ali t on 20/09/2005
I have recently been introduced to one of my partner's friends and we hit it off immediately. My partner is 9 years older than me and this guy is the same age as me. We started off just getting to know each other and found out we have a lot in common and then it moved on to a flirty friendship. He hadn't really spent much time at our house before this (once or twice a year) and suddenly he seemed to be there all the time. Early on I was stood in the kitchen and he walked past me and touched my waist and I guessed then there was an attraction. We progressed to some fairly blue text messages and e-mails and sat and ate lunch together a few times. Then late one night when my partner was not around I asked him if he'd come round (I know I shouldn't have and to my surprise he did. We kissed and he touched me but then he said he had to leave. I understand why, with him being friends with my partner, and we are now trying not to contact each other. Problem is I don't think this is just lust (on my part) and I am finding it really hard not to see him or contact him. He seems not to be struggling with this at all and I am starting to wonder exactly what (if anything) I actually mean to this guy. So can you tell me this? Did I just make a complete fool of myself for someone else's amusement?
Sam's Response
For Ali T
You said "What (if anything) I actually mean to this guy?"
Well it is difficult to say. He may just want a brief fling with you and some dangerous sex or he may be very interested in a long term relationship with you. A brief fling really is too risky in this situation because he is friends with your current partner, so I would guess he is interested in you, long term.
This will explain just what a difficult situation he is in: He is a close friend of your partner. He can find other women elsewhere but he can't replace his long term core group of friends. It is likely if he runs off with you or has an affair with you, then your partner and all his friends are likely to gang up on him. Very likely that a punch up will ensue and he will be left without a group of friends and probably without you as well.
You say: "Did I just make a complete fool of myself for someone else's amusement?" Men are very different to women. Men very rarely gossip, they keep things to themselves, particularly if it is going to damage his reputation or result in his friend or friends knocking him out. So he is NOT likely to go to his friends and say "Guess what, my best friends partner tried it on with me the other day". No, you didn't make a fool of yourself. If he touched your waist and even kissed you, then he was obviously interested.
Things just got too scary for him, he would of probably visualised what what happen if you partner stepped through the door and saw you both.
Realistically, you are only going to get together if you are single. Even then I would not make yourself single just to see if he shows interest. The fact is that you are partners with his friend and if he is willing to take the risk and is ready to push your relationship further, he will make the next move.
My recommendation to you is try and forget about him, unless you have had enough of your partner. Then you should split up with your partner before making a move on his friend. Otherwise you are going to cause mental strife to this guy you are interested in, as well as your current partner.
It's up to him to make the next move, he is the one who left the situation, when it got too hot. But don't expect him to come back, because it is unlikely.
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