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bunnytail on 17/04/2006
There is a guy at work who appears to be
always flirting with me. He always puts his arm round me you know he runs
his hand across my back and onto my shoulder.
That takes quite a lot of guts, he could
easily be done for sexual harassment.
Recently he has started to cuddle me and
just last week when he was cuddling me he leant down and gave me a kiss
on the cheek. He did it twice last week but this is the first time he's
ever kissed me in any way. He txts me as well and if anyone asks about me
he says "she means the world to me and Id do anything for her".
You can't just magic those words out of
anywhere, he must have thought of them somehow, so he must be somewhat
genuine about you.
The problem is I am unsure if he is just
playing or if he wants to take things further.
Playing? I know you might get the odd guy
who messes around occasionally. But a guy that persistently
cuddles, kisses and hugs you must be more than playing.
Particularly as he is risking his job by messing about with you.
He takes my face in his hands and stands
there just staring into my eyes.
A guy, really cannot look a woman in the
eyes for a long period of time, unless he is attracted to her. Some
guys can't even look a woman in the eyes if they are attracted to her,
because eye contact makes a man so nervous. Eye contact can mean
something threatening, for example when people want to start a fight they
usually give lots of eye contact, the only other times when there is
close eye contact is with friends and close partners. Believe me,
he must be interested if he holds your face and stares into your eyes.
Could you give me any advice?? For you
think he wants more or is he just playing???
He wants more, that's all I can say from
the points your have made.
Reply by bunnytail on 23.04.06
I just wondered if you thought he would
ever take it any further??? Its just technically I am his line manager
and he is a lot older than me.
Women tend to go for older men and men
tend to go for younger women. Well within reason, I would say 10
years older, tends to be the limit for the majority of women. Men
of course don't tend to have a limit on how young a woman they go
for. Though quite often older men, think that a younger women is
unlikely to fancy them. Indeed some young women do hate older men
and call them dirty old men or dirty pervs, this can mean that men think
all women label older men in this way. If you have not given him
any indication that you think of him as a dirty old man, then hopefully
he will be comfortable with you.
I really dont feel that this is a problem
and I have let him touch in the hope that he would realise that I want
him to take it further. I can not ask him out or make a move on him in
case he doesnt want me to, you see it would reflect badly at work if I
made the move.
Yes, I do agree with you there. All
you can really do, is make it known that you don't mind him putting his
hands all over you and you don't mind him chatting you up. It is
very difficult having a relationship or starting a relationship with
someone at work. If it backfires, then it not only affects your
work, but it affects the way your colleagues see you and in particular
the way this person treats you.
He is quite nervous when he is around me
It doesn't sound as though he is that
nervous around you, if he can pluck up the courage to put his hands all
over you. Just don't give him any reason to become nervous, like
flinch when he touches you, or snap at him and tell him to stop doing
that, or call him a dirty old man.
do you have any tips on how I can make
him more confident and comfortable enough to make his move?
You just need to let him know that your
relaxed and friendly with him. Eventually a point will come into
the conversation where you can hint that you want to be asked out without
actually asking him out. For example he asks what you are doing
this weekend, you say I fancy seeing something at the cinema but none of
your friends will go and see it, or you say it is going to be a boring
weekend all my friends are away, I'll have to find somebody else to go
out with. Or ask him what he is doing this weekend and say you
fancy doing exactly the same thing, see if he bites.
When you walk up to him in the office and
there is nobody looking, move your body close to him and brush him,
others will not notice, but I bet he notices if your thigh or your hands
touch him or indeed any other part of your body.
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