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blondie on 09/02/2006
i told him i used to watch porn with an
ex partner, and next thing you know hes downloaded it on pc for us.
although i enjoyed watching movies together, im scared its gona become a
problem, like with my ex, because he wanted to do it more and more on
his own, i have told him of my fears, but i dont know what to do, im
scared that i will feel jealous watching these with him as i feel more
for him than any other partner
Reply by Sam
He probably thought you were hinting that
you wanted to see some of his porn.
I think porn is a bit of a dodgy area
with women. Men typically like any kind of porn. Whereas
correct me if I'm wrong but most women either don't like porn or only
like the porn where there is a storyline and a build up to the sex.
Men just like pure raw sex type porn, without any of the foreplay. For
that reason I never recommend to blokes they show women their porn
videos. I also advise women not to ask to see a blokes porn videos unless
you really do have an open mind. And if you do ask to see it,
really don't dump a bloke based on what kind of porn he watches, because
basically, if he likes it, then most other blokes probably will (it's
just that most other blokes might not admit it).
Porn is there for pure fantasy and
entertainment. He is always going to watch porn, whether he is
going out with you or not. He could watch porn in front of you or
with your knowledge or he could do it secretly without you being
there.
Porn can be an inspiration to men and
give him the ability to experiment a bit more with you when you are
having sex together. The problem is men tend to watch male type
porn and think my girlfriend would love that. Unfortunately he
doesn't realise that in real life most women don't like the things
performed in male type porn videos.
Watching porn should not stop a man
wanting to have sex with you. If he has got any brains he will use
it only when you are not in the mood for sex. Because lets face it,
most men want sex all the time, so it can be a useful tool for him to relieve
himself when you are not interested in sex. This should benefit you
because he is not hassling you for sex when you are not in the mood for
it.
You have got to make it clear to him when
you do want sex, so he is not fulfilling his fantasies by watching a
video, but fulfilling his fantasies with you. You can make it clear
by flirting with him and being sexually provocative and being sexually
adventurous. If you do that right, then he won't be able to resist
you over the videos.
In general though, I don't recommend
showing or asking to see porn until your relationship is well
established. Once you start to settle down in a relationship and
sex becomes a bit more mundane, porn is a useful way of spicing it up a
bit, so you keep your sexual drives going.
If you are watching it together both of
you should be enjoying it. But I think it is very difficult
for both the man and the woman to enjoy porn because men and women have
such different tastes in porn. So overall I don't recommend you watch
it together, it should be left to him having sex with you when you
want it and him discretely using porn when you are not up for sex.
I don't see why you should be jealous
about a video and a couple of women performing sexual acts for a big
money industry. He is not going to meet those women, and if he does
I'm not sure he would be interested in having a relationship with them,
as attractive as they might look on video.
Overall I wish porn videos didn't exist
because they put immense pressure on women to perform sexual acts that
they may not want to do. And they give men unrealistic views of
what women want. But you have also got to think of what would
happen if you abolished porn videos. You would have millions of sex
hungry men, who would be seriously harassing every woman they set eyes
on.
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