May on 28.09.2005
I know this man for about 9 months, but only go out with him
for the last 4 months. From the beginning, he and I agreed to be friend because
he said he is not interested in me in the romantic way. Our pattern of going out
usually includes going to some public place (the beach, park,
restaurant...) and then go back to his place to watch TV together. And there was
no physical contact whatsoever between us. There was one time, we were having an
arm wrestling match at his place. After the game over, he seemed reluctant to
let go of my hands. Things went back to the normal pattern (no physical contact)
after that night. 2 weeks ago, he misunderstood something I said and I was
trying to explain myself to him. Suddenly I felt like crying and told him that.
He took me into his arms and tried to comfort me by stroking my hair, message my
neck, my head (We were standing at the kitchen at
that time). About 10 minutes later, he asked if I wanted to move to the sofa.
And when we got over there, he lifted me up and put me onto his lap. This really
surprised me because I know he is a very conservative man. In the past, he told
me he does not like to have any kind of intimacy with his female friends. The
next time we were at his place, he couldn't control himself and did his intimate
act again (nothing important, just holding me and massaging my neck).
Later on that night, he suggested that we shouldn't see each other again in a
private environment because it provides too much temptation. I said ok. The very
next night we ended up at his place and one more time he reached for me (I never
initiated any physical contact between us. I just went along everytime). This
time, he got
really upset and said I had been disordered his life and he does not want to see
me again. He said he will try not to call me and when I asked him why use the
word "try". He got all upset and refused to answer. I told him, if he does not
want to see me again, I will respect his decision. The next night, he emailed me
appolozing and said we don't need to go to the extreme, we still can hang around
together but have to be careful so that we don't do something that we will
regret later. This man confuses me! I have no idea what he wants. Because when
he said he is not interested in me romantically, I accepted it and never
expected anything besides friendship from him. And during
our time together, he kept reminding me I am not the one for him but now for
some reason he cannot keep his hands off me and everytime he went out of line,
he got all upset. What is going on?
Hi May
There are some occasions when a man starts off not fancying a woman. Even if
he did not find that woman attractive when he first met her, after spending a
lot of time with her, you can start to find her attractive.
What women and indeed men don't realise is that personality can play in an
important part in attraction. Only after knowing someone for a while will they
be able to assess whether they do or don't like someones personality.
After a while the physical attraction can be clouded by the fact that you find
their personality attractive, and the person as a package becomes attractive.
(As can be seen in long term relationships and marriages, where as years go by
the man and woman get less physically attractive but generally more attracted
to each other personality wise).
You would kind of hope that the above was what was happening in your case. But
there maybe other reasons.
Sometimes men become confused, they become confused between female friends and
female girlfriends. This is generally only the case when they have known a
lady for a long time. Men find it difficult to seperate female friends from
female girlfriends. Quite often men avoid making female friends because of
this complication. The typical stance they take with females is they either
have a relationship with them or they do not want to know them.
Quite a few men have a big appetite for sex, but not a particularly big
appetite for relationships. Mens hormones are constantly up and down. Women go
through a very hormonal stage once a month, men tend to go through a very
hormonal stage once a week. If you are there when he is going through one of
his very hormonal stages, you will become too tempting for him. Hence you are
pointing out that he can't wait to get his hands on you. Then once he has
thought about what he has done, he becomes confused and upset because he
doesn't really find you attractive.
He should not be taking it out on you though. By the sounds of it, it is him
making the moves. So I don't know why he is taking his frustrations out on
you. He will probably be feeling guilty himself, as well as frustrated by you
tempting him (even though you may not actively be tempting him).
If he has only known you for a bit, most men will usually have no problem with
using you for sex. If he has known you for a while and you are a friend, using
you for sex would weigh heavily on his mind.
This guy is clearly not interested in you, as you say he has clearly told
you this. And by the fact that he keeps going hot and cold all the time,
pretty much confirms that he does not have a firm interest in you as a
girlfriend.
Click here
to Ask Sam some questions
|
 |
|
|
-
He's a bit short and has too many financial
commitments Natasha1977
-
Pizza shop was closed but he let me in
and gave me a free lunch mystery woman
- I didn't fancy my ex-boyfriends friend at first,
but now my feelings for him are so intense krissy
-
In a game of truth or dare, I said I fancied
him foxy lady
- He's got a girlfriend missy
- Sex or friendship norahs
- He keeps staring at me red
-
Short skirt or jeans, boots or high heels, black
or skin colour tights puzzled
-
Only realised how much I fancied him when we
broke up shoegallover
-
How long can people continue to have casual
sex? Ali_England
- Turned him down twice, now he is going out with
another woman willow
-
Little appetite for sex and he keeps watching
porn flowerxxx
-
Known each other for ages, are we just good
friends? unigirl19
- Sends me texts saying he loves me and wants to
spend the rest of his life with me leonie
-
He phoned me up and came round three nights in
december puzzled
-
Fancy my gym instructor chocolate cake
- Should I just try to talk to him and act confident smash
-
He doesn't pay me attention anymore loopy lou
-
He brought the topic of sex into the
conversation mags54321
-
Think he had something else to say but
chickened out sweetwoman1983
- I want him to move in with me catrick
- I am doing all the chasing
cupid
-
If a guy is interested, he will always ask you
out, right? puzzled
-
Nice body and nice personality, but can't
attract men boohoo98
-
Me and my ex are back together delicious
-
He can't commit madaline
-
Doesn't show interest in my personal life Becki-Boo
- Do men like being asked out by a woman? PJ
-
He's got status, so it would be embarrassing
asking him out girlywoo
|
|
There are some occasions when a man starts off not fancying a woman. Even if he did not find that woman attractive when he first met her, after spending a lot of time with her, you can start to find her attractive.
What women and indeed men don't realise is that personality can play in an important part in attraction. Only after knowing someone for a while will they be able to assess whether they do or don't like someones personality.
After a while the physical attraction can be clouded by the fact that you find their personality attractive, and the person as a package becomes attractive. (As can be seen in long term relationships and marriages, where as years go by the man and woman get less physically attractive but generally more attracted to each other personality wise).
You would kind of hope that the above was what was happening in your case. But there maybe other reasons.
Sometimes men become confused, they become confused between female friends and female girlfriends. This is generally only the case when they have known a lady for a long time. Men find it difficult to seperate female friends from female girlfriends. Quite often men avoid making female friends because of this complication. The typical stance they take with females is they either have a relationship with them or they do not want to know them.
Quite a few men have a big appetite for sex, but not a particularly big appetite for relationships. Mens hormones are constantly up and down. Women go through a very hormonal stage once a month, men tend to go through a very hormonal stage once a week. If you are there when he is going through one of his very hormonal stages, you will become too tempting for him. Hence you are pointing out that he can't wait to get his hands on you. Then once he has thought about what he has done, he becomes confused and upset because he doesn't really find you attractive.
He should not be taking it out on you though. By the sounds of it, it is him making the moves. So I don't know why he is taking his frustrations out on you. He will probably be feeling guilty himself, as well as frustrated by you tempting him (even though you may not actively be tempting him).
If he has only known you for a bit, most men will usually have no problem with using you for sex. If he has known you for a while and you are a friend, using you for sex would weigh heavily on his mind.
This guy is clearly not interested in you, as you say he has clearly told you this. And by the fact that he keeps going hot and cold all the time, pretty much confirms that he does not have a firm interest in you as a girlfriend.
Click here to Ask Sam some questions