i told him i used to watch porn with an ex partner, and next thing you know
hes downloaded it on pc for us. although i enjoyed watching movies together, im
scared its gona become a problem, like with my ex, because he wanted to do
it more and more on his own, i have told him of my fears, but i dont know what
to do, im scared that i will feel jealous watching these with him as i feel more
for him than any other partner
Reply by Sam
He probably thought you were hinting that you wanted to see some of his
porn.
I think porn is a bit of a dodgy area with women. Men typically like
any kind of porn. Whereas correct me if I'm wrong but most women either
don't like porn or only like the porn where there is a storyline and a build up
to the sex. Men just like pure raw sex type porn, without any of the
foreplay. For that reason I never recommend to blokes they show women their porn
videos. I also advise women not to ask to see a blokes porn videos unless you
really do have an open mind. And if you do ask to see it, really
don't dump a bloke based on what kind of porn he watches, because basically, if
he likes it, then most other blokes probably will (it's just that most other
blokes might not admit it).
Porn is there for pure fantasy and entertainment. He is always going
to watch porn, whether he is going out with you or not. He could watch
porn in front of you or with your knowledge or he could do it secretly without
you being there.
Porn can be an inspiration to men and give him the ability to experiment a
bit more with you when you are having sex together. The problem is men
tend to watch male type porn and think my girlfriend would love that.
Unfortunately he doesn't realise that in real life most women don't like the
things performed in male type porn videos.
Watching porn should not stop a man wanting to have sex with you. If
he has got any brains he will use it only when you are not in the mood for sex.
Because lets face it, most men want sex all the time, so it can be a useful tool
for him to relieve himself when you are not interested in sex. This should
benefit you because he is not hassling you for sex when you are not in the mood
for it.
You have got to make it clear to him when you do want sex, so he is not
fulfilling his fantasies by watching a video, but fulfilling his fantasies with
you. You can make it clear by flirting with him and being sexually
provocative and being sexually adventurous. If you do that right, then he
won't be able to resist you over the videos.
In general though, I don't recommend showing or asking to see porn until
your relationship is well established. Once you start to settle down in a
relationship and sex becomes a bit more mundane, porn is a useful way of spicing
it up a bit, so you keep your sexual drives going.
If you are watching it together both of you should be enjoying it.
But I think it is very difficult for both the man and the woman to enjoy porn
because men and women have such different tastes in porn. So overall I
don't recommend you watch it together, it should be left to him having sex
with you when you want it and him discretely using porn when you are not up for
sex.
I don't see why you should be jealous about a video and a couple of women
performing sexual acts for a big money industry. He is not going to meet
those women, and if he does I'm not sure he would be interested in having a
relationship with them, as attractive as they might look on video.
Overall I wish porn videos didn't exist because they put immense pressure
on women to perform sexual acts that they may not want to do. And they
give men unrealistic views of what women want. But you have also got to
think of what would happen if you abolished porn videos. You would have
millions of sex hungry men, who would be seriously harassing every woman they
set eyes on.
