Sam's Response

You say "He is very friendly to me i.e. asks me if I want a drink when I'm near his desk but then he is a very friendly guy in general".
It is very difficult to say whether he fancies you based on that, you usually need quite a few more signals to get conclusive evidence.

I am a very friendly guy and I offer to get drinks for loads of women in my office, most of them are 40+, so needless to say I don't fancy them that much. Though in your case, I would say it is a positive signal, even though on it's own it is not conclusive whether he fancies you. Offering you a drink is basically an invitation to get to know you a bit more whether as a friend or something more. He obviously wants to engage you in conversation and keep you at his desk for some reason, and his way of doing that is to offer you a drink.

You say "He doesn't speak to me as much as he does others". This means nothing! It neither approves or disapproves that he fancies you. In my case I am often scared and nervous of going over and talking to someone I fancy. You can almost build up a phobia of talking to the woman you fancy because you don't want to blow it. First of all you might give the woman the creeps or look like a stalker, secondly what does a man say without blowing his chance, thirdly he does not want to look desperate (because women hate desperate men!).

It could be that he is using the other women to attract your attention, it could be that he is using you to attract another womans attention, it could be that he is just a genuinely friendly guy and likes talking to women. Plus as you are quite shy, you probably give him less chances to talk to you.

You say "when he is talking to others around me I notice that he sneaks glances at me". Now that is more like the sort of thing you are looking for. If he is talking to someone whilst looking at you. He is either finding them boring and really wants to talk to you, he is actually talking about you at the time, or he wants to show off to you or see if you are jealous at the fact that he is talking to someone else, or else he could be looking at the woman sat behind you (if there is one sat behind you).

You say: "when he does talk to me he is very enthusiastic and jokes a lot" When men talk to women we fancy or a friend we enjoy having a conversation with, our voices naturally become more enthusiastic. Add jokes to it, and he is obviously trying to impress you with his sense of humour. It is almost starting to become conclusive that he fancies you with all these signals you have identified.

You say "However both he and I seem unable to have extended conversations with each other" This is often the case when people fancy each other. Both people are nervous and the conversation seems like a forced battery of one liners. Initially this can probably help you, because you will become more of a challenge to him. If he knows your nervous, he will want to break down that nervousness. If he doesn't know your nervous then he will be thinking, why do you keep running off. Though after a while this may become too much of a barrier and he may give up.

What would help though is if you relaxed, it maybe that you are passing your shyness on to him and making him nervous. It really is not necessary being nervous, you should relax and enjoy the conversation. It is actually easy for me to say that, but in the circumstances the adrenaline is probably pumping through your body and you will have butterflies in your stomach. This is a natural reaction for your body and is actually said to make you look more attractive (so I've read in pyschology books). Even if he looks super confident, you can bet he is feeling nervous too.

It is way too early for you to make a move on him yet and way to early for both you and him to decide whether you really fancy each other. You should keep progressing slowly and when you are getting a decent conversation out of each other, you will both begin to realise whether you fancy each other or not. You've got to give it time and give both of you chance to relax around each other. Don't try to progress the possible relationship too fast.

Michie Reply on 02.09.2005

I decided to take your advice and let things happen at there own pace but now everything seems to have come to a halt. The guy whom I fancy still jokes when he's around me and blatantly attempts to make me laugh but we can't get pass the smiley jokey phase and it's soo frustrating. It just seems impossible to strike up a proper conversation and I'm starting to think that this might mean that we have no chemistry (otherwise we'd be able to talk to each other for longer than ten seconds). I'm leaving my workplace in two weeks and I'm in two minds. One part of me feels that I should just forget about this guy but the other half would hate to leave things as they are if he does fancy me because I really really like him. We seem to be a bit wary around each other but I am not sure whether this is because he knows that I fancy him and is scared off or if he fancies me and thinks that I know but am uninterested and so he’s a little embarrassed. It's all so confusing. Is there anyway that I can know how he feels without scaring him off or embarrassing myself or should I just move on?

Sam's Reply

Hi Michie
Really it is not unusual for someone to be unable to strike up a conversation with someone they fancy. An absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman started at my workplace 2 weeks ago. The most I have managed to say to her is "Oops who put that box there". I just don't know what to say!

Don't be frustrated, because frustration is likely to make you do something you regret. It is only natural for you to be nervous and therefore lack conversation initially with someone you fancy.

You say "I'm leaving my workplace in two weeks and I'm in two minds". This is an ideal chance to make a move. You are leaving so it does not matter too much if you make a fool of yourself. You probably won't get to see him or many of these other people again if it goes wrong.

The fact is you might regret in future years not making a move. If he says no, then just take it as a bit of experience and there are plenty of other guys. If you are leaving for a new job, you might find a different guy in your new workplace.

If you leave without making it clear to him, you know where he works and you know his number. So you can still contact him. Are you having a leaving party, and is he invited? Classic chance to get to know him a bit more.

There is a possibility, if he is really interested in you, he will make a move at the last moment. He won't want you leaving without having the chance to find out whether he fancies you. But don't leave it until that possibility, try and devise a cunning plan to make it fairly clear to him you are interested without embarrassing yourself.

I can't really advise how to go about this, because I am not sure of how your workplace is laid out and what the routines are at your workplace. But the way I see it, you are leaving, so the embarrassment is going to be minimal. You can either find out whether he fancies you or you can spend the next few years wondering whether you should have found out.

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