I am a 23 year old female. I am currently with a partner I have been with for four years. We had broken up, but then found out I was pregnant, and got back together. Since the birth of our son a year ago  he has not touched me sexually, though I have tried to cater to his needs a few times.

I have heard a few ladies talk of this type of situation before, I can't really begin to understand it because I've never been in this situation myself and I don't know any male friends that have been in this situation with their girlfriends or wives.  Very rare that I say this, but I might not be able to give you much advice on this situation. 

I can have a punt though, now you have had a child he doesn't find you sexy anymore.  This could be because you are not dressing to impress anymore or making any effort to look good around the house.  Women often become angry if this is suggested and feel as though they shouldn't need to make that effort, now she has children, he should love her and want to have sex with her.  But a man's mind works differently he still wants his woman to look good.  He won't dare say this though, because this would most likely cause an argument. That's where the stand off starts, he won't say what he thinks because he doesn't want to cause an argument or hurt you.  You believe you shouldn't have to look good anymore or don't know what the reason why he doesn't want sex with you is and so you remain silently unhappy with him.  To try and work out whether this is the case, your best idea is to start dressing up, have your hair done and make yourself look good, of course because this is a punt, I'm presuming all this and this might not be the case.

Other common situations are related to the child, he didn't really want to have a child, it happened by accident and he feels the need to stay with you and the child.  But doesn't want to risk having another child by having sex with you.  Another odd situation and I can't really understand it myself but I've heard it happens, men become jealous of the child, because you give the child lots of attention and not him.  I can't even begin to understand that notion, but the fact that he doesn't have sex with you would maybe be punishment for not giving him enough attention.  I somehow doubt this as a reason but nevertheless I've heard about this possibility.

I stopped doing this a couple months ago, because the lack of reciprocation was getting to me. I have tried to speak frankly to my partner about this, but he simply told me he he didn't have time to worry about that right now, and that maybe at the end of the school year he could think about it (we are both students).

Were you direct when you asked him or did you waffle and speak indirectly about it?  A man can understand and give you an answer to the question, if asked calmly: Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?  It's short and he knows it's question and knows it requires his opinion.  What women do tend to do is throw out several paragraphs with maybe a question in amongst it, which just confuses a bloke and he ends up wondering what you are asking or saying.

This September, I met a French exchange student at our university. He is a complete nerd, but in this adorable way that I love.

Whether he is a nerd or not, what is more important is that you fancy him and have a good rapport with him.

We have much in common, and have become good friends. Recently, I have begun to develop a very strong physical attraction to him.

French men and women have a different culture to English and Americans, they seem much more forward about their sexuality, sensitive, passionate and much more romantic (in fact I think a lot of English people do have these qualities they just feel the need to hide them). I think the different culture makes them a lot more exciting to an English person and that's probably what you are experiencing.  The problem is they tend to be friendly and even flirt to a far wider range of people and it's sometimes a struggle to figure out which one they see as friends and which one they actually fancy.

I'm thinking he feels the same about me, but I'm not positive. He knows about my situation with my partner, and has frequently advised me that, "if the relationship doesn't work out, I'm strong enough to move past it," and that "I deserve to have time to think about myself, too" and that I deserve some "attention." When I asked him if he thought I should have an affair (with anyone, not him), he told me I might not be able to get the attention I need from that.

I always ask that someone thinks very carefully before having an affair, particularly when a child is involved.  But it seems you have gone beyond the point of decisively making your mind up, so there's no point in me saying anymore than that. 

I'm interested in an affair, I'm beyond the moral reasoning of it at this point. I'm neglected and hurt, left alone with my son most of the time even when my partner's home (he's usually down on the computer playing a game).

It is completely unforgiveable if he spends no time with you or your son.  When men get in from work or from college in your case, they need time alone to think about what's gone on during the day and de-stress, even if you think he hasn't had much stress he still needs time to reflect.  The ways men usually de-stress when they come in from work are as follows: read the newspaper, watch the TV, sleep, play a computer game, they need to be alone.    Any of these tasks allows him to de-stress. A woman talks to de-stress, a man likes some escapism to de-stress.  You usually can not get a decent conversation out of a bloke within the first half an hour of him getting home, he needs this time to un-wind, get his head straight and de-stress. 

However after that initial half an hour maybe on his computer system he should devote some time to you, your son and doing some chores around the house.  What I'm trying to make clear to you here is never, ever try to engage him in a conversation when he has just got home, because to a bloke it's like coming home to a full scale assault by a woman, even if you want to talk about something good.  You should always keep your conversation brief at this point, give him chance to unwind and then he should be more ready for a conversation.  If you do try and engage him in a long conversation everytime he comes in, you will find he spends longer on the computer, because you have given him more to de-stress about and he may want to avoid your conversation or at worst he will stay out longer and go to a pub, because he can't de-stress at home.

