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Can men make up their mind on 05/11/2006
I got to know this guy six months
ago at the mall bacause we both work their and we became friends. But from that friendship
we got to like each others personality and we
started having a relationship. Something that i
would consider a relationship because we were having sex.
If you were just having sex, then
I wouldn't consider it a relationship, if you were having sex and going
out and socialising together, that is a relationship.
Everything was going well until oneday i told him that i love him and he was surprised but he didn't answer
so i left it to that.
Most men absolutely hate the word
"love". And some will only use the word "love"
in order to satisfy a womans needs. It's
an emotional word and most men find it difficult to express their
emotions (after all we're meant to be big tough guys and we get labelled
weak and unattractive if we are emotional guys). The word love
scares the hell out of us, we don't know what to say in reply and in
general we find it very difficult to say the words and sound genuine
(even when we are genuine).
What women should never do is
bring up the love issue in the first few months of a relationship.
It's impossible for a guy to fall in love with a woman in the first few
months of a relationship. The very mention of those words can scare
a bloke off, he will think "stop, slow down here, I'm not ready for
a long term relationship, I'm not ready to say I
love you yet, just wait a few more months, don't get pushy with me".
In your case though, you have been
seeing him for 6 months and having sex with him for probably just as
long, so I think you have a right to know from him whether he loves
you. I think 6 months is a satisfactory time for a bloke to decide
whether he loves a woman or not, or whether he just wants to carry on
using her for sex and a bit of fun.
I did the same thing few times and
still he never said nothing back untill i asked about it and he answered saying that he
shouldn't have to tell me i should know that
and its ridiculous.
Yes, he is simply demonstrating
that he can't say the words and you are seriously scaring the hell out of
him, with your questioning.
But still after this while having
sex he told me he loved me.
In my opinion, people should not
have sex until they love each other. Then when sex finally happens
it becomes a much more passionate event and not some short term sexual
fling. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way because people
feel as though they need to get sex into their relationship as soon as
possible to hold it together. And with men, it is generally they
need to get sex into the relationship to stop them getting bored (usually
taking a woman for dinner or on a date is just plain boring to a bloke,
what they want to get down to is the sex). But that certainly doesn't
make a long term relationship.
So i left
it to that. After this evrything was going fine
untill one day when i
called him he started spilling ervything on his
mind.
Yes, you've made him feel
seriously guilty and he can't say he loves you, so it's more than likely
he doesn't love you. As a result of this, he has had a think about
it and usually men are seriously confused at this point. They start
debating, can I stay with this woman, am I using
her for sex (because sometimes men don't know or are not sure).
Then the emotional bit comes out all in one go, because he starts to
think, women like emotional stuff, so I'll throw all my emotional stuff
at her at once and she will like me being honest about it. Or other
times he will just throw the emotional stuff out at once to sabotage the
relationship and scare you off, whilst making him look like the victim of
confusion (trying to soften the blow to his reputation).
That he appreciated everything i done for him but he's not looking for a reltionship but a wife, since he got a kid. He wanted
someone to be into his kid as well that is what he said in the beginning
when we were friends so i did that i made sure it wasn't all about him.
He is now trying to find a way out
of your relationship without looking like a complete idiot and without
making you seriously angry and most of all without hurting your
feelings. Although men never say so, they hate hurting a woman's
feelings.
Now i just
don't know what he wants.
He certainly doesn't want you long
term, so I think you should move on.
It just seems that all he wants from
me is the sex.
Yes, I would say that is probably
true, judging by what you have described above.
How do i
know if he really wants me?
From what you have said, I really
don't think he wants you. After 6 months, he can't tell you he
loves you. He is trying to back out of the relationship with
excuses about his kid and marriage. There really is nothing you can
do to make this into a long term relationship. His interest in you was just not that convincing to ever produce a
long term relationship.
I fell in love with him i couldn't help it.
Yes, I know women can't help it, men just seem to have a knack of using women for
sex for a long time and convincing women that there is a long term
relationship at the end of it. Rather confusingly women tend to go
for the men that are like this and find the men that are interested in
long term relationship as unattractive and uninteresting (women have a
habit or picking out and falling in love with the bad boys).
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