I live 3 doors away from a guy I really fancy. (we're in our late 40's) We
both live alone and are divorced. For the past 2 years now we have met socially
once a week with other single friends, for a couple of drinks. We both arrive
and leave in our own transport. This is a sunday, mid afternoon until about
7ish. We get on tremendously well and I even text him during the week sometimes
to ask if he fancies a night out with me and my friends. He often comes along
and always says that he is always up for a night out. A few weeks ago a lovely
lady entered the place we meet in and struck up a conversation with us. He
seemed very interested in her, but perhaps this was because she was a friendly
person with different conversation.
If you noticed he was interested in her, then
I would not doubt your instincts. I would think that he is probably
interested in a bit more than her friendly nature. Men would not be
noticeably friendly with another woman unless there was something in it for
them.
She went on to ask if we were an 'item' and he looked a bit embarrassed. I
asked him if we were, and he said no we are just friends. I was a little
disappointed in his reaction as I always thought we were more than that, not
that we have been intimate together.
This is an awkward question for a man to answer.
It would not necessarily result in a truthful answer. If he had said yes, then
he might have scared you off if you did not feel the same way, moreover if he
was interested in this other lady, he would not want to admit and interest in
you. This was an awkward question at a awkward time for him to have to
answer.
He also seemed to show an interest in this other woman and I have warned
her on another occasion we happened to meet when he was not there, that we will
eventually be together, and for her not to get too close to him.
Not a good idea. Firstly if he finds out you
said this to her, he will not be happy and think that you are a
manipulator. Secondly this other woman is going to fancy him twice as
much, because she has got some competition. Thirdly this other woman is
going to want to move fast to steal him from you, before you get to him.
Do you think he is just the slow type or do you think he finds me just a
good female friend. My other friend thinks he is coping so well on his own and
does not need a relationship. Is this what happens to single men who cope well
on their own.
Men go through a lot of hassle to get into a
relationship and a lot of hassle when they are in a relationship. It is
very true that single men, can get used to being single. There are
benefits to being in a relationship with women and disadvantages and quite often
men see more disadvantages than benefits. If he is having a good time or
hassle free time being single, why change? A man wants to enjoy life,
if he is enjoying it being single, why put that enjoyment in jeopardy by making
it more complicated and adding a woman to the equation.
His last girlfriend was 2 years ago and after a few dates with her she
wanted to move in, which panicked him and he finished it with her.
You said he was divorced, and this is probably a
sign that he has had bad relationship experiences in the past. Which in
itself is a good reason not to get involved with a woman.
Pushy women, that want to get married or move in
when they have just met, give men the creeps. I once had a woman ask me "Do you
love me?" on a second date. I said "I don't know, I need to get to know
you a bit more". She stormed off as if I done something wrong telling her the
truth. She later said that she would give me another chance if I apologise
(so I needed to apologise for telling the truth). I said I was not
interested in her because she had given me the creeps. She still writes to
me 11 years later asking me to see her (last letter was between xmas and new
year and I never send a reply). Luckily she doesn't have my phone number
anymore and lives a long distance away (another country!)
Do you think we have any hope? What are the signals that he fancies me and
not just likes me. Do you think we have any hope of romance here?
Unfortunately, you have not give me any positives to
signify that he is interested in you. So my conclusion would have to be,
continue as friends and if he then starts to show an interest in you, that's a
bonus. Sometimes men can start off not particularly fancying a woman but
after getting to know them for a while they suddenly start to change their
perception of the woman, friendship can then become attraction. Otherwise
get over him, because it does not sound like he is that keen on a relationship
at the moment, he sees you as a good female friend.
