|
michie on 29/09/2005
I think a guy at my work place fancies me and I fancy him to
bits. He is very friendly to me i.e. asks me if I want a drink when I'm
near his desk but then he is a very friendly guy in general. He doesn't
speak to me as much as he does others but when he is talking to others
around me I notice that he sneaks glances at me from time to time and
when he does talk to me he is very enthusiastic and jokes a lot. However
both he and I seem unable to have extended conversations with each other,
I know that I tend to almost run away because I am shy. I am not sure if
we are mutually attracted to each other or if he is just a friendly guy
and I'm mistaking his nice personality for something else.
Sam's Response
You say "He is very
friendly to me i.e. asks me if I want a drink when I'm near his desk but
then he is a very friendly guy in general".
It is very difficult to say whether he fancies you based on that, you
usually need quite a few more signals to get conclusive evidence.
I am a very friendly guy and I offer to get drinks for loads of women in
my office, most of them are 40+, so needless to say I don't fancy them
that much. Though in your case, I would say it is a positive signal, even
though on it's own it is not conclusive whether he fancies you. Offering
you a drink is basically an invitation to get to know you a bit more
whether as a friend or something more. He obviously wants to engage you
in conversation and keep you at his desk for some reason, and his way of
doing that is to offer you a drink.
You say "He doesn't speak to me as much as he does others".
This means nothing! It neither approves or disapproves that he fancies
you. In my case I am often scared and nervous of going over and talking
to someone I fancy. You can almost build up a phobia of talking to the
woman you fancy because you don't want to blow it. First of all you might
give the woman the creeps or look like a stalker, secondly what does a
man say without blowing his chance, thirdly he does not want to look
desperate (because women hate desperate men!).
It could be that he is using the other women to attract your attention,
it could be that he is using you to attract another womans attention, it
could be that he is just a genuinely friendly guy and likes talking to
women. Plus as you are quite shy, you probably give him less chances to
talk to you.
You say "when he is talking to others around me I notice that he
sneaks glances at me". Now that is more like the sort of thing you
are looking for. If he is talking to someone whilst looking at you. He is
either finding them boring and really wants to talk to you, he is
actually talking about you at the time, or he wants to show off to you or
see if you are jealous at the fact that he is talking to someone else, or
else he could be looking at the woman sat behind you (if there is one sat
behind you).
You say: "when he does talk to me he is very enthusiastic and jokes
a lot" When men talk to women we fancy or a friend we enjoy having a
conversation with, our voices naturally become more enthusiastic. Add
jokes to it, and he is obviously trying to impress you with his sense of
humour. It is almost starting to become conclusive that he fancies you
with all these signals you have identified.
You say "However both he and I seem unable to have extended
conversations with each other" This is often the case when people
fancy each other. Both people are nervous and the conversation seems like
a forced battery of one liners. Initially this can probably help you,
because you will become more of a challenge to him. If he knows your
nervous, he will want to break down that nervousness. If he doesn't know
your nervous then he will be thinking, why do you keep running off.
Though after a while this may become too much of a barrier and he may
give up.
What would help though is if you relaxed, it maybe that you are passing
your shyness on to him and making him nervous. It really is not necessary
being nervous, you should relax and enjoy the conversation. It is
actually easy for me to say that, but in the circumstances the adrenaline
is probably pumping through your body and you will have butterflies in
your stomach. This is a natural reaction for your body and is actually
said to make you look more attractive (so I've read in pyschology books).
Even if he looks super confident, you can bet he is feeling nervous too.
It is way too early for you to make a move on him yet and way to early
for both you and him to decide whether you really fancy each other. You
should keep progressing slowly and when you are getting a decent
conversation out of each other, you will both begin to realise whether
you