ok, so i know this guy for 3 years. we were great friends but we both wanted more. however my friend liked him also and i held back. then i fell out with my friend and myself and john started dating. we would hold hands and meet up without anyone knowing. i didnt want anyone knowing for fear that my friend would find out. so i kept it secret! we broke up as he had called it quits. then a few days later i kissed another boy infront of him after he asked me to get back with him. i was so hurt i wanted him to feel the same. so fast forward to present day. im single and he has a girlfriend. we work in the same place and go to the same university. when wer around each other and no one else is there, wer very attentive to each other. we get on great and i feel alot of chemistry between us. he boasts alot when hes around me and never mentions his girlfriend.

Classic signs he's trying to impress you and not remind you that he has a girlfriend. 

he also teases me. he never asks me to do anything for him from across the room always comes to me asks me to do him a "favour". sometimes he asks someone else to ask me. at the christmas party, we both got v.drunk and hung with each other all night. i slept over at his house and shared a bed but nothing sexual happened just kissing.i wish i remembered more but i dont! its a blank!

It's not a good idea getting drunk really is it.  If you did have a good time you are probably not going to remember it. 

the next day his mother walked in and we both jumped out of bed. there was no awkwardness between us after, we jus dont mention it. wev never spoken about it since! i feel like i know everything about him but he seems like a total stranger! he tells me things while we have drink in us admittedly that no one else knows about him.

sometimes i ignore him totally or im narky to him just because im trying to control myself infront of him. i like him so much that i stutter and lose control of myself. he just takes it.

A bloke is not bothered, as long as he is attracted to you and enjoys his time with you, he's not going to be bothered by you stuttering.   

i act nice to all my other male coworkers just not him! i cant, im terrified that people will find out i like him and then so will he and il be hurt again.

he always remembers everything i say which i find surprising because i didnt even know he was listening.

A guy always listens intently to a woman he fancies.  If he doesn't fancy her or he's a bit deaf, then he will miss lots of details.  He wants information about you, so he can use that information to speak to you about your interests and also use that information to decide whether you are right for him. 

also, when i ask him a question he answers and asks me one right back. he acts diferently infront of me. when hes with his friends and male coworkers hes confident and quite cocky but with me hes quieter and he can be a little defensive.

Being defensive is probably a sign that he wants to hide his bad points and project his good points.  The fact that he is quiet shows that he is nervous around you but also doesn't want to say something stupid because men have a habit of saying things that women find offensive.  A man won't even realise that a woman finds something offensive because what offends a woman is far different to what offends a man.   Women read far too much into what a guy says, when really what he is trying to say is quite simple.

then there are the times when i am cool around him. im comfortable because iv finally decided that im over him. but then we get on great and im back to square one the following day!

You are just going through something natural that happens when you fancy someone.  You have a good day, you fancy them, you have a bad or indifferent day and to save face you persuade your mind you don't like them.  Then all of a sudden there's a good day again and you are back to fancying them. 

the girlfriend- when i began working with him she was always in his car(hes a delivary driver) but now shes never around. i know that she is very easy to bed and has cheated on him.

He'll probably want rid of her as soon as possible then.  But he will be using the fact that he has a girlfriend to attract other women.  Women seem to think guys that have girlfriends or wives are more attractive. 

and i am the total opposite.(by others), he responds but its never in a positive light. but they are together for a year and a half....i just wish i could act normally in front of him. am i ruining my chances with him by my behaviour?

Well, if you are blowing hot and cold and his reactions aren't positive, then I would say that you probably are affecting your chances. 

im really nice to everyone else and at times to him. im not a mean or disrespectful person and everyone knows that about me sometimes i think that he must think im loopers!...

But how does he react to you being mean to him.  Does he back off or is he just as keen?  If he's just as keen then really you are not doing much wrong. 

i really need your help as this has gone on now for too long. i need to move on, with or without him. and while i know that hel never be fully out of my life i need to act comfortable infront of him.

what should i do?

He's got a girlfriend, you haven't got a boyfriend.  He isn't showing any signs of asking you out, so I think you need to move on.  If he then sees you becoming more remote and then asks you out, then that's a bonus.  But really you've been out with him in the past and he isn't showing any signs that he is interested in asking you out again.  So I think you can move on, unless he suddenly becomes more keen.  If a guy is determined enough to keep you, he will go for it. 

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