In your case though, you seem to indicate that he is playing on his computer all the time and not giving you or your son any attention.  You clearly need to do something about this.  You really need to find out why he is doing this.  To do this you need to be calm and non-confrontational and have a conversation with him at the right time when he is open to conversations.  A few things to avoid doing when you want a conversation with a bloke are never raise your voice, because this will result in him raising his voice and becoming angry.  Never make statements like "you never have sex with me anymore", if you had sex last week, men take things you say literally and if you say "never" when you did last week, he will immediately think you are being confrontational and childish and he will become defensive.  So it's best to say "why don't we have sex very much anymore, am I doing something wrong?".  Don't make it sound as though he is to blame for anything, you want to know what's wrong with him, if you blame him for something you are just going to make him defensive and he is not going to give you the real reason why he's not having sex with you.  Keep it short don't throw several paragraphs at him, for example highlighting every instance where you could have had sex, this is just bombarding his head with words and he can't take all this in, and will quickly try to run away.  And don't be indirect, men are not mind readers if you are saying one thing and meaning another, he can't magically understand what you are saying.  He understands straight questions, not questions that are not really questions.

A lot of relationship breakdowns are caused by the differences in communication between a man and a woman, it causes a downward spiral of the relationship and neither the man or the woman understand why.  Men and women communicate differently and it is important that both a man and a woman in a relationship adapt to the other persons way of communicating and compromise.  It's important that he spends time with you and your son and gives you sex, so basically you need to communicate with him in a calm, non-confrontational way to find out why.  I have no doubt whatsoever that it's difficult for a woman to communicate with a man, but I also have no doubt that it's difficult for a man to communicate with a woman.  Women are far more socially intelligent than a man, so I think a woman can use this social intelligence to adapt to a man's way of communication.  She can then become bi-lingual and be able to talk to a woman and a man effectively, once a woman cracks this art form, she finds it much easier with men.

Needless to say if you do try and talk to him in a man friendly way and he still doesn't respond, you have either done it slightly wrong and it hasn't been man friendly or he really is not worth making the effort over.  Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship and if he can't do that, then there is not much hope for the future of your relationship.

 
However, I don't want to approach my French friend and risk losing his friendship if he's not interested.

Yep, you could risk losing his friendship or risk losing the chance to get with him.  But it's best to keep on being friends with him and seeing how the relationship progresses.  At the moment you don't know have a good idea whether he fancies you and therefore it's too risky to make a move on him.

One night when he and another of my friends went out drinking, he mentioned that "all of his friends think I want him." I teased him about it and he quickly added, "of course I don't think so."  I think this is probably his way of trying to find out if I want him or not (he's not very smooth - it's one of the things about him I find attractive).

That's the conclusion that I would come to as well.

Later that evening, he walked me home, and when he went to leave I asked for a hug, which I received. I drunkenly mumbled something like, "You're a nice person, I really like you," and he repeated it back to me.

He mirrored what you said and had no hesitation in saying it, need I say anymore!

When I was cold another night, he rubbed his hands up and down my arms briskly to warm me up.

This guy is making every effort with you, going beyond what a man would normally do in the early stages of a relationship.  In fact it's almost as if he is pretending he is in a relationship with you.  By you initiating a hug and saying you are really nice and I like you, if he did see you as a friend he won't anymore.  You would have awoken his sexual feelings about you and it would have given him a warm feeling about himself about his relationship with you.  You have obviously done this at exactly the right time with him, because he obviously hasn't indicated any uncomfortableness.  You also made him brave enough to rub his hands up and down your arms, which is a clear indication that he now feels comfortable about touching you.  The reason he is comfortable is because you asked him for a hug and said some nice words to him, which will have boosted his self-confidence and made him realise you won't mind some light touching.  This will allow your relationship to progress much further.

During the day, when my son is in daycare and I have a break in classes, all I have to do is text him and he'll either come see me or tell me where to find him.

These are all part of what I said above about french men, they are not afraid to be romantic and do things for a lady, at an early stage in a relationship an English guy would probably avoid doing these sort of things involving a child. 

I'm sure at some point there was attraction, but I'm thinking I may have slipped in to the "platonic" zone. If so, I don't want to risk losing his friendship, but if there's a chance for more, I could really use some affection. I would really appreciate your advice, I have no one else to turn to.

I think you have won him over, by instigating the hug you have started things rolling and he will know he can be more bashful with you now.  You are comfortable with him touching you and you have to continue to signal that you are comfortable because he will want to push the boundaries further if he fancies you.  The friendship thing is working well and for that reason, I think you should continue as a friendship for now, because it's making you both relaxed and you are enjoying each others company.  Maybe if things start to slow down, you could ask him for a kiss.

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