i have a nice-ish body (i'm not too fat or thin) and i just can't seem to get a boyfriend my friends say i have a great personality and they say they want to be just like me. But i can't get a boyfriend and i've been single for 4 years and i can't be bothered to look for "Mr right" to come along. Please help i can't understand why lads won't look at me.

Sam's Reply

Your body is the most important thing to attract attention and your personality is the most important thing to make a relationship last.

I say that because most men will check out a woman with a gorgeous body.  However only the most confident men, will approach a woman with a gorgeous body.  The reason for that is most men believe gorgeous women are unapproachable.  They think, I don't stand a chance with them so I won't bother.  The key thing is that most will still check you out and some won't be able to keep their eyes off you.  There is also a tendency for men to presume that you are bound to have a boyfriend or you are bound to have blokes approaching you all the time, so he is likely to look a failure if he approaches you.  Another common problem men have with good looking women is a "bitch attitude".  You approach a woman and all you get is "get lost loser", a less confident man will retreat in this situation and be a bit hurt, though he won't say that.  A confident man might keep on trying or will retreat and just move onto the next target.

The place where personality comes in, is when you are dating men.  If you have a good personality, this can help you keep a man.  What man is going to turn down a woman that he gets on well with.  Even then, you might have a great personality, but that personality is not always going to be compatible with every man you meet. I think personality incompatibility is the most common reason for a relationship breakdown.  If your personalities are not compatible why carry on.  When men use women for sex, you could conclude that the reason they are using the women for sex is because they don't see them as a long term relationship potential.  Therefore they try and keep the relationship going for as long as possible so they can use the woman for sex for as long as possible.  Though not all men are like this!

What you need to do, is get to know men as friends and get to know men through your friends.  By getting to know them a bit more, you can crush the barriers where men think you are unapproachable because Yawn "they think your out of their league".  Be more conscious of where men are looking when you walk into a room.  If you are gorgeous they will catch sneaky looks at you when you are not looking.  A useful tip is to watch in mirrors in a pub or nightclub to see if the guys behind you are checking you out.  Because most will not do it openly.  If you catch one looking that you like, just smile at them and look away, then look back at some point.