I have been married for 7 years and we have one child together.  Just recently my man seems to have been changing towards me. He blames me for things around the house that I haven't done, stupid little things like their being a bit of water on the floor or the dog not being shut in his kennel properly.

This usually happens when men retire and become grumpy and lack self esteem in themselves. 

Other possible circumstances include you have done something to seriously annoy him.  If this was the case then these moody attacks will have come on suddenly and then if you carried on doing minor things to annoy him it would have just continued on the back of the big thing that you did to annoy him.  The crucial thing would have been when he started this, had you done something that could potentially annoy him.

Another common one is women and nagging.  Have you been nagging him constantly about things, this will lower his self-esteem make him depressed and then he will take it out on you.  Because you are nagging him, he will want to raise his self-esteem back up by making himself think that you are just as bad because you don't do this and that. 

Has he got work problems or financial problems?  Another problem that lowers a guys self-esteem and makes him depressed, if there is any risk to his career, he will become frustrated and lost and that will reflect on his personal life.  Work and career are his basis of his self-esteem, though a stable marriage is also a very strong point.  I'm sure if he became unemployed his wife would eventually become fed up with him and move on to a bloke that had better career prospects and that's one of the reasons it affects his self-esteem a lot.

It's not so much what he says but his attitude towards me. He says this stuff in an accusing tone. I am always trying to be in a good mood around him and don't create bad feeling over stupid things. He is always doing things that could potentially annoy me but I choose to let it go because it dosen't really matter.

A few of the paragraphs above can be ruled out by your last two sentences then. 

I only have Thursdays off in the week to study and he is aware of this, I work part of the weekend so don't get time then. He goes out now on Thursdays and this makes studying awkward.

Why does that make studying awkward, if he goes out?  I can see a potential clashing point with a bloke here.  Are you spending too much time on your studies and career and not enough time on your family and the home?  What career are you looking at doing?

Although a very old-fashioned attitude, a lot of guys do not like their woman having a better career than them.  They feel as though it makes them look sub-standard and feel as though the woman will be disatisfied that she is earning more than him.  It will make him feel as though the woman will not value him anymore and that will make him show signs of being resentful, jealous, depressed and lacking self-esteem.

I think my thinking has taken me towards the reason here.  Part of it is your studies, part of it is he probably feels as though you are not paying enough attention towards the family and looking after the home.  Guys still place a lot of value on a woman who stays at home looks after the children, looks after the house, keeps the family together and looks after him.  He is displacing the real issue by nagging at you about things around the house because he knows that by telling you the reasons I mentioned in the last sentence would make him sound stupid and sexist, yet as a bloke that's the way he has evolved.

Whilst the past century has brought a sexual revolution where women can go out to work and have just as much power, a lot of men haven't really evolved and come to terms with that.  They feel as though women are stepping on their territory and doing things that were their strong point.  Leaving them feel undervalued and lacking self-esteem.  Of course they can't tell women this because it will make them sound sexist, old fashioned, weak and unreasonable and indeed many men don't consciously know why they still have these thoughts. 

The problem is although there are some men out their that are now happy with the role reversal of becoming house-husband, most men are still not particularly good and don't particularly like that role.  So when a guy chooses a woman he usually chooses a woman who he sees will be good at cooking, good at doing the housework, good at caring for his kids.  When she then ends up having a career and putting pressure on the family time he gets frustrated and can't really come to terms with it.  The modern day of living does put an immense stress on family life. 

OK so I'll summarise three points that he may have a problem with.  Your lack of care around the house, your lack of time for family life, he feels as though he doesn't know you anymore because you are not spending enough time together.  There maybe just his perception and you may feel quite different that you are putting effort into those things.  You maybe able to rule some of those reasons out because I am just basing my reasons on what you have written in your message to me, whereas you are actually in this situation.

However saying all this, I can't rule out that something else isn't grinding him down, like his own career, which is causing him to take it out on you. 

I have told him but he rants and raves about working all week and being entitled to a night out. (Like I'm sat on my arse all week doing nothing!)

I'm sure he knows you are not sat on your arse all week doing nothing.  The problem is he probably sees that you are doing the wrong things with your time, not the things he wants you to do. 

He completely got the wrong end of the stick then proceeded to tell me he is starting study for his exams in October and wants to be left alone in the evenings to study! This all seems rather selfish and one sided like his study is more important than mine and I have to work around him.

