Does the age gap effect us? I was down my local pub last night and started chatting to a very handsome man. he was kind, sweet and charming. We ended up exchanging numbers and arranged to meet possibly one day next week. I told all this to my girlfriends, who straight away thinks maybe the age could lead to issues....

Im 20, he is 39years old! Although he looks in his early 30's! He was married for 20years, and has a 20year son.

Yes, that is shocking, maybe you should ask to meet his son.  Only joking, it isn't really that shocking because people have different tastes when it comes to men or women.

I was shocked with this news... but everyone has a past? right?

Quite a few women, tend to go for older men.  But not that many go for men that are 19 years older than them.  I think 10 years is the usual limit for most women.  Of course just because he is older doesn't mean he is any less of a person.  Indeed he has probably learnt a lot from life.  I really don't think you can base whether a guy is good enough for you based on his age.  You are obviously attracted to him and he actually looks younger than he is.

The thing you have got to remember is later on in life, when you are 45 he will be drawing his pension.  He maybe starting to get a bit less mobile because he will be in his 60's.  But just because you have twenty years between you doesn't mean you can't have fun and doesn't mean you won't get on well.  You are always going to get loads of people looking at you oddly and making comments about your age difference, but if you can get used to that, that's not going to be a problem.

Depending on what has happened with his marriage I don't think being married for 20 years and having a 20 year old son can be counted as a bad past, nowadays.  Though if you find out the reason for the breakup of his marriage was because he was having an affair or because he used to beat the hell out of his wife, then that is a bad past.

Shall i give it ago? See how much we have in common, may as well go on a date with him as i have nothing to loose!

Yes, exactly that, you don't know unless you give him a try.  It maybe that the age difference will make him wiser and more eager to treat you well.  After all, he will probably be desperate to hold onto a girlfriend that is almost twenty years younger than him.  It maybe that you learn a lesson that older men are not for you, it maybe that you learn a lesson that older men are better for you.  Either way, there is nothing wrong with giving different men a try.

problem number 2, im an only child, and live with my father. My dad is 46, only 6 years older than this guy.

True, your dad may not be too pleased you are going out with a guy only a few years younger than him.  Plus a guy who has been married and has a 20 year old son.  But there comes a time when you should do what you want to do.  You should of course be careful not to get pregnant with this guy until you have been together for a long time.  And you should of course try not to fall out with your dad, because if things go wrong, you want your father to be their for you.  You know your father more than you know this man!  If your father gives you advice take it onboard, don't just dismiss it, because he will care for you.  But needless to say I doubt your dad would be too happy with him or many of the guys you will ever go out with.

although this man is probably going to treat me alot better than guys my own age!

Yes as I was saying above, this guy is older and wiser and hopefully he will treasure somebody as young as you.  The thing that might give you a problem is this guy has been married and he may have the conclusion in his head, that he never wants to be married again or never wants a serious relationship again, women are absolute trouble.  If I was his age though and I had the opportunity to catch a lady 19 years younger, I would be wanting to treat her extremely well and keep her.  Men like younger women and it is an old man's dream to be with one 19 years younger.  It's true that many guys your own age will treat you badly, most are just looking for sex and not interested in serious relationships at your age.

My conclusion, there are benefits and disadvantages to going out with guys your own age and guys older than you.  Unless you try something out, you are never going to know what is the right option for you.  You learn from your experiences, but if you don't make the effort to experience things you will live a boring life.  What you do need to do though, is make a confident decision, if you get the feeling that something is not right with this relationship then you should trust your gut instincts.

Posted by Youngerwoman on 19.09.06