So it's been a while.  Been in an LDR (long distance relat.) for a while now, doing really well, seeing each other regularly (as much as we could considering). 

But I did notice something that may be of concern;

When we met up last, I noticed my beau having a bit of difficulty holding erection.  It was the 1st time together, we spent a week together... and I hoped it was just out of pure excitement and nervousness.  Both of us come from long relationships, been alone and haven't been with anyone for a long while. 

But I noticed the problem consistant during the week.  He would try sometimes succeed, other times be frustrated say "sorry" and give up, try again later.  I found myself a bit sexually frustrated, but I love him, so I'm willing to try to work this out with him.  There is a lot to 'us' and I don't want to lose this special man over this issue.

I've not experienced these problems myself, but I guess I'd know how I would feel from a  guys point of view.  From his point of view, it will make him nervous, even if you say it's ok.  For him it's a matter of pride and the more it happens the more nervous he will be that it will happen again, which is not good.

When it was obvious he was frustrated I did ask him once or twice in the week if everything was OK, he said he was tired, and sorry, I said no no it's OK, really, to reassure him it WAS OK.. but I'm concerned about our future love life now.

The fact that you said it was ok, will be a slight weight off his mind, because he knows you will be willing to be patient, to a certain extent.  Overall though, he will know deep down that it is not ok.  He wants to be able to satisfy his woman and secondary to that is satisfy himself.  If he's not enjoying sex because it makes him anxious he could develop a phobia of it and even a phobia of women.

Needless to say I have reason to believe it's not just this period that it happened but it seems to be an ongoing problem.  When I saw him last the only thing he said was that he couldn't tell me (what was wrong) and I let it go.  I didn't want to make an issue of it.

It could be any number of reasons, it could be stress, it could be diet, it could be issues with women in the past, it could a prostate problem, it could be a past STI/STD, it could be a medication he is on, it could be a heart problem or circulation problem, he could just be anxious.

So here's the deal.  I'm going to see him soon.  Very soon.  How do I address this issue without hurting his manhood? 

That seems like a naughty way to phrase it in this circumstance, but I get what you mean. It is a very difficult question because anyway you do it, there's a chance he might detect that you  are getting frustrated.  If you know he's stressed about something, I suppose you maybe able to address those issues, but that relies on him telling you what he is stressed about. 

The only real thing that can be done with your physical intervention, is to make sure he eats healthily.  This of course needs to be done over a period of time.  A fry up of fattening food, is not going to do his body much good.  If you can cook him fish and veg or meat and veg, that is going to have a positive effect on his body both stress wise and physical changes to his body.  The only problem with this is it takes weeks of dedication and you probably don't see him for weeks.  The way you can get around doing this sort of thing is to put yourself on the same diet and make him think that it's you that is on this diet, so you want him to join you in your meals.  If he's a big guy that likes his food, the key thing here is to allow him to pile his plate high with vegetables.  A few foods that I find are very good for this type of thing are Bananas, Prawns, Eggs and possibly strawberries and possibly milk too.  I think it's the high Zinc or Potassium content that makes a guy perform better in the erection department with these foods.  Obviously with bananas there are several ways you can get more of them down him.  Like put a fruit bowl on the table as a hint and see if he picks some bananas out on occasions.  If he doesn't go for the bananas this way, you can always make banana milk shakes, banana puddings or banana and ice cream.

Walks and exercise are other ones, so on the days that you are not up for some hot sex, get his fitness up by taking him for a walk.  These are the only real physical interventions you can personally do, the rest has to come from a doctor.

I don't want to ignore it and "pretend" to enjoy myself and build up resentment; I want to be honest and upfront with him.  Maybe he needs some assistance from his doctor ?  I think perhaps this can be remedied? 

We love each other, we are very attracted to one another, and again, I don't want to make this the end of the world for us, but I really want us to enjoy each other without frustrations.  I'm afraid it will effect us, or one of us in the long run and so on.  We don't see each other enough to have time to talk about it, and spending my vaca with him talking about this makes it difficult.

How would you want a woman to say "How can we fix this?" Instead of "Honey I think you need Viagra".. kwim?  I'm really worried about hurting his ego and feelings.  I don't want him to think I don't feel attracted to him or desire him.  This is quite the opposite. 

The only way you can remedy this without intervention from a doctor is through food and exercise.  Beyond that, if it is just a case of being anxious in bed, it could be just psychological and therefore the best thing for you do in this case, is try to relax him more in bed, bring out a bit of humour in him whilst you are having sex.  Distract him from the actually performing and satisfying you and make him totally forget that he has performance problems.  This will be difficult and it may mean that you don't get satisfied a few times, then all of a sudden when his confidence is back and he has totally forgot about the performance problems, he should start performing again.

Another option is to play with him when he is soft, so he realises that being soft is nothing to be embarrassed about, this is risky because you need to make the right moves at the right time.  But basically:

• take both of your hands and don't look at it but play with him with both your hands with different movements (don't grab it quickly as if in frustration, slow),
• not just the penis but his balls and under his balls,
  
• just massage and caress slowly,
  
• try pressing your fingers into the area of tissue between his balls and his butt with the fingers of one hand only, while the other hand is playing with his penis, but don't stay there forever unless you can see that it's working and getting him erect.  This area might be swollen a bit, I don't know why but I think it's a semi g-spot for men, maybe the prostate is just below that area?, just gentle presses but after the massaging and carressing NOT before. 
  
• See if he rises to the occassion by doing this.  At least it might make him feel relaxed about being soft and therefore less anxious in the future and in turn less soft in the future.
  

In the case of actually getting him to the doctors and taking viagra.  The best way to have a go at the issue, is after it happens next and he says sorry, just say to him something like "I like you, you know and I'll keep trying to get it up (that might be a good time to move your hands down and start playing), let me know what you think and see if WE can work out a solution."   If he doesn't reply just gently and slowly say to him "Why do you think it's happening?"

A key thing for you to put into your mind is that it would be quite good fun if you can have a go at resolving this problem for him.  Try and look at it from the point of view of adding more excitement to the sex, the excitement of conquering this problem.  And when you do conquer the problem I bet his confidence will be so high, he will want to give you some great sex. 

So what do you think?

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