Me and my ex who I lived with for 8 years split up last August. He moved out of our home and seemed very bitter and angry and looked visibly strained whenever he picked our children up. He didn't want to engage in conversation or look at me and to be honest neither did I.

I asked him to come round to discuss things about the house and stuff and we got talking about what had happened around the split. He tried to be honest with me about things and from that moment things changed again.

He has offered to help me with many things and seems more than generous towards me.

Sometimes people build up paranoid ideas about the other person, which is why counselling services can often help.  Often all it takes is for the two people to have an honest and calm chat together to set things straight.  That avoids all the back stabbing, paranoia and bad feelings because then you are both not guessing what the other person is doing or thinking.

One major thing that puzzles me though is that now we are getting along well again when we talk we can hold eye contact again. However for the last few weeks when we have had eye contact he can only hold it for so long before smirking and looking down. He then tries to compose himself before looking at me again. He has also started to inquire about my life and people in my family again. When he comes to the house he asks how I am and smiles - a genuine one not forced. Our conversations are getting longer without him seeming like he wants to run away. If I text him he will text back immediately or call me.

Our children just want daddy home and so do i but I have had to be strong and just let him have his space.

The fact is you seemed to have spoken honestly.  Obviously before then he felt that you were being unreasonable and you probably thought he was being unreasonable.  The reason why he wasn’t giving you eye contact before was because he was demonstrating by action that he didn’t want to speak to you or see you.  That’s because he had negative thoughts in his mind about what you were thinking and doing.  Now he’s settled those thoughts, he can now gradually build up eye contact again, but then remembers he’s meant to be avoiding eye contact with you.

I am moving out of the house shortly with the children because I can't afford to live their and he seems happy to let this happen by helping me to find somewhere and set me up in it. I think he only left because we couldn't seem to get along and agree on things and we lost respect for each other. I believe he still loves me as he was very committed during the relationship and i think it was hard for him to go.

His body language and behaviour though is confusing me. I'm not one to dwell on things and will not hang around in the hope of him coming back but i am getting mixed signals.

So give up and move on or what?

Guys don’t like to leave their children and family unit!  Especially after spending 8 years together!  Just imagine someone said to you “ok, we are going to take your children away and you can only see them a few hours a week or we might even move out of the area with them and you won’t see them again”.  I would guess you’d be none too pleased!  Now imagine how a guy feels!  It’s not just the effect on him, the effect on you, but the effect on his children.  What kind of life are those children going to have without a father.  Are you going to get into a relationship with another man, who abuses his kids or alternatively bring them up to hate their real father?  It’s like a bereavement and also an immense hole in a guys life, like a whole group of people have died and he won’t see them much anymore.  He’s spent 8 years of his life building the relationship, only for it to fail.  He’s been uprooted from his house and now has to negotiate settling down in another house, paying his way for his childrens house and being without anyone that really loves him.