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Angel1983 on 18/04/2006
Almost a year ago (May 2005) on a night
out with some friends, I (22 at the time) got chatting to a friend of my
friends boyfriend, I'm not sure who spoke to who first? (We'll call him
John!) I was instantly attracted to him (26 at the time) and we chatted
for quite awhile. To be fair, we were flirting with each other, even
though at the time we were both in long term relationships. I had been
with my boyfriend for just over four years and he had been with his
girlfriend for about seven years. I was later told by my friend that he
liked me and that he had asked for my mobile number, although she didn't
give it him. Every time we saw each other since, there was a definite
chemistry between us. He would even text his friend, my friends
boyfriend, if he saw me out, telling them we had been chatting with each
other. On one particular night, he tried kissing me, but I didn't let him
because I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend.
Good that's how it should be.
Shouldn't mess around when you are already in a relationship unless you
are both so unhappy you want to finish the relationship.
Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't theory. Though
that decision would probably stop him fancying you completely. As
soon as a woman declines a bloke, he immediately builds a picture in his
mind, that she wasn't right for him and she wasn't worth it anyway, and their are plenty more women out there. Even
though a man never shows it in public, it really does hurt when a woman
declines him, even if the reason is a decent one.
At the end of September/beginning of
October (2005) I split up with my boyfriend. However, my reasons for
doing so had nothing to do with John. I was later told by my friend that
John had also split up with his girlfriend. After a night out, I went
back with John to his apartment, who he shares with his friend, something
I have never done before! It had been three weeks since I split up with
my ex-boyfriend and not even a week since he had split up from his
ex-girlfriend. We were definitely at ease with each other! We opened up
to each other, the conversation flowed, they were no awkward moments, we
laughed, he was lovely! All good signs I
thought?
His reasons for splitting up with his
ex-girlfriend were because she wanted to settle down, i.e. move in
together, get married, start a family, etc. and he didn't.
Men don't like to commit to marriage too
early. Men like their independence and when you get married you
have that taken away. He obviously didn't like this girlfriend
enough to want to marry her yet, and she was obviously pushing him too
far, too fast.
He is also planning on going travelling
later this year (October 2006, I think?) with his friend, and he didn't
want to get her hopes up by proposing to her in case he met someone else.
For the next couple of days we text each other, although he was upfront
with me and told me he didn't want to lead me on, in case he got back
with his ex-girlfriend. Later that week I gave him my new mobile number
and that was that! Later, my friends boyfriend
told me John didn't want to start a relationship with me because it was
too soon after splitting up from his ex-girlfriend and he didn't want to
hurt me when he went travelling.
That's a good thing, he sounds like a
caring man, even though earlier you mention he tried it on with you while
you were both in relationships.
Whenever we saw each other from then on,
it was much the same. Although when we do see each other, he's always
with his group of friends and I'm with mine, I still feel there is a
definite chemistry between us. All the signs are there, unless I've been
reading them wrong, i.e. he often makes an effort to get my attention by
being 'the centre of attention', and once he has my attention he smiles
and briefly holds eye contact. When we occasionally chat (and its usually me who initiates the conversation), he
often kisses me on the cheek and touches me unnecessarily, for example,
on my waist when he's going, etc.
Holding eye contact is not a definite
sign, because close friends do that, but together with the other things
you have said, I think it is safe to presume that he likes you.
A couple of weeks ago (April 2006), I
heard he was taking part in a sports event and so I sent him a text, out
of the blue, wishing him good luck. However, I forgot to say who it was
from, but fortunately, he knew it was from me because he had kept my number!
Good sign eh, or is it?
I don't see any reason why he would delete
your number, you haven't done anything wrong in
the past.
For the last couple of weeks we've been
texting each other. Admittedly, I've been the one sending the texts, but
he always replies them, and when he doesn't, which is very rare, he
apologises. When he does text me, he always texts me something that
requires an answer, which means I have to text him back and, he always
puts a kiss at the end of every text he sends me! I thought these were
good signs?
Yes that is a good sign. Men very
rarely initiate texts, but if he replies most of the time and asks you
questions that is a good sign. He's not trying to get rid of you.
But ...
When I saw him out at the weekend, the
first thing he did when he saw me was stick his tongue out at me?!
Was this just a joke, men are known to
make jokes like this.
As you can imagine, this took me by
complete surprise, so when I saw him again, I ignored him. That night, I
text him, something along the lines of:
'I realise you're only being polite
replying my texts, and obviously you don't feel the same way about me, as
I do about you, otherwise we would chat properly in town face to face. I
got the wrong end of the stick, sorry. If by any chance I'm wrong, you've
got my number, text me!'
Over-emotional text message,
will scare the hell out of any man that receives it. He will not
know how to reply to this one even if he does fancy you. It will
also give him the creeps a bit, because it sounds as though you think you
had something going with him, even though you didn't yet.
Needless to say I am VERY confused! I'm
getting mixed messages and its driving me crazy! Please can you explain
why he is acting like this? Do you think he likes me?
From what you said earlier it sounds as
though he liked you. But bringing things into context. Why
would you not want to see someone who you really fancy? Even if you
are going away somewhere and don't want to hurt someone. It sounds
more like he was making an excuse now, for you not to get too attached to
him. If he really did fancy you enough, then he would be going out
with you now, irrespective of whether he has just broken up with his
girlfriend and irrespective of whether he is going away.
Mixed messages are exactly that, you
shouldn't be giving mixed messages to somebody you adore.
I think you should move on, because this
guy is just going to continue messing you about. It maybe that he
did fancy you, but at some point has changed his mind, it maybe that
after having a disastrous relationship with his girlfriend he needs some
independence now, it maybe that this text you sent him has given him the
creeps completely. Anyway, my conclusion was this was never meant
to happen, and he does not fancy you enough (even if he does fancy you in
some way), to take the decision to go out with you. So move on.
I forgot to mention before that when I
text John to wish him good luck with his sports event, I mentioned that I
wish I could be there to cheer him on, and he replied telling me I will
have to come and cheer him on next time!
That was a positive sign, but the
situation has changed since then.
Reply by angel1983 on 22.04.06
Thank you for your prompt reply. I have
taken on board what you have said. However, whilst I was waiting for you
to reply my message, I realised that the 'over-emotional' text (16th
April) was a BIG mistake, so I decided to text him.
Over emotional text messages can seriously
put men off, particularly if it's in the early stages of a relationship
or before a relationship exists. In your case, I don't think it was
that big a mistake, because I don't think this guy has any long term
potential for you, so whether you sent it or not, I don't think you can
find any long term commitment from this guy.
After texting him a couple of times
without receiving a reply, I thought I had blown it, but fortunately, he
replied the last text I sent him (21st April) in the same way as usual.
What should I do now? Should I still move
on, like you suggested, or should I continue to text him? When we're
texting, I'm hoping he is texting me because he fancies me, rather than
liking me as a friend, how can I tell the difference?
If he wants anything more than a
friendship, then he should be making an effort to see you. It is
blatantly obvious from that text you sent the other day, that you want
more than friendship, but he is just not biting. The way I see it,
is he is not making an effort to get to know you, so I don't see the
point in you making an effort. He may fancy you a bit, but it
obviously isn't enough to value you as a long term relationship
potential, because otherwise he would have made more effort with
you. He might be trying to keep you sweet or he might be just being
polite or he may just want you as a friend (though I think that option
would be unlikely). So I think you are wasting your time, if you
want a long term relationship from him.
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