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dawnimo on 13/02/2006
I met a guy at the weekend and ended up
back at his, one thing led to another and i didn't leave until the
following evening.
This is the first time i've ever slept
with a guy on the first night and i'm a bit confused. Basically i don't
know what to do next. We had a good laugh together and he gave me his
number. I sent him a message a couple of days later with some general
banter and he text me back. What i want to know is how to find out if he
is interested at all? Do i send him a message (if so what do i say with
out coming across like an idiot or worse) or should i wait to hear from
him?
I'm not long out of a long term
relationship and not sure exactly what i'm looking for but this guy is
nice and i'd just want some advice as what to do next.
Reply by Sam
As you probably know from reading my
other articles, I don't recommend having sex, so soon in a relationship.
This is particularly if you want to find out if he is serious about you.
Well did you reply to the text he sent
you? If so then you need to reply to the text he sent you.
It is pretty difficult now, because you
played into his hands by having sex with him straight away. There
could be a few situations that result from this:
1) He doesn't fancy you and it was only a
one night stand and he wants to forget about it, unlikely but possible.
2) He was using you for sex and wasn't
the slightest bit interested in a relationship. But will contact
you again when he wants sex and can't get it elsewhere. More likely
than possibility 1.
3) He would like a relationship with you,
but is not sure whether you are interested in him. He doesn't want
to be too keen because this might put you off. More likely than
possibility 1.
As you have indicated that you didn't
reply to his text? (I presuming that by the way you have worded your
message to me). You need to give him the benefit of the doubt at
the moment and presume he falls into category 3. And therefore if
he was the last one to send a message, you need to send him a message with
an open ended message that he needs to reply to if he is interested in
you.
The problem is this still will not tell
you whether he falls into category 2 or 3. Because if he falls into
category 2 he will want to keep you sweet, so will more than likely reply
back. And he may not want to meet up with you until he feels like
his next sex session.
Now you see why I never recommend sex on
a first date, if you want a serious relationship out of it.
If you wait to hear from him, and he
falls within category 3, he will probably not contact you. If he
falls into category 2, he will be contacting when he is ready for some
sex.
The best thing you can do now, is to
contact him and meet up with him a few times before having sex with him
again. The more times you go out, without him getting sex, the more
likely you are to be able to tell whether he wants both you and sex or
whether he just wants the sex on it's own.
All you need to do in the text message is
make general conversation, eventually after a few text messages an opportunity
will come for you or him to ask you out. There is no point in
thinking you are going to look like an idiot, this is the dating game
your playing, you are going to have successes and failures, if you don't
take risks then you are not going to get anywhere.
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here to Ask Sam some questions
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