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jenny21 on 01/08/2005
hi there, i have just come out of a six year relationship with my
first boyfriend, so as you can gather im hopeless with men. i met a man a
fortnight ago, and we flirted with each other. he told me to come into
the bar he works in and made me promise to come see him, i went two days
later and he gave me a free drink and touched my arm, so i thought
everything was going well. the next time i saw him he hardly looked at
me, didnt talk to me and made sure he stayed away from me at all times. i
just dont understand whats happened...can you shed any light on the
situation for me... thanks jenny
Sam's Response
Hi Jenny
First of all I am sure that you are not hopeless with men if you have
been going out with one for 6 years. You just need a bit of practice and a
bit of confidence, for women this tends to come naturally.
Well this seems like very odd behaviour from him. I personally would
never invite a lady I had just met to my workplace. It is not an ideal
place for either the man (who is meant to be working) or the lady (who
has come to get the undivided attention of a man). Was he drunk when he
asked you? Men are prone to make silly requests when they are drunk.
As for his avoidance the second time you saw him. Was he working, while
he was avoiding you? Was it busy at his workplace? If so, then this would
explain it, he was too busy to pay much attention to you.
However I think you want a few more possible explanations. So here are
the occasions when I would react in this way:
1) If I really fancied the woman, I would only avoid the woman if I was
tired. When I am tired, I am no fun at all to be with. For that reason I
tend to avoid a woman that I fancy, particularly if we have just met and
I don't want to give a bad impression.
2) You may have done something to creep him out or embarrass him when you
met at his workplace. You may neglect to see what could of creeped him
out because men are sensitive to different things to women and men rarely
say if something creeped them out. It could have been an overly possesive
behaviour or over possessive language. For example saying "where are
you going to take me on a date?" A fine question if you have been
going out for a few weeks but very creepy and presumptive if he has not
actually said he wanted to go out with you.
3) He could have been playing hard to get. Women tend to give men the
flick if they act overkeen. So what some men do, is go cold on a woman
and see what her reaction is. This tends to intrigue the woman, as it has
done in your case. But then the man usually responds again if you then
see them another time. Playing hard to get is quite a frustrating game
that both men and women play, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
4) Since you saw him at his workplace, he may have found another woman.
If he has, then he will lose interest in the majority of other women he
knows.
5) He does not fancy you anymore. Maybe you looked too desperate or
screamed out potential stalker to him.
6)He thought you gave off some negative vibes that you did not fancy him.
He therefore sees little point in pursuing you any further. If he is not
going to get any relationship then there is little point in talking to
you.
7) A lot of women say a man was avoiding them. When really it was her
body language and lack of proximity to him that meant he avoided her. Did
he try his best to avoid you? Or were you giving him little chance to let
him approach you? Did you make any effort to approach him?
I can not answer which of the above is the correct answer because I was
not there. But hopefully you can choose a clear answer from the above
based on your experience of the situation.
My recommendation is to see him again and make yourself approachable and
see what his reaction is. You can't possibly draw a conclusion from one
bad incident. However if he avoids you again then move on, there are
plenty more men out there.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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