| My friend is always with my boyfriend. I can trust him but I can't trust her |
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| Written by peach | |
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I and my boyfriend have been together for quite a while now. I do trust him, its that i dont trust my friends around him. Im worried that he's going 2 leave me for one of my mates who is better looking than me. What can i do to make sure that we stay together? My best friend is A.L.W.A.Y.S with MY boyfriend. i can trust him- but i cant trust her. what can i do 2 ensure he stays mine?
It's always a difficult question when ladies ask me this sort of question, because ultimately if it's going to happen, it will happen. One thing I would say is that you can't wrap him in cotton wool because that is likely to make him feel smothered and he will immediately want to get out of his relationship with you because he will feel uncomfortable. So you have got to give him his freedom to talk to other women and you've got to be able to trust him if you relationship is going to last. I do think it's better to find out whether a guy is going to get off with other women early on in a relationship. It's better to happen then, than when you are completely head over heels in love with him and planning to get married. The earlier it happens the less hurtful it is, even though it is still very hurtful. So these women are basically a test for your long term relationship, if your long term relationship doesn't have much potential then he will be off with these women, if he resists the temptation of your best friend on the other hand then you have bagged yourself a devoted guy. Female best friends just have a habit of stealing their friends boyfriends. It seems to be an obsession with women, that it's good fun to get with their friends boyfriend or that their best friends boyfriends are somehow more attractive than any other man in this world, why women think like this I don't know. Maybe it's because women discuss their boyfriends with their friends and create a fantasy picture in their friends minds, which makes women think that they should bag this guy for themselves. Men tend to think there are plenty more women in this world if a woman is taken, women tend to think I want him and am going to get him whether he is taken or not. I don't know what age you are, or whether your sexually active with your boyfriend. But if you are sexually active, now is the time to make sure that you wear him out and give him plenty of sex. If you are using all his energy to have sex and draining all his hormones, then he is going to be too shagged to have any energy with another woman. You are basically going to take away his urge to have sex with them and you are going to distract him and reduce his hormones to a level where he is not really interested or has the energy to talk to other women. But you've got to do this tactfully, don't just throw yourself at him, every day. You have got to make him think he is the one making the move for sex (otherwise he will see you as desperate). One tactic is by flirting with him (it could be like putting your hand in his pocket and grabbing hold of him and various tactics like that, to signify you are ready for sex or moving his hands to certain parts of your body). Another tactic is discuss sexual fantasies with him and see if you can fulfil some of them (be ready to hear some that you don't like, men's sexual fantasies are nothing like what a woman would consider a sexual fantasy). The important thing is, if he makes a move sexually don't say you don't feel like it, or make any negative moves (unless it involves something that you really don't want to do). When going for these tactics you also need to make sure that you have contraception available to you at all times, because you can easily slip up and get pregnant when your having sex frequently. Women think that having a child might make a guy loyal to them, but as we can see with the number of single mothers nowadays this is not the case. Having a child by a guy needs a long term relationship potential to work, if the long term relationship is not possible, most guys will leave you sooner or later, with a child or no child. There are several other things you need to be cautious about when taking the sexual approach. It could work out that you have so much sex that eventually you both get bored of sex and the relationship goes stagnant. It could work out that your sex is less than passionate or exciting to him, so again this tactic could back fire. You also indicate that your friend is more attractive than you are. I'm not sure whether that is imaginary because I haven't seen a photo of you and your friend. But nevertheless I would always say that if he is a below the age of 20 he will go for attractiveness alone most of the time. If he is over 20 then he will generally be sensible and experienced enough to realise attractiveness and personality are the combination that is best from a woman. Therefore if you have a superb personality and are average looking, she is super attractive and has a bitch of a personality, he is more likely to keep you long term because of your personality and rapport with him. You may even find out later on he had a brief fling with her, but if he stays with you, that suggests he tested the goods and found that you were the best one for him long term. If it is more than a brief fling then you should ditch him and never get back him (because he will just do it again when the next woman comes along). Basically, in summary, you need to demonstrate to him your "positive points" and "distract him" from this lady in whichever way you can. I can't make any specific suggestions because I don't know how old you are or what everyday situations you are in.? Avoid being scornful and malicious towards her or him because this will make you look desperate and put bad pictures of you in his head.? Though as I indicate at the beginning, if it's going to happen, it will happen whatever recommendations I make and whatever moves you make. |
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