I have been seperated from my husband for 9 months and divorce is under way. 5 months ago I started talking to one of his best mates who he has grown up with at school but they don't see too much off each other now. We were talking for a few months then one thing led to another. He has been seperated from his wife for 8 years. The relationship started to get heavy on both sides now he is getting scared with his feelings, guilt hits, in with his best friend and he is worried how others will perceive him. He says it would be easier if it was later down the line my ex had moved on and was happy etc.

I agree that in his situation he would be feeling guilty and maybe a bit scared.  Men's image and reputation amongst other people is very important to them (though they don't normally admit it).  Nor do they usually admit they are a bit scared.  He will be scared that your ex is going to come back on the scene and all of a sudden you are going to get back with him.  Or maybe your ex is going to get back on the scene and cause some trouble.  Most men prefer to avoid trouble (though there are exceptions).

I have said to him if there are no feelings just finish it he says it's just the situation but he can't end it because he will regret it and he does have feelings. I don't know what to do, I want to carry on hoping that his feelings will get stonger as it is still very early days for us and not just to give up like with all relationships you have to try.

I think you have identified a very good point here, and it was the point that I was thinking when I read above.  His feelings for you are not strong yet.  Because if they were strong, then he probably wouldn't be having these doubts.  As you say it is only early days yet and you have got to give it time for your relationship to evolve. 

I am worried that if I end it he may just think I wasn't that interested which I am very much so or he will just switch off his feelings and think it's for the best.

Yes, that is exactly what he would do.  You seem to actually know men quite well.  If a woman dumps a man, he tends to switch off his feelings towards a woman and just try and move onto the next available woman as soon as possible.

If I do end it and his feelings are that strong will he realise and try again or just give up, how do men work in this situation.

I would say it depends on the man and how much feelings he has for you so far.  But in general most men will just give up and move onto the next woman.  In the early stages of a relationship, there's no point in sticking with a woman, if the woman decides it's over.  It would be much more easier for him to negotiate a new relationship with a new woman, that is more likely to work out.  Yes, he may want to come back to you for sex, if he doesn't find that other woman, but deep down he will know your relationship is not meant to last long term.

What should I do keep at it or end it.

Too many woman make quick decisions that they later regret and end up either regretting what they did or going crawling back because they have too many feelings for the guy.  Everything you've said in this message has indicated that you actually have feelings for him.  Yet, like many women you want to make a situation more complicated than it actually is.  You are talking about doing the exact opposite to what you really want by finishing him, in the hope that you have second guessed that he will then become more keen and want to win you back.  Many women have got to realise that it is not a game of chess where you have to pre-empt your partners next move.  It is not that complicated and it certainly isn't a game. 

A relationship has to evolve over time, you can't just expect a guy to instantly fall in love with you.  So my advice is to do exactly what you want and don't make it anymore complicated than that.  From what you have said in this message you certainly want to keep it, and that's what I recommend you do.

I guess I push him for answers because of the feelings he has told me he has and then he goes a bit cold like he thinks he shouldn't be doing this or may be he is worried I will just find someone else.

Never push a guy into making decisions early on in the relationship.  It scares the hell out of him, and makes him think, it is like this now imagine how pushy she will be after living with her for a few years.  Men need time.

He wants to know what I am doing all the time if I go out with my mates etc.

If that's the case, then yes maybe he is worried that you are going to get with somebody else, when you are out with your mates.  Male partners do worry a lot about women going out nowadays, because women paint the picture that they don't do one night stands, but in actual fact he will know that quite a few women do have one night stands.

I really like him what if we are the perfect match will it just happen they say if it is meant to be it will happen or do I have to work at it.

To me a perfect match will just fall into place anyway.  In the early stages of a relationship both people tend to be nervous.  Eventually though, the perfect match will just happen and you both would be completely relaxed in each others company.  You won't find out if you are the perfect match unless you give it a go.  I don't think you need to work at it really, it should just happen.  But most of all both of you should want it to happen.

Please help don't want to blow my chances havn't a clue how men think or are there any right things for me to say or do to help the situation. If he says his heart says no for the moment does that mean forever or do I give him time I'm not the sort that can just switch off feelings.

If he says your finished, then that is the end of it.  You shouldn't give your relationship a second chance.  Because basically if it didn't happen the first time, it is just going to end up the same way the second time.  It's only early on in your relationship so you need to give it time to evolve.  After you have experienced the relationship a while longer, you should get the idea of whether it is going to work.  I must admit his thoughts at the moment don't seem very reassuring, which does put doubts into my mind about whether it will work long term.  He maybe trying to back himself out of the relationship gradually.  But nevertheless you can't come to that conclusion so early. 

He is the one having doubts, so he has to be the one that makes the decision.  You should only make the decision if you start to feel it is not working or your not enjoying the relationship.  What you shouldn't do is finish the relationship yourself, when really you want to make it work.  So all I can say is give it time, before you make any decisions.

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