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heavenly on 06/11/2006
this is continued from " He seemed keen now he's avoiding eye contact and
hardly talks to me."
The Saga Continues !
It's me again with my drawn-out love
drama, but I can't help it cos I really like him but we are both coy!
Ah women, love to create a
drama. Men like to keep things simple.
After the summer break and going
back to uni at first things were really awkward. He was looking at me and
I couldn't even look at him because the whole summer break I was thinking
about him and I felt soooo nervous around him! One of my friends said
that he was giving me big beaming smiles and I would not even see them!
If several of your friends have
noticed, it must be significant.
After I finally acknowledged him he
has started to come and sit with me at lunch and talk to me briefly but
its hard to talk as others are there.
Ah, so my advice has paid
off. You have "played it cool" with him (even if it
wasn't deliberate) and now he has wondered what the hell is going on and
started to acquire an interest in you again.
One time he came and sat with me and
we were alone. He gave me a compliment about my hair and said, I noticed
you had it done about 3 weeks ago and it really suits you (He doesnt
really go around saying things like that as he's not really the
"smooth" type!)
He's been observant, that's good
and he has taken the time to note you had your hair done and actually
tell you he likes it. Maybe he wouldn't mind running his fingers
through it.
He has also started giving me eye
contact. It was a bug-bear with me in the past that he didn't give me any
eye contact and one time in uni I got my mate to ask me questions about
what really bugs me in a man and I said "when a man can't look me in
the eye, cos I can't trust him !" Since then he has made a dramatic
improvement in this area!
Very cunning and not even I
thought of that idea.
Then just as I thought things were
going well, him making an effort to sit with me, the eye-contact, the
compliment, he said that he went on a date at the weekend with an
"absolutely stunning girl,"
This again suggests he is trying
to make you jealous, and indicate that he can attract super stunning
women, so he is no pushover. Women tend to go for men that are
popular, particulalry ones that are popular with stunning women. So
to build up their reputation men will go around spreading all sorts
of rumours about their reputation for dating stunning women.
I asked if he would be seeing her
again and he said that he would, I said " that's okay I can always
hire a hit-man to make her mysteriously dissappear,
You said that? It should have been
quite obvious you fancy him from that comment.
and he seemed to ponder this! (
! it's okay don't get scared, im just that kind of jokey person !)
Then, on the next breath, he said
that he wanted to get back with his ex ( the one he had mentioned to me
before when he said he would have her back if she wants to come back to
him) I said that I could not understand why he wants to get back with his
ex because he knew that the relationship was going downhill and he didnt
try to do anything to "save" it. He admitted this was true but
said that he loves her and if he sees her in the street he will tell her
that he loves her. ( Even though when he was with her he couldn't take
his eyes off me !)
Talking about your ex, is not
something that guys usually do with women they fancy, at least not guys
that are in the know. Unless he is under the delusion that if he
talks about his ex and his hopes of getting back with her, that he is
somehow enhancing his reputation further. In general the last thing a bloke
should do when he fancies a woman is to start talking about their ex and
even worse saying that he wants to get back with her. This kind of
pushes you into friend territory with him. Though judging by the
way some men think, they probably won't understand that talking about
your ex is a bad thing.
He then asked me what had happened
in my last couple of relationships that had made me so happily single (or
relationship - avoidant !) and asked if I had been hurt. I said that I
didn't want to talk about it. He has asked me this before and I get the
impression that he thinks I've been hurt badly or I want my ex back so
him talking about wanting his ex back might make!
me admit I want mine back ( but I dont want my ex back, but
have been hurt in the past!)
Just as I thought you'd moved into
friend territory, he starts trying to get more information about your
availability and past. This guy is confusing. He is maybe
trying to get information out of you about your past, so he can check out
whether you have any emotional bagage or bad bloke stories, that you feel
vengeful about or to find out how many blokes you've been with. But
then again he could be discussing all this in just polite conversation
and seeing you as a friend who he can let off steam with about his past
and he wants you to do the same.
