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Meg33 on 09.08.2005
I am very confused about a situation with a guy I know. I do an exercise class that he runs at the gym and it has been all smiles and very quick conversation at the end of class etc for months. Then he offered to treat me for a back problem as he is a physiotherapist and regularly treats people from the gym at his house. During the few times I went he told me how great he was in bed, that he didnt have a girlfriend, tickled me, made me put my hand on his hip to feel the joint and was kind of flirty but with me being so nervous around him as I had always fancied him I didnt respond. Since treatment he has continued to be nice and responded to a couple of texts I have sent to him but briefly.
Since last week though he has been a lot cooler all of a sudden and just as I am getting the confidence up to be more flirty back etc he seems to have been a bit cool with me. Dont know if I have been reading everything wrongly as I am very bad at interpreting signals.
 

Sam's Response

First of all, there is no need to be nervous around men. You may think a man is in control and men might think they are in control too. In reality it is the woman who is in control. Women are more fussier in their choice of men and ultimately that makes them more in control as well as the ability to dictate at which point you want sex.

Is he really a physiotherapist or has he used that as an excuse to get his hands on you? Have you seen his qualifications (his physiotherapist certificates I mean)?

This guy obvious fancies you in some way. You don't invite a lady back to your house for free physiotherapy for nothing.

Be very cautious here though. Does he want a relationship with you or does he want raw sex? Does he invite other women back for the same treatment? If he has a queue of women coming back to his place, then he is more than likely to use you for sex, as well as all the other women.

If you are not bothered about being used for sex then go for it. Typically all men use women for sex, men want sex that's a fact. The difference is that some men use women purely for sex, others use women for sex but actually want a relationship as well (they are the ones to go for).

The fact that he tickled you, put your hand on his hip and told you he doesn't have a girlfriend is just conclusive he fancies you in some way. The fact that he tells you how good he is in bed, is conclusive that he wants to have sex with you as soon as possible. That is why I said be cautious, unless of course you fancy a few months of wild sex too, without any relationship at the end of it.

So he has turned cold, there could be more than one reason for this:
1) He thought your nervousness meant you did not fancy him. Unlikely, if he boasts about how good he is at sex, his ego probably won't stretch to believing that you don't fancy him.
2) He was not getting any sex out of you, so time to move on.
3) He is going cold because that is what works on women. Women suddenly start wondering whether he really fancies them, and that ultimately makes the woman finally show the willing. He goes cold, a woman thinks she is losing her chance with him, he is ultimately giving her an ultimatum, "make your interest known or I'll move onto the next woman".

I think the 3rd option is the most likely in this case. This guy will have loads of women coming back to his place and will be very experienced at playing women. He can afford to go cold on at least one, because the others are queuing up. By going cold on a woman he is more than likely to trap his prey, which is you in this case. Apparently it works most of the time, if the woman is really interested in the man.

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