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RedHead on 15/01/2006
This article contains my
honest and sometimes controversial opinion, in some places you may not
agree with my points. Nevertheless the answers were written as a
man's honest view on a woman's situation.
i am quite confused about a certain guy who happens to be my
friend. we started on a course together recently and i asked him a
question briefly- at the time i didnt fancy him and i think that was when
he noticed me.
Well, after then , like a week later he came over to
ask me a question and later we engaged in a discussion and he kept saying
i had attitude. He kept jokin with and teasing me and ever from that day
we have become closer each day.
Everytime we are at uni he asks me lots of questions
and seemd quite interesed in my life, my family and plans for the
weekend.
He is definitely interested in you. Men generally
can’t be bothered with small talk unless there is something in it for
them. Does he ask the other Women the same questions? I doubt it because
he does not see the benefit in finding out about their personal
life. He needs something to talk to you about, he knows that women
like talking about themselves all the time (Sorry but you do!).
The fact is, you don’t just need a man that looks good and
has a great body, you need a guy who you can talk to, about problems,
life whatever, that is the guy that you want to spend the rest of your
life with.
You may look good walking down the street with some good
looking guy, but if he bores you to death and can’t talk about the things
that matter in life, then are his good looks really worth it. Guys who
can engage in conversations about personal life, family and talk about
you really need to be treasured, these are the guys that you can get
married to, share problems with, have children with and care for you.
Some women on my course fancy him and some have even
gone as far as chasing him and others have sent him vulgar text messages
suggetsing sex but hes not bothered to reply to them and i heard wat they
did at this class party we had and he wasnt there .
I always tend to say that the majority of men would not
refuse sex, if a woman offered. But I fail to mention the minority
of men, which includes myself that will avoid having sex with women if I
don’t fancy them or they are considered Slappers (Sorry to have to use
that word, but I simply giving you an honest male opinion). All
women have a right to be who they want to be and say what they want to
say, but there is no chance of me finding this kind of woman attractive,
quite a few men find Slappers attractive, but not me.
There are men that use women for sex but don’t really want
a relationship, these would just say “get in there, I don’t fancy her but
if she is gagging for it, how can I refuse”.
Then there are men that use women for sex but also want a
relationship (All men want sex and they would be lying if they said they
didn’t, who wouldn’t want to have sex with someone they find
attractive!). And this is the type of man you should choose, the
one that fancies you and wants a long term relationship and of course
because he finds you attractive also wants to have sex with you.
I think your guy falls into the second category, and that
is why the other women have failed. They are probably used to
getting plenty of success with guys in the first category, the quick way
to get a date with them is to offer them sex and that’s what they are
doing.
Whereas guys in the second category, care more about women
and think a bit more about what they want long term. The guys in
the second category will be thinking (These may be generalisations but
that is the way I think and indeed many blokes like me, we just never
tell you this, because these are usually unconscious thoughts):
-
I want a woman who is
going to be faithful (in other words not texting other blokes obscene
messages).
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I want a woman who is
less likely to have nasty sexual diseases. These women are easy targets
for men who want to use women for sex, they have suggested they are easy
targets in their text message, so they are likely to make the same
mistakes many more times.
-
I want a woman who is
fertile (the more blokes she has had sex with the less fertile I would
consider a woman to be. Again some sexually transmitted diseases
can make you infertile).
-
I don’t particularly
want to have sex with a woman on the first few dates, what if she becomes
pregnant and I don’t get on well with her? She will end up being a single
parent, I will end up not seeing my child.
What I’m trying to say is that women have become more
sexually aggressive and up front nowadays, this plays into the hands of
guys using women for sex. The traditional women who have a
conservative view about sex and have fewer sexual partners are the ones
that will win the long term relationships with decent men.
I must point out that sending sexually suggestive text
messages is not always bad, but you need to save them until you are in a
relationship with some one. They can be good fun, but timing is
important.
When we resumed this term tho we talked and wen i told
him i went 4 the party he told me he was getting text msgs from some pple
there and i said i didnt knw abt it and then he told me some woman on my
course asked him out for a drink and he said no. now Sam, i dont know y
he told me this ..was he jst being friendly?
Maybe, he was just trying to make it clear, he has many
admirers, but he turned them down because he wanted you. In most
cases, I would say he was probably, boasting and telling lies to win you
over, but in this case you actually know that he is a popular bloke.
he does send me text messages but most times its abt uni wrk
and he asks if i'd had a good weekend.and he flirts with me
occassionally, does some eyecontact and touches my arm for emphasis wen
he talks to me.
Eye contact on it’s own is not proof. Everybody has
to make eye contact at some point, especially with friends. But
together with touching it is conclusive that he fancies you. Would
you touch another bloke you did not fancy?
He used to have a nickname 4 me and once i sent him a
text with a "scary" nickname and ever since hes not called me
my nickname and i miss it .
So why not tell him. Next time he calls you the bad
nickname, say you loved it when he called you the other nickname but you
hate that other one.
we still hang out together and this dude knows about me so
well but has not still asked me out and i am wondering..is he ever gonna
ask me out?
..and considering hes declined the woman on my course have i
got a chance?..
I know he has turned down these other ladies that have
asked him out, but they have asked him out in the wrong way. They
have also asked him too soon and too easily and chased him too much (They
have become his Stalkers or Fans). In your case you have resisted
him and made friends with him. Therefore there is no reason why you
shouldn’t ask him out. He might say no, he might say yes. It
is better than spending the rest of your life wondering whether you
should have asked him out. And it is better than someone else stealing
him from under your nose.
Another option is to make it very easy for him to ask you
out. Ask him what he is doing this weekend. If he says I’m
going to the cinema to watch Star Wars Episode 20. Say “I quite
fancy going to see that myself”. Hopefully he will then say “you
can come too if you want”. Or another option, he asks you what you
are doing this weekend and you say well “I fancied going to see Star Wars
Episode 20, but none of my friends want to see it”. See what I
mean, it is possible to suggest that you want to be asked out, without
him actually realising you are asking him out.
what do u think this guy is up to?...i am just confused.
I would say based on the evidence that you have given me,
he definitely fancies you. I would be amazingly surprised if he
didn’t. Of course I could be wrong, but out of all the messages I
have received, you have given me the most conclusive message with the
best detail I needed.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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