Ok so I was working with a guy on and off over 18 months. We were both in relationships when we started working together but both have those have since ended (around the same time actually) without any outside influences.

He and I have always got along well but since we split up with our respective partners, we have gotten much closer. Others in work have commented on how close we are and ask if there is anything going on. I'm sad to say, the answer is no.

Your colleagues must have noticed that there is some natural chemistry there between you.

He flirts a lot with me, banter mostly, but also kind gestures, such as bringing me cups of tea when I'm drowning under paperwork and we have a lot of in-jokes. He's very supportive of me in a way he's not of others. He's not shy of prolonged eye-contact and I feel the spark and the butterflies when we catch each others' eyes. I can see how to others it must look like there is something between us.

I think there is something between you, but you just haven't progressed it further yet.  He's certainly singled you out for some special treatment and add to that the eye contact and your colleagues noticing a chemistry between you and I think you can safely say that you both like each other.

He is 6 years older than me and has young children with his ex. I thought maybe that was why he didnt take it further with me, but I later found out he'd been sleeping with another girl (he didnt tell me this himself, a collegue did, though he later admitted it) and, I'm ashamed to say, I looked her up on facebook out of curiosity. She looks a LOT like me.

You can't stop a woman being nosey, if she knows there's more information there, she'll go looking at it. 

He left work 6 weeks ago now to return to his previous job and we've kept in touch. We tend to take it in turns to initiate contact. He texts once or twice a week and occasionally we chat online on the weekend. He always sets his status to appear offline but talks to me anyway.

Because he doesn't want other people disturbing him.  You are his number one woman, so it's you who he talks to whilst appearing offline.  Guys can't really chat with more than one person at a time on msn, it just sends his head in a spin.  It's a privilege that he chooses to chat with you instead of others.

Earlier in the week he text me to ask if I would be out on the weekend as he was home from work (he works about 150 miles away) and was planning on going out. He said he hoped he see me. I replied that I'd be there with friends and it'd be great to see him. We don't usually see each other outside of work, just chat.

That's great, it shows he's eager to meet up with you.

So the weekend comes and I have like 15 texts from him (he always replies straight away) but he's non-commital about meeting up. In the end I got sick of waiting and told him I was going home and he could make it up to me some other time.

We flirted a little via text message but as soon as I made the slightest sexual suggestion, he blanks it and changes the subject. This is what he usually does, although I never make a sexually suggestive comment unless he has made one first. Whilst he never explicitly makes sexual references about *me*, he isn't shy and will talk openly about sex.

That is confusing.  He either doesn't want to think of you in a sexual way because he sees you as a friend or he doesn't want to see you in a sexual way, because he doesn't want you to get the idea he wants to use you for sex because he wants more than that.

Basically Sam, I'm confused. He muddles my brain! He flirts openly enough for people to comment, but never takes it further. He kept in touch with me (and only me) when he moved jobs, asks me to meet him on a weekend then stands me up and shys away when I make sexual comments but it's ok for him to make them? What is going on in his head? Does he like me or is he toying with me for his own amusement?

There are cases where a guy will flirt for his own ego if he has an idea that a woman will fancy him.  I don't think that's case here though, because you actually indicate that you have a chemistry with each other.  A guy would only flirt for fun and for his ego, with a woman that he doesn't really have a chemistry with but who he knows will fancy him.

Normally I'd say he's not that kinda guy, which makes it so much more frustrating! Help! I reeeeeeeally like him!

He obviously is the kind of guy to have sex.  He has children and cheated on his wife, so actually having sex with women doesn't really seem a problem to him.  So I can rule out that he is scared of using women for sex.  It seems strange that he cancelled your night out after seeming so keen.  This suggests that he either had someone else to see, he was feeling down or you had said something to him that put him off, some element of committment or sign that you were getting to close to him, too quickly.  Men will back off in this circumstance because they don't want to hurt a woman.

It has confused me too.  From your description early on, I would say he almost certainly fancied you, so I think something has changed that.  Maybe another woman on the scene, maybe it was just an alternative woman he had for that night or maybe he is unsure about you now for some reason. 

Reply by nouille 17.03.08

Thanks for your input on my situation (As soon as I make the slightest sexual suggestion he blanks it)

For the record, he didn't cheat on his wife. She left him. But I get what you're saying. He told me after I wrote to you (without going into specifics) that an opportunity had presented itself on the weekend to go somewhere that he couldn't refuse. I've seen the photos, there was no woman! Even so, I think I will back off a bit. He seems keen to come home most weekends now so I guess I'll leave the ball in his court for a while.

Thanks for your help, I'll keep you updated if he pulls his finger out and makes a move!

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