I'm not sure if you are the correct person or this is the correct website to be talking to you on this issue, but this problem has bothered me for sometime. Hope you won't think I'm wasting your time. But I am feeling confused what is acceptable or about conforming to certain social structures?

I am a happily married lady & love my husband- nobody I could depend on more. But I am discovering or feeling more dissolusioned wi women friends/work colleagues, & I'm beginning to feel happier enjoying more men's company. There are a few, v few, women colleagues who make me laugh, I feel comfortable wi or feel on a similar wavelength. But the majority of women colleagues I find I get bored by the conversations I have, I have nothing in common wi them & they tend to be v bitchy. I know these women are just colleagues & I will never consider them as true friends.

From a blokes point of view, I find women immensely funny a lot of the time.  Their irritating habits do include being bitchy, whinging constantly about minor petty things and double standards and constantly wanting guys to do things their way, rather than the way a guy does things.  So yes, men and women have their differences and sometimes those differences can be annoying.  For example a whinging woman is one of the classic examples of why a man likes to get out the house and go down the pub, so he doesn't have to listen to a woman whinging about him.

As for bitchy, I'm not sure whether women enjoy this or feel as though they are making a rapport with the friend they are bitchy with about someone or whether they genuinely hate or are trying to compete with the people they are being bitchy about.

In short, I am not happy in their company- I am disgusted by some of the other female's behaviour which I find a turn off, have little patience to developing a healthy, open friendship wi them. I find quiet alot of these women v uninteresting people to talk to, shallow, v superfical, I feel I'm wasting my time/hate enduring being around them, or time just absolutely drags wi them & mentally tiring.

I do find a lot of women that I date to be very superficial.  I've been on dates where a woman has just said to me, you are muscular enough for me (I'm thinking are you stupid? just because I'm thin and athletic doesn't mean I don't have muscles (I'm toned but lean), are you just been thick and you really mean, I'm not fat enough).  Other dates I've been on, I've had women seem very interested in me and then asked one of the following questions "Do you have your own place?", "What car do you drive?", "What do you work as?".  They then don't like the answer to one of those questions and all of a sudden show a complete disinterest in you.  It's a car, I drive it.  I don't have my own place but would do if I had someone to share it with and that's my current job, I can easily change it, if I want to.  So, yes, I do find a lot of women to be superficial.  It tends to be women I don't know too well, women I know quite well, seem to like me a lot and don't give a toss about those superficial things, but then most of the women I know are married or have boyfriends, so probably aren't that bothered about those things about me anyway.

But I feel different & much more happy wi myself & more positive, esp around three guys who spring to mind at work, & who I've spent sometime wi getting to know.(I sense they may fancy me but I don't fancy them). Although I enjoy a bit of banter wi these guys, as I am a jovial & fun-loving person wi everyone,I have made it plain I am married & don't want anything physical. Or want to give impression of leading them on, except enjoy their company & friendship.

That won't stop them trying. 

I've noticed I am very comfortable- I can be myself individually wi these guys. I find them v interesting to talk to, have loads in common wi them/we are often on same wavelength, we make each other laugh & I am happy & time just really flys. These guys have indicated to me they like my company & look forward as I do to working wi them. What is so wrong wi this, please tell me?

I don't think there is anything wrong with this.  Two people of the opposite sex, like each others company.  It could be just as friends, it could be more.  Typically when women get on well with mainly men, it's because they are good at making friends with them, they are not necessarily a potential for a long term relationship, more someone who the men can have a laugh with.  Slightly different to laughing with male friends, but also immensely different to laughing with the usual females.  I've got to say that men find feminine females more attractive and women they have a good laugh with, more like one of the lads.

I feel more accepted wi them & less judged. Our time together is always fun & miss their company when not seeing them for a while. It just feels so natural to be around these guys, instead of these women I'm often around at work, who sorry to say don't know how to treat other women wi respect, or are not very nice personalities to know.