Again it's this thing nagging away at him, that you are busy and you can't fit in the things that he wants you to do, so he is making it even more difficult by saying that he needs to study as well.  He is saying to you that our lives are not fitting in well together because you are too busy doing your own thing.  Traditionally the woman was at home and would fit her routine around a guy, who would go out and earn the money.  Now he is left having to balance things that he does with things that you are doing and he is finding that pretty much impossible. 

If he rings me during the days and my phone is off he has a strop when he sees me.

Both husbands and wives do that, they get frustrated that they can't stay in contact with their partner all day, some do it more than others. 

I have to turn it off during lessons but he still starts an arguement.

Again it's time management, he wants his wife to be there for him, to help him sort out his problems and discuss things with him.  Yet whilst a lot of wives are at the end of the phone to deal with his problems, your time is so limited and I agree you can't go turning on your phone during lessons. 

I am starting to feel stifled in this marriage and our sex life is going down the pan also. He dosen't make too much effort anymore and when we do manage it he either finishes too quick or he turns into flaccid frank!

I think it's a mixture of things, lack of self confidence but also a lack of respect for you anymore and he doesn't value you enough anymore, because in his mind he sees you as a sub-standard wife.  Something about you is really eating away at him and it makes him feel as though you are being selfish, so he needs to be selfish back to punish you.  This is not a good situation for you to get in.  I think much of it, is his fault because he can't communicate with you, what the real problem is.  Probably through a mixture of men's pride but also if he tells you that he thinks you are not spending enough time on his priority things in life, like the family and the home and him, then he is going to sound sexist and unreasonable and you are just going to laugh at him or argue with him.  There may be even a problem that he feels he doesn't know you well enough anymore and therefore he can't tell you the real problem, because you might use it against him.

I have asked if theres a problem but he says no and that he's just tired and we do it too late.

There is a problem, you both need to find out what the problem is, then try your best to work out a solution.  If you told me just one of the things above, like he nags at you about things around the house, I would probably just say to you he might be going through a bad time and if he's only nagging you occasionally this is just normal husband behaviour.  But you have said he is also trying to avoid spending time with you and he is not satisfying you sex wise and that just says to me he certainly has a problem.  Again I notice the words "too late", everything you seem to be saying involves "time".

Fair enough but with a child running around it can be difficult! I have a high sex drive and am very tempted to have a sexual affair or just kick him out and find a new partner. I'm not somebody that puts up with this kind of thing for long especially as he has been given chances already. I'd rather just cut my losses and start again. Is this situation just likely to get worse?

If you don't find out the real problem.  You are not going to know what problem you are trying to resolve.  I believe that he's got a problem with your role as a wife, but he either can't say that or he is confused about what reasons he has.  That problem revolves around time, being there when he needs you and you performing the role of wife in it's traditional sense.  As a modern day woman it's probably quite frustrating because you may find it sexist this guys perception and you want a life too, but when a guy chooses a wife these are the sort of values he wants.  He wants a wife that will look after the house, care for the children and care for him and be there to solve the problems that a man is not capable of solving.  She is a partner in life and a partner in business and he wants to use her qualities so he can relax and concentrate on building his career and building his family and he wants you to use his qualities and talents.  If you both stop using each other talents then he sees that as a failure, because it's no longer a partnership but two people competing for who should be top dog and who should be in control.  Who should fit their time around who, instead of fitting your time around each other.

Is this what marriage becomes like after 7 years together and you know each other well?

I think it's a case of it's more likely to happen after this time because the honeymoon period is over and you stop worshipping the other person.  It also depends on the basis of your relationship before marriage and how you well you got to know each other.  For example did you rush into having sex with each other before you got to know each other, did you rush into getting married, did you rush into having kids.  If you rush things with relationships then it's more likely that you didn't get to know each other well enough before making your decision to get married.  You also need challenges in a relationship and you need to work together as a partnership to overcome those exciting or not so exciting challenges.  The first set of challenges is to get to know each other, the next set of challenges is to enjoy having sex together, the next challenge is to get engaged, the next challenge is to prepare for marriage, find a house, merge your finances, next challenge have children, then all of a sudden you are struck with what challenge is next?  You've had children so what do you do next, have more children?

I know you can't tell me what do in this situation  but some advice on why he may be acting like this would be appreciated.

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