Sam's Response
You say "I moved my arm forwards, and then so did he". You can class that as 'mirroring' and that is a sign that he either fancies you or you are a very close friend. Judging by the length of time you have known each other, it could be either. Close friends do mirror each other and touch each other so it is not conclusive evidence that he fancies you but add a few other signals and it might become conclusive.

You mentioned a film and an art gallery, both of which you know he likes. Have you just mentioned it or have you actually asked him to come? Women often seem to have this problem that they will hint that they want to go somewhere but won't actually ask the question. For example, a woman would say "I'm going to the art gallery with my friends this Sunday" instead of "I'm going to the art gallery with my friends this sunday, do you fancy coming?" Men are not the slightest bit psychic, if you want to ask him a question, ask him, don't leave him to guess whether you are asking him to come or not.

The majority of men are not as socially intelligent as women. If you just make a statement and he thinks of saying "I would not mind going myself" (he will probably think he is being pushy, clingy or sounding desperate saying this), then you say "oh no it is just for my friends", then he will find it difficult to cope with that social situation. So usually he will avoid saying it in the first place.

You say "started occassionally looking at my tits, he's started looking at my midriff/hips sometimes". As friends you can expect him to give you a lot of eye contact and focus on your face a lot and maybe drift down your body very occasionally. But if you have noticed him looking at your tits and your hips on more than a few occasions, I think you can safely say that he is thinking of what it would be like to get his hands on them. In the first paragraph I was saying that mirroring alone is not conclusive, it must be supported by other signals, I think the signals he is giving here supports the mirroring signals that he fancies you.

To me you are showing classic signs of knowing each other for a long time. You value each other as close friends, but because of that close friend thing neither of you want to risk losing the friendship by making the final move and tell the other you are interested in more than that.

It is difficult to say how to cautiously try and push your relationship further because you have to do it correctly for it to work.

Realistically you want a situation where you are both alone together, no distractions from other people and where you are more able to concentrate and relax in each others company. Invite him back to your place for dinner or to watch a DVD. Maybe he is good at fixing computers or electrics or plumbing in which case you can invite him back to your place to help out. Bear in mind he might expect sex if you do this.

A cinema or theatre is a very good place to get started. There's nobody watching and you can ACCIDENTALLY touch. You say you pulled away from him. You found out he wasn't bothered by you touching him. So why bother pulling away from him anymore. If he moves just say sorry was that your arm or just pretend you did not notice.

Any chance you get to move near to him without it looking forced, take it. For example you are walking through a crowd, keep pressing against him or sticking close to him, if you get the chance grab hold of his hand because you want to make sure you don't lose each other in the crowd.

Ultimately it requires one of you to take a risk and risk your friendship. Lets face it while you are waiting around he could end up finding someone else, would that be more devastating? If you make the move and he doesn't fancy you, there are plenty more people you can have as close friends.

Please bear in mind that I hope my take on your situation is correct but I am neither there to experience it, nor am I right all time. It is ultimately up to you to evaluate the situation. Good Luck!

Reply by erosok on 31.08.2005

Thanks, I know that you aren't where I am and may not be right but every bit of insight helps. Especially with the body language -I had a friend who suggested he was 'checking out your child-bearing/nurturing capabilities' and I nearly puked: even if you're not right I feel more comfortable with things.
I think on reflection that I had been a bit too subtle with the invites (so as not to seem pushy myself!), so will bear in mind the male mind and be a bit more obvious next time! You're right about taking a risk and if I don't I don't think he will (he's older than I am, and made a few comments about his age a few weeks ago which seemed designed to see if it bothers me - it doesn't, we get on too well for that - and he's not mentioned it since), so basically this is to say thank you for the suggestions about accidental touching, but if they don't work I'm not going to blame you :-) Interestingly enough he's just nearly (but not quite) touched my arm/back himself while ushering me through a door and now I've paid attention to the 'mirroring' thing it's something we both do unconsciously quite a lot (leg crossing towards each other, hands touching our cheeks, leaning one elbow on our kness) I think we're going to get there! It's unfortunate that he's totally DIY inpractical and doesn't even garden so the more obvious dinner/DVD will have to do. All I need now is an appropriate time and to realise that if I get knocked back its not the end of the world as at least I tried and it may be better to regret doing something than regret doing nothing in this case. Thanks again!

Sam's Reply

Thanks for your comments.

Sorry to make you nearly puke again but I reckon your friend is right. His conscious brain will be thinking I can't wait to get my hands on her body. His unconscious brain will be assessing your child rearing capabilities.

So whilst he will only be consciously thinking I can't wait to get my hands on her, his unconscious brain will be assessing your potential fertility.

Just like your conscious brain is probably assessing his personality whereas your unconscious brain is probably assessing his ability to produce babies and protect you (even if you are not interested in babies at the moment).

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