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heavenly on 13/07/2006
My situation has been going on since
December '05. A guy at uni came and sat in front of me in a lecture and
asked me what i was doing at the weekend. I told him I was going to the
cinema and he was really nervous and red -faced.
Sounds like a guy whose not used to
chatting up and asking out women. The more nervous he is, the more
he fancies you. Sometimes people are prone to blushing and this
blushing can make them nervous.
I didn't think much of it then more and
more interactions were taking place between us ( initiated by him) He
would strike up conversations with me and seek me out to talk to. He told
one of my friends that he thought I was lovely. Once he told me he was
having problems with a certain aspect of the course and I gave him my
number to call me if he ever needed any "help" ;) My friends
noticed he would always be watching me coming in and out of the room and
always had to sit close by to me. His female friends would make an effort
to talk to me and they knew my name even though I didn't know them !
Sometimes I would here them say "Here's Haley, John") to get
him to realise I had just walked around the corner etc.
Yes, he fancies, you. And he has
either told his female friends or they have spotted the obvious signs.
At Uni we got placed on a project
together, just the two of us as if by fate. Before our project together
he called me with a pathetic excuse to talk about the project. he was
very nervous on the phone. He told me he had split up with his girlfriend
of two years two months ago and was gutted about it at the time. ( I
realised that two months ago his interest in me had surged, more
eye-contact etc) I was really shocked that he had a girlfriend as I
always thought he fancied me! (well
he could be telling a porky to get you more interested in him).
When we started out project he kept
dropping hints about a future together ie "when you meet my
parents" and he was asking me about my future plans for my career as
a social worker. I told him that I have family in Melbourne and am
considering working there. He came in the next day and said that he had
checked the social work journals and we can go to Melbourne as jobs are
available. He also kept stressing that he would not go out with a girl
who was a non christian, he is a very strict christian from a
bible-believing church and said it's always best to be friends first. (I
am a non christian)
He is probably stating his standards for a
woman. Not sure whether he is trying to say to you, he is not an
easy catch and is very fussy about his women or what. Either way, I
doubt he would stick to that point about being christian. Though if
you did have a long term relationship, he might try and push you into
being a christian or adopting christian values.
Then, to turn the tables he said that he
would get back with his ex if she ever came back to him.
Again, I think maybe he is trying to say,
I'm not so easy. Trying to play the hard to get kind of
bloke. But he's not particularly good at chatting up women.
After saying this the very next day we
got into a big conversation and he started again how he would not go out
with a non christian girl as he views dating as a prelude to marriage etc
etc and then he asked me to start going to his church with him, I said
that I would think about it.
This guys seems a bit pushy to me.
I started to go to my local church on my
own and let him know that I was going. I let him know that I was going
and he seemed happy but not overly interested. I thought this was strange
as he seemed to really want to get me to church. He asked me in total 4
times. I asked him straight one day, "Why do you want me to go to
church with you so much" He said that he didn't want me to go, it
was all for my benefit that he was doing it. He was quite abrupt and
ended the conversation and walked away from me !
Sometimes, nervousness can cause men to
sound abrupt, but also a lack of communication skills with women, leave
some men finding it quite difficult to communicate with women.
He can never look me in the eye now and
doesn't approach me or want to talk to me anymore yet he continues to
stare at me. He does say Hello.
He may have got scared or may even have
changed his mind about you. Or he may have fancied you a lot, then
thought you don't fancy him, so he doesn't want to seem like a
stalker. Or he may have found out other people were talking about
him and thought he was starting to look desperate by talking to
you. If a man finds out or works out that a woman doesn't fancy
him, he feels humiliated and tends to avoid any contact with that
woman. He is giving off such confusing signs, that I don't think
you, me or even himself is going to fully understand his actions.
Another girl warned me that she thought
he liked her (she's pretty) but it turned out he didn't. I mean it sounds
like he was friendly to her and she got the wrong end of the stick but
nothing like it was between me and him. But maybe that's because I don't
know the full story with her or i want to believe things were different
between me and him.
I asked him recently if he knows that
girls find his behaviour misleading and he said that it's not his fault
if girls jump to the wrong conclusions and they should get to know him
better first before they get hurt. I asked him this over text and used
the term "girls" rather than,"I" as I didnt want to
sound too confrontational. He said that it is not his fault he is
friendly.
I just wonder what happened here, is it
because this guy is a naive Christian that he doesn't realise what he is
doing to girls?
To me his behaviour suggested he fancied
you. Then he was put off or scorned because he thought you didn't
fancy him. So tried to avoid you.
Is he recruiting for the church?
I've never met a young guy that is so
dedicated to recruiting for the church. There is believing in what
you stand for and pushing your beliefs on someone else. I have
never known a young guy, go against the trend and push christian beliefs,
because ultimately it would tend to lead to him being picked on by
others.
Is he a little headworker ? Is he playing
games ?
From your description he sounds like a guy
who has been brought up with very strong christian beliefs. But is
frustrated by the modern day values of youngsters. In other words
sex has become a leisure activity and relationships and marriages are in
disarray. This frightens him, because it goes against his beliefs,
and he probably lacks the ability to talk about sex and other naughty
things that non-christian believers talk about. For example if you
start a conversation to him about the number 69 sex position, he would
not know what to say, would become extremely embarrassed and would shoot
off as fast as a whippet.
He is also probably thinks you either do
not fancy him or he has looked a little bit desperate in constantly
pursuing you. And as an excuse he is now blanking you and
pretending he didn't fancy you, and trying to use his christian values as
an excuse for a reason he doesn't fancy you and any other woman he looked
like fancying.
I would just like an independant opinion
:) I don't mind if you say something negative like, it seems like a game
all along, I just value honesty and for the time being I have accepted
that he doesn't want to be my boyfriend even though his behaviour
suggested that he did for a long time.
I personally think he fancied you and is
now running scared for some reason (only he knows). But long term I
think your going to find this guy difficult. He sounds as though he
is a bit lost in life at the moment and needs to gain some self
confidence around dealing with women. And decide for sure what type
of woman he wants and develop a better way of communicating with
them. He also maybe a bit of a moody kind of guy, (a bit like a
hormonal woman, but a hormonal guy instead, oops sorry ladies for that
comparison).
I think you should be friendly with him
(if you want to be). But don't really pursue him, don't go out of
your way to ignore him, but don't go out of your way to talk to him
either (play it cool). If he decides he is interested in you again,
then gradually work your way back to getting to know him. I think
you almost certainly need to get to know him more, before deciding
whether you fancy him.
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