Sam's Response

I am very confused about your story too, hopefully by the time I have finished this post I will have come to a conclusion.

You say "He phoned me up explaining he wasn't looking for a relationship, he had alot of work with the house and his job." The only man I know that has said something similar to this is myself. I have turned women down because I was going through a very busy period in my life, where I could not focus my undivided attention on a woman. Once I got those priorities sorted out, I was then back on the market for women.

I like to focus on specific tasks and get them out the way before progressing onto another big task. Believe me, giving women your undivided attention is a very big task. I am not being derogatory about women but they require a lot of attention and they drive a man to distraction whether he is at work or at home, women drain our energy. For that reason if we are reaching an important point in our career we like to focus on that. After all we might not get the chance to improve our career ever again, whereas there are plenty of women in the world to focus our attentions on when we have got this fixed. But I would say not that many men would adopt this attitude if a woman came along that we could not resist.

You say "He seems a really shy guy and i'm a really shy person aswell". Again I don't mean to be derogatory to women because I reckon the same maybe true of men. But quite a few men have bad experiences early on in life with women. It damages a man's self confidence with women.

Quite a few men ask women out and get what I call a bad attitude answer, which includes "get lost loser, do I look desperate, with a nerd like you" As he is walking away all the ladies giggle at him, not a nice feeling. This naturally damages a man's confidence about getting a girlfriend. Also if he does get a girlfriend will he be able to keep her occupied after all he now believes he is a nerd or a loser because so many women have told him so.

This gives a man a phobia and complex of asking women out and even if a woman offers herself on a plate he may fear he will not hold onto them. So the best way to avoid the hurt of being dumped is to totally forget about women and live a life of singledom. Of course he can then focus on women as just friends. But I really am not sure whether this is the case in your situation.

You say "being the friendly guy he is, we are just getting on really well as friends and nothing more" This is a possibility but the only way you will find out this is to spend time together. It maybe that he did not fancy you, but as you get closer as friends he may start to see you as more and more attractive. Eventually you will be having a laugh together, might find your eyes meet at once, and then you start that spontaneous kiss. Don't try and force it, just see if it happens.

The way I see it, in your situation, is that you have made it clear to him your feelings, so it is up to him to make the next move. If he really and truely fancies you, he will make a move eventually. Of course you should not wait around for him, you should be looking for other options, because he might not fancy you.

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