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jillian42 on 21/01/2006
I live 3 doors away from a guy I really
fancy. (we're in our late 40's) We both live alone and are divorced. For
the past 2 years now we have met socially once a week with other single
friends, for a couple of drinks. We both arrive and leave in our own transport.
This is a sunday, mid afternoon until about 7ish. We get on tremendously
well and I even text him during the week sometimes to ask if he fancies a
night out with me and my friends. He often comes along and always says
that he is always up for a night out. A few weeks ago a lovely lady
entered the place we meet in and struck up a conversation with us. He
seemed very interested in her, but perhaps this was because she was a
friendly person with different conversation.
If you noticed he was interested in
her, then I would not doubt your instincts. I would think
that he is probably interested in a bit more than her friendly
nature. Men would not be noticeably friendly with another woman
unless there was something in it for them.
She went on to ask if we were an 'item'
and he looked a bit embarrassed. I asked him if we were, and he said no
we are just friends. I was a little disappointed in his reaction as I
always thought we were more than that, not that we have been intimate
together.
This is an awkward question for a man to
answer. It would not necessarily result in a truthful answer. If he
had said yes, then he might have scared you off if you did not feel the
same way, moreover if he was interested in this other lady, he would not
want to admit and interest in you. This was an awkward question at
a awkward time for him to have to answer.
He also seemed to show an interest in
this other woman and I have warned her on another occasion we happened to
meet when he was not there, that we will eventually be together, and for
her not to get too close to him.
Not a good idea. Firstly if he finds
out you said this to her, he will not be happy and think that you
are a manipulator. Secondly this other woman is going to fancy him
twice as much, because she has got some competition. Thirdly this
other woman is going to want to move fast to steal him from you, before
you get to him.
Do you think he is just the slow type or
do you think he finds me just a good female friend. My other friend
thinks he is coping so well on his own and does not need a relationship.
Is this what happens to single men who cope well on their own.
Men go through a lot of hassle to get into
a relationship and a lot of hassle when they are in a relationship.
It is very true that single men, can get used to being single.
There are benefits to being in a relationship with women and
disadvantages and quite often men see more disadvantages than
benefits. If he is having a good time or hassle free time being
single, why change? A man wants to enjoy life, if he is
enjoying it being single, why put that enjoyment in jeopardy by making it
more complicated and adding a woman to the equation.
His last girlfriend was 2 years ago and
after a few dates with her she wanted to move in, which panicked him and
he finished it with her.
You said he was divorced, and this is
probably a sign that he has had bad relationship experiences in the
past. Which in itself is a good reason not to get involved with a
woman.
Pushy women, that want to get married or
move in when they have just met, give men the creeps. I once had a woman
ask me "Do you love me?" on a second date. I said "I
don't know, I need to get to know you a bit more". She stormed off
as if I done something wrong telling her the truth. She later said
that she would give me another chance if I apologise (so I needed to
apologise for telling the truth). I said I was not interested in
her because she had given me the creeps. She still writes to me 11
years later asking me to see her (last letter was between xmas and new
year and I never send a reply). Luckily she doesn't have my phone
number anymore and lives a long distance away (another country!)
Do you think we have any hope? What are
the signals that he fancies me and not just likes me. Do you think we
have any hope of romance here?
Unfortunately, you have not give me any
positives to signify that he is interested in you. So my conclusion
would have to be, continue as friends and if he then starts to show an
interest in you, that's a bonus. Sometimes men can start off not
particularly fancying a woman but after getting to know them for a while
they suddenly start to change their perception of the woman, friendship
can then become attraction. Otherwise get over him, because it does
not sound like he is that keen on a relationship at the moment, he sees
you as a good female friend.
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