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Everytime a woman walks past he says "what a great set of tits", how can I stop this? PDF Print
Written by Ivory   

I've been dating a guy for about 8 months now.  I've ironed out, accepted, changed, or dealt with any of his annoying habits and learned to live with them except for one.

Imagine an attractive female walking past or a picture of an attractive semi-nude to totally nude woman in a magazine and you saying in front of your girlfriend about the woman "What a great set of tits/arse."

Unfortunately most guys don't think too well about what they are saying, they just come out and say it, tact is not usually a talent that men have.  I must say that if a guy is happy with what they have got, meaning you, then he shouldn't be doing any of these verbal things.  Yes, he won't be able to keep his eyes off other women, that's just male instinct but really he shouldn't be verbally telling you about it.  As if to say to you, I want you to look like that.  He is basically making you feel as though your body is not quite perfect enough for him.  As for magazines I think it's a waste of time comparing any real life women, to the airbrushed and digitally edited women you see in them.  But then often men and indeed women don't think about the fact that they have been digitally edited when they are reading the magazines

This is what my guy does to me.

Not all the time.

Just sometimes.

I usually treat it as a joke and say "Yep, they're the greatest tits/arse I've ever seen."

You shouldn't really respond in this way, because he will think it is ok, and know that he can get away with it next time. 

I've learned not to take too much notice of it as he usually turns around and says, "Oh, don't get me wrong, you have a great set of tits/arse too."

So really he does know that you get narked off with his comments, so he should be stopping this.  But does he see this as a tease and a bit of fun, is he just winding you up? 

I told him before and again recently that I don't really like him saying those things in front of me.

I told him that I accept that we all look at and admire other people, but to tell his mates and not tell me."

If he does this again, how can I get him to realize that he is being disrespectful to me.  I know he doesn't mean any intentional offence to me and he doesn't realize that it can be offensive to me.

Men don't really think because they don't understand how sensitive women are.  The best thing to say to him is "You know women don't find guys that do that very attractive, it makes a guy look desperate".  If he argues that is not true, then tell him you are "giving away women's secrets by telling him that" (but only say that extra bit if he argues or doesn't seem to take in what you have said) .  Then you are in effect telling him off, but making him think that if he does that, all women will find him unattractive, not just you.  You are essentially detracting from the fact that it's you that has the problem and making him think that other women will find him unattractive and desperate.

Sure I've told him.

But in the past he doesn't seem to have got the message.

Because you've made a joke of it in the past, so he thought he could get away with it, if my above suggestion doesn't work, then you have to tell him off. 

I don't want to seem like a prude, or jealous when I call him on it, I just want him to keep that to himself.

(Because, between you and I, I'm a bit of a prude and jealous)

Tell him "it's boring listening to same thing all the time, everytime he sees a woman", that's the second option.

Am I over reacting?

I think you do need to tell him off.  If it's annoying you, you should make him stop it in some way.  But overall you don't need to worry, because you've got to remember he is with you and not these other women.

Am I handling it correctly?

Not at the moment, but I've given you three options above, two direct things to say and the third option is to just give him a straight and angry telling off, but that third option should be after you have tried the other two suggested options.  Because the third option will make you sound jealous, but if that's what it take, that's what it takes. 

And what's a good way to get my message across?

The two options above are a good way, because they are indirect and not indicating that you are jealous or angry, but if they don't work then all you are left with is the getting angry and telling him off option. 

I know I could say all kinds of things about the men who I pass or see in a magazine and give him a taste of his own medicine, but hell, I don't see too many men who actually turn me on that much to even contemplate saying something about their body.  And besides, if I start that, I worry that might encourage my partner to do even more of the same.

If he does continue with this, then maybe this will make him realise what an idiot he sounds when he does it, so maybe it could be considered an option before you take the angry option.  But really, yes I agree it might encourage him to continue with much the same and you are not really setting a good example by doing the exact same thing to him that irritates you. 

Would you give me some advice Sam keeping in mind that he has always been 100% faithful and honest with me to date???????

Try saying what I have suggested above, see how things go from there.

Want to get the opinion of other ladies who visit this web site?  Try my new forum .

 

 

 
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