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dippy girl on 02.11.2005
 There is a guy at work who i really really like. I have however made a lot of mistakes. I did not fancy him when i started and he is asian (and so am i). I told him then that I never fancied asian men because i did not want to marry the male asian stereotype.

Since that time we all went away to Prague with work, and me and him spent 4 hours in a nightclub just chatting. He told me he was seeing someone and spent a long time asking about my love life.

I was then away for a month. When i got back i realised how much i liked him and as time as gone on it has got worst. We spend a lot of time flirting and always chat a lot on nights out again. A lot of people at work have commented on how well we get on and there appears to be some chemistry.

However last week we went to another conference where on one night he just did not turn up. He said he fell asleep. The rest of the conference he paid me some flirty attention but at other times went cold.

He has started to make comments about how i dolled myself up at the conference and i must have been on the pull. I definitely saw him looking at my breasts at one point during that week.

However, this week I am confused. It is our new years day on the indian calender today and we usually try to spend these days with our families. We both live away from home and he asked me what I was doing. I said nothing and he was saying he wanted to gate crash someone's family do. I said that I was not going home so couldn't crash mine. He later said at lunch that he could do with a home cooked meal. I replied I could not cook so again could not oblige.

At the end of the day he came to tell me he was going home and that he was low as it had not felt like a special celebration this year. He started talking about other things as well.

I started to tease him to say he could come to my mums if he wanted and he said no which is fine.

About 10 minutes later I suggested we went for a drink(just as mates). He said no he was going to home and to the gym

But if he likes me he would have come wouldn't he?

Sam's Response

Hi dippy_girl
You said "A lot of people at work have commented on how well we get on and there appears to be some chemistry" People can have a lot of chemistry as friends, it does not necessarily mean they would be good in a relationship. Two people at my work, bounce off each other in conversation, jokes and flirting wise. Everyone including me reckon they would be good as an item. But when you even suggest they could be an item, they both give a repulsed look. They both have had plenty of chance to get together at parties, but neither is really interested in the other in that way.

You said "he paid me some flirty attention but at other times went cold" This is nothing conclusive, I find myself giving women I don't fancy, some flirty attention all the time. I just can't stop myself, it is built into my personality.

You said "I definitely saw him looking at my breasts" Still not conclusive. If women have a nice pair, a man just can't help looking at them. I was in a meeting the other day and there was a woman in her late 50's with a lot cut top. I could not keep my eyes off her breasts, despite my brain telling me to stop several times. She really was not attractive to me, but for some reason everytime I lost my concentration, my eyes dropped down to her boobs.

You said "I said that I was not going home so couldn't crash mine., I replied I could not cook so again could not oblige." Two negative replies, he would probably draw the conclusion that you are not interested.

You said "started to tease him to say he could come to my mums if he wanted and he said no which is fine., I suggested we went for a drink, He said no he was going home". It could be that he is mirroring exactly what you have done. By giving you two negative answers back. Or he could have just lost his patience with you after the two negative answers, and thought he can't be bothered making an effort. He may have thought you were been serious, when you offered to take him home to see your mam. Men certainly don't want to meet the parents on a first date, the very thought of it (joke or not), is enough to put him off.

You said "But if he likes me he would have come wouldn't he?" I would have thought if he was interested he would have said yes, pretty much jumped at the chance. I think you would be better off looking for someone else, you are both not on the same wavelength at the same time.

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