancy each other, not before then.   If he gets the idea you are too into him or want to move things too quickly then he might back off.

Shall i wait till next time i see him at work?

Yes, that would have probably been best.  See your text was a bit pushy because you made him feel as though you had some sort of hold on him already, by pretty much telling him "why haven't you text me, you should if we are seeing each other?".  That is scarey to a man and makes him wonder whether you want him in your pocket and doing slave labour for you after a few dates. 

and to make things even more complicated the next thing i did was as soon as he arrived to my work place after 2 weeks i asked again what about out coffee.

Again, you are making him think, he will do things on my terms and telling him that you are angry that he hasn't pulled his finger out yet and asked you out for coffee.

i know i probably rushed things to quickly and was too pushy but i thought he already said yes so i wannted to know when. but this time he was not that opened and said to me that he wanted to be honest with me and he didnt want any relationship right now. was i really to needy or what happened that he has made a step back? 

I don't think it was just what you did that made his decision, I think after thinking about it, he thought of some other disadvantages of going out with you.   So, yes your pushiness probably played a part in it, but I think if he was really into you, he would have still asked you out for coffee.  I would say something in your texts over the weekend made him change his mind, or something that personally happened to him over the weekend changed his mind.  Because ultimately he stopped texting you before you sent the pushy text, that must have been for a reason.

he still said that we can go out for a coffee sometime. i got upset a bit about what he said and as soon i got home i sent him a text to apologise to coming too strong and wrote a text that i really liked chatting to him and i think he is really nice guy and i wanted to see him ONLY AS A FRIEND, even it is not true i just wanted to save my face. was it mistake to tell him to see him only as a friend?

No, not really a mistake.  He probably knew you wanted more than that and was only saying it to save face, but really that's what I was going to recommend, act like a friend to him and tell him you only consider him a friend.  Then it's up to him to make a decision whether he likes you enough to make it more than friends. 

i still chatted to him whenever he came to work and never mentioned going out again.

after 2 months he suddenly said we could go out for our cooffe. he told me he could come aroud christmas, as he said we went out.

So now he's got his head around it, he's realised that maybe you are a good catch and you have given him time to work that out. 

it was quite nice, he came over, he lives 60 miles from me but nothing really happened. we talked like friends, i am very shy and didnt tell anything how much i like him.

i dont want to scare him too. i just am so confused, dont know what he thinks and feels, maybe he is confused about me too.

he seems a bit shy too, he is not a kind of player, never tried to kiss me or do anything i would like him to do. he stoped texting me too, only ocasionally.

Guys will stop texting, if they run out of things to say or if they want to leave things to say when you meet up.   If you constantly text and phone all the time, he's not going to have anything left to say when you meet up.

after we went out,before coming back home he said we have to meet up again, but never made any plans.

Did you respond positively to that, and say, "yes I enjoyed meeting up, I'd like to meet again sometime"?

i still talked to him occasionally at work whenever he came and after few weeks i asked him if maybe he fancied to meet up again. he said he was busy at that time but he will let me know.

Guys like to meet up when they know they haven't got a busy schedule.  Some guys like to pre-plan meeting up a few weeks ahead and fit you into their diary that way, other guys prefer to leave it til last moment and make sure nothing else has come up. 

and again after such a long time when i started to think he doesnt care any more he tells we can meet up again in the end of this month? why it takes him ages to come back to me? and does he care?

I would say he was busy in that time.  You would expect a guy to say a few weeks but, if it's a month, then I'd say he was still very unsure whether you are right for him. 

 i will see him in some time how can i tell him i relly fancy and i like him as a person and a friend but also fancy as a man as well.

I think you need to slow down and just pretend you are meeting up as friends.  You don't want to tell him you fancy him, let him work that out himself, let him make some moves on you.   It's way too early to be telling someone you fancy them.

i has just changed my work as well so i dont have any more chances to talk to him at work any more.

i will see him in some time when he will come over and now i dont know how i can move thing forward and let him realise i fancy him without scaring him off.

It's up to him to make the moves, he was the one that wanted things to slow down.  So it's up to him to make the moves and indicate to you that he wants the relationship to progress.  If he doesn't do that, then he's obviously not that bothered. 

i feel this is my last chance to sort things out and i dont know what to do.what about you sam would you drive 60 miles to see somebody if you didnt like someone?

I wouldn't!  But then driving maybe one of his hobbies, so 60 miles might seem like nothing to him.

i just cant figure him out. another thing is he hardly text me but always was nice whenever he saw me at work.

That's nothing, men hate texting and phoning women all the time.  He has other things to do in his life, even if he's going out with her, he wants to be able to get on with his work, get on with chores and get on with his friends, without the phone ringing every few minutes.  Men can't multi-task and men usually aren't socially driven.  They prefer to communicate in person and see a phone as something that is there for emergencies or things that can't wait.

how can i know what he thiks about?

I think you need to slow down and let things progress at his pace.  You can't just kiss and hug on the first date, declare your love for each other on the second date, and then have sex on the third date.  It's just not right.  You have to move at the pace of the person that is moving the slowest in the relationship or else choose a guy that is going to move at the same pace as you. 

soory for all my mistakes but i come from poland and my english is not that great sometimes.

From Poland,  I understand every bit of what you were saying, you are far better at english than some english people.

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