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girly 84 on 08/02/2006
Im meeting a guy tonight for a drink that
i have liked for a long time. But im really not sure if he feels the
same!
He is a VERY shy person with everyone but
is so amazingly manly at the same time!
I have been given signals from him that
would suggest that he both likes me and doesn't! I really don't know what
to do about this. Most of his friends are always dropping hints that i
should just try and tell him. but to be honest I just don't have the guts
to get knocked back bye a guy i really like!
Can you help me before i go to meet him
tonight?
Sam's response
All I
can say is be yourself and be relaxed.
You
haven't gave me much detail about your Previous meetings, how you met,
what he is Like.
But
you indicated he is shy. And that indicates To me you will have to
do more of the legwork with Him, than you do with most guys. Most
shy guys will Not be comfortable with meeting and talking to ladies In
public places, if there are other people present.
Shy
does not mean he lacks self confidence. ItGenerally means he is not
particularly good in Social situations but is most probably confident At
other things. Being able to converse well is A talent just as much
as everything else, and as he is shy, his talents obviously lie elsewhere.
You
need to get him on his own, in a comfortable Atmosphere where he can feel
free to talk. Often You can get shy people talking quite a lot, if
they Feel comfortable talking to you. But don't forcefully Push him
into any situation, if he feels he is being Pushed into a corner so you
can have a conversation With him, he might get a bit scared. You
have to Do it tactfully.
He
needs to know that you want to speak to him. Often women have this
habit of saying I'm not going To speak to him, because I'll look
desperate, he'll Have to come and speak to me (Any Excuse to make the Man
do the work, basically). With a shy guy, you Have to go to him,
until he begins to realise, you Actually want to talk to him, so he will
eventually Start going to you. But of course don't excessively
Hinder him and cling to him too much in the early Stages.
Give
him some confidence, that you are interested in What he has to say and
that you are interested in His talents. Pay him complements about
his talents, A few but not too many.
You
said: "I have been given signals from him that would suggest that he
both likes me and doesn't!"
All
men go hot and cold. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you.
Most Men go hot and cold because women tend to respond more to
that.
With
him he might just be thinking, she probably isn't that interested In me,
or he is maybe having a bad day, or maybe some other woman has Gave him
some agro (so he's thinking I want to be single for the rest Of my
life).
You
said: "I just don't have the guts to get knocked back bye a guy i
really like!"
Not
very many women do have the guts to get knocked back, too many make
Excuses and lose their chance. The fact is that if you do get knocked
back, There are plenty of other guys out their. And even if they
find out you've Been knocked back, it won't mean that the ones that fancy
you will not Fancy you anymore because you got knocked back from someone
else.
Women
Tend to be much more socially intelligent than men, and therefore can
Work around the situation much easier by not directly asking a man out,
or Pretending that they were only joking when they asked them out.
One of
the most common things women do, is drop hints like "I fancy Going
to see X at the cinema", or you asking him what he is doing this
Weekend and he says "Going to the football match" and you say
"I've Always wanted to see what's it like at a football
match".
But
you can also engage in flirty, suggestive jokes. Blokes like these
Type of jokes as long as it doesn't suggest that you are a bit of a
tart.
A few
other suggestions are to touch him. You might be in conversation
And briefly touch his arm, his back, his shoulder. Or you may get a
Bit playful with him and nudge him in the shoulder, if he is
joking. If you are in A crowded place you may want to brush past
him, making sure the Maximum amount of your body ends up touching
him. He has to take Notice of you after that, and it is something
you can do quickly, By the time he has looked around to see who it is,
you can be in The distance, he'll know it is you but you both avoid the
Embarrassment of some close contact (because it is brief).
Don't
do touching forcefully and because he is shy it is probably best not to
do any touching without you having the ability to leave the situation,
Because he might become uncomfortable. It is up to you to judge the
Best time to do the touching, when you feel right and comfortable.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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