I am a mature woman and I am in love with a  male friend.  We have been friends for years, I was a particular friend of his wife.  Unfortunately, she died and I was the person he called on at the time to help ease the pain for his children, and I was glad to do so.  We were never any more than friends at any time during this period and didn't even consider such a thing.  Then my own marriage of 25yrs finished under awful circumstances, for which I was not responsible in any way.  This man was extremely kind to me as a friend, providing help that is more than one would ask of anybody.  In time I felt deeply for him, although he was unaware of this.  One evening, two years on, I sent a text and he phoned me immediately, we spent two and a half hours on the phone, and it was a type of conversation I had never had with him before and at times of quite an intimate nature.  He is very very controlled and I had never known him like this.  I finished the conversation at midnight.  I followed this up over the next few days with a couple of emails, both of which he answered quickly.  However, I think I must have made an error, as when I next saw him, he was really nervous and perhaps even uncomfortable, which is out of character, as he is highly confident.  The next time I saw him, was in a social situation, when he seemed to avoid me and didn't speak to me at all, except to say 'bye'. 

So he begun to realise that you fancied him or begun to realise how he fancied you.  That has made him nervous and self conscious.  You've got to remember he probably hasn't fallen in love with someone for many years.

As I was about to leave, we looked at each other at close range for about 4 seconds, right into each others eyes. 

Classic example of their being chemistry between you both. 

I'm not sure who broke off first, I think me, but I can't be sure.  It was a strange feeling as neither of us smiled. 

Occasionally when eyes meet rather than smiling both people feel a nervousness and therefore find it difficult to smile.  When one person doesn't smile usually the other person doesn't smile either. 

I have sent the odd friendly email or text but I don't like to bother him, as he is an extremely busy man.  It is always me who initiates this, although he always replies.  I have now left him alone completely, and have heard nothing for over a month.  I guess he is not really interested but I can't get out of my head that there may be an alternative reason for his actions, or lack of them.  I have looked at the 'He's just not that into you' theory, but that doesn't seem to cover our rather complicated and delicate situation, or maybe it does and I just don't want to see it!

It does seem strange that he is not contacting you and not initiating contact.  If he does fancy you, it suggests that he is confused and is maybe holding onto the memories of his wife and unwilling to move on from her.  It sounds to me like you may have put something in the emails that made him feel uncomfortable or made him realise that either you or him or both fancy each other.  I think you need to contact him again.

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