It's a matter of different personalities, your personality goes well with males.  These other women prefer chatting amongst their female friends and bitching because that's what they like doing.  Everybody has different personalities and it's important to recognise all women and all men don't completely act the same.  

I've tried, but seriously, I feel like I'm flogging a dead horse or trying to get blood out of a stone, attempting to generally develop a warm, basic friendship wi some of the other female colleagues.

What is going on here, Sam? Is there something wrong wi me?...Is it a bad thing, for me want some personal happiness, feel accepted & have normal friendships or dare to enjoy men's company, apparently more than women's, who aren't really inrterested in a genuine, honest friendship wi me & I don't get benefit wi them either?

I just think you have a different personality to the majority (but not all women).  Your personality suits more of a male bonding typing friendship, usually associated with ladettes.  I don't think it should really bother you too much, you have a husband and you have male friends, you don't really need to bother with women unless they suit your personality.  There's no point in being with women, if you feel like a lemon.

I am aware that for guys they may use friendship wi women as a stepping stone talking women into something more intimately physical. Or guys may think if any woman talks to them for any length of time or finds them an interesting person, that means a woman fancies them, because I don't want that.

It's true yes, but hey, men are useless at figuring out signals and women often say the most confusing things and pretend they don't fancy a bloke when really they do.

Do guys (tho they may fancy a woman sexually & may hope for more) also like to enjoy a woman's company or have lots of women friends socially?

I think where the woman is like a ladette, he wouldn't mind giving her a ride and having her as a friend too.  The problem is this doesn't usually work out like that because one person or the other eventually gets attached and it usually ends in disaster. 

I have never been v good making friends or mixing socially, because I've been shy & lacked self-confidence in the past. Over recent years I've returned to employment & in turn has improved my social skills & enjoyed what this has done for my ego.I feel a much more happier, positive person - I like who I am, even if other's don't approve. But I'm feeling v confused what's considered socially appropriate, wi out female colleagues thinking in the gutter what is going on wi me wi these guys. 

Females are always going to be jealous about your contact with guys.  They feel as though you are the competition because you are close to the guys.  When really all you are to these guys are either friends or a bit of fun, if you are up for some sex.  You are not competition for them, because these other women are most likely the sort that guys will go for long term relationships with, even more so when you state you are not interested in a relationship with these guys yourself.

Some of the guys of various ages who I get on wi (& suspect fancy me are foreign/black) & the women I am getting hassel wi are foreign also. If these guys do fancy me, I am flattered, but not tempted to get intimate wi any of them. Neither am I after attention, or want to get into a woman's competition who is the most attractive or get the most attention from guys.

I think women confuse friendly attention with sexual tension.  Your attention with guys is purely friendly with probably some flirting for fun and banter, other women confuse that for sexual tension and competition.  When really they are the type of women guys seek for a long term relationship and you are just a laugh to the guys and a bit of sex on the side, if you are open to that sort of thing.  As you have more contact with guys than these other women, you could say you may have more chance with a guy than they do, but that's only because they are probably not as straight with men as you are and that you have strength in the numbers of men you know.

Life's too short to waste my time being around folk who make me feel miserable, & would rather seek out company I will be accepted for who I am. Also, am I not allowed to choose my own friends, whoever they maybe? Should I even care what these other female colleagues think.

No, you shouldn't care, you are happily married and you have male friends to keep you entertained, let them say and think what they want, as long as you are happy that's all that should matter to you.

What do you think is going off here, Sam? Like I said eariler, I've not been a great mixer in the past, even tho I'm really enjoying it at the moment. But I'd appreciate your opinion.

I just think you've got your confidence in yourself back from going back to work.  You find a guys company better because that suits your personality and that is why you confidence has increased.  I hate most men and have better female friends than male friends, those female friends annoy me at times but men annoy me more.  On the opposite side of the coin, you have more male friends and women annoy you more, I don't see that as a problem, it's just out personalities.

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