Then he moved onto general stuff
like what his normal weekend consists of and asked me what I did at the
weekend.
Also when I was at uni I was hanging
around with a guy who is unpopular cos he is a big mouth. I think he may
think we are together because we were spending quite a bit of time
together. Something really random happened, my love-interests best friend
came up to me and said,"don't you think that ( lets call him lee !)
lee is an idiot?" I don't even normally talk to his best mate!
That is very strange, I'm sure he
put his friend up to saying that. He maybe didn't want to say it
himself because it would make him look jealous. Nevertheless if
this other guy (Lee) was a tough guy, he wouldn't want to be trying
it on with you, if you were going out with Lee.
My friends say that he likes me but
because I've rejected him so many times he is just treading carefully and
trying to get me jealous by mentioning other girls, " testing the
waters," if you like.
That's the feeling I get as
well. The only strange thing that dissuades me from that conclusion
is mentioning his ex all the time and how he wants to get back with
her. It doesn't exactly demonstrate a bloke that is wanting to get
with you and keep you in a long term relationship, when he says he will
get back with his ex for definite if he has the chance.
I also tested the waters by
mentioning to him that I liked this guy who was much older than me, he
said that's disgusting, he went red and changed the subject quickly!
You wouldn't normally go red if a
friend was saying that. Going red suggests jealously in this case.
Also my friends say that because I'm
a joker even if I have dropped a few hints that I like him he probably
wouldn't take them seriously as with me its likely to be just another of
my many jokes in the day!
Got to admit, that yes if you are
constantly telling jokes all the time, then it is hard to tell whether
you are being serious or sarcastic. Also a woman that is funny and
tells jokes all the time is likely to be a good laugh, which makes her
friend potential. But that's not to say that a guy wouldn't find a
funny woman attractive. Because guys look for the following in a
long term relationship potential:
- whether
they are good looking
- whether
they can get on well
- whether
she is entertaining (because he could be spending the rest of his
life with her, he doesn't want a bore)
- what
she wears
- is
she popular with other people
- how
many blokes she has been with in the past (he is unlikely to find
out the real amount from any woman, but he'll try and get an idea)
- and
more
Do you think he likes me, or just
wants to be friends ?
There are a lot of things that
suggest he fancies you:
- You
suggested he seemed nervous around you (would you be nervous around
someone you just wanted to be friends with, no)
- Turning
bright red when a woman suggests she fancies someone else (would you
do this if you just wanted to be friends with someone, no)
- why
did he suddenly raise an interest in you again when you were being
cold with him?
- why
look at you and smile at you, why wouldn't he look at your friends
and smile at them instead? (because you look at things you find
attractive)
- why
start to give you eye contact straight after he heard you talking
about men giving eye contact?
- why
give you eye contact AND a compliment?
- why
would you friends get the feeling that he fancies you?
- why
would one of his friends approach you to warn you this othe guy
called Lee?
- why
not try and be friends with some of your friends as well, why just
you?
The only few things that confuse
me, is why does he talk about his ex and his wish to get back with
her. This is just simply weird. Would this make a woman
jealous or would she think what a desperate case, can't get over his ex
and desperately wants to get back with her, and she must have dumped
him. It's the last thing I'd want to discuss with a woman I
fancied. Then you've got to wonder why he hasn't made a move on you
already (unless he really didn't think carefully about what you said when
you said "that's okay I can always
hire a hit-man to make her mysteriously dissappear". That is just blatantly obvious, though I have got
to admit, men very rarely analyse what women say and when they do they
usually come to the wrong conclusion, so maybe he is just being a thick
bloke.
Most of what you say tends to sway
towards the fact that he fancies you. But why he hasn't made a move
already, really confuses me and why he keeps going on about his ex, like
he can't get over her makes me a bit suspicious.
Nevertheless it seems that your
relationship is now progressing (from the silent glances to conversation)
and hopefully it will progress enough for you both to decide whether you
want a long term relationship from each other or whether the relationship
involves being friends.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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