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futileefforts  on  29/06/2005

if a guy used to talk to you a lot and now no longer talks to you anymore at all after conversation got a bit weird after he realised that you liked him, what does that mean?

Sam's response

A similar thing happened to me, except in my case it was a woman who no longer talked to me. Eventually after giving her some time, I got my head around the fact she was only a friend. From that point onwards I have talked to her as a friend only. Actually I think it has added something else to the relationship in that she seems to be thinking, does he fancy me after all? (because I never actually told her I fancied her, I think she just worked out from what I said).

In your case my interpretation is that it could mean one of two things:

1) He saw you as a friend or a sister figure and enjoyed talking to you on a friendly/sisterly basis. He then found out you fancy him and because he does not fancy you, it has made him very uncomfortable around you. He probably can't get his head around the idea (Can I talk to her as a friend, even though I know she fancies me?). Men often find it very difficult to communicate and avoidance is usually what they opt for.

My recommendation is to either forget about him or to try and engage him again as a friend, anything else it not going to work.

2) He did fancy you but the conversation that you had creeped him out. Men very rarely tell a woman if they are creeped out by something.

Just as women find some things that men say a little creepy, men find some things that women say creepy. With men it is usually something emotional that he finds creepy or coming on too strong, too quickly.

It may seem something minor or petty to a woman, but believe me a mans mind works differently to a womans. For example asking Do you love me? or working out how many children you want and where you want to live on the first date or aggressive talk like I punched my last boyfriend because I think he was cheating on me or my last boyfriend treated me really badly.

My recommendation in this case is again to engage him as friend (don't be too pushy or try to spend too much time with him). Try and avoid any conversation that makes him feel uncomfortable. If you are lucky he will forget about the conversation eventually and work you back into his life as a friend. Then if you are very lucky he might fancy you again.

It could be that you are putting a barrier in the way without even noticing. I think this was probably the case with the woman I had a problem with. Without knowing it, I was avoiding her and my body language looked uncomfortable when she was around. As soon as I got my head round the fact she was just a friend and I valued her as a friend, everything was good again.

In conclusion: the safest option would be to presume that he does not fancy you. Either forget about him or work him back into your life as a friend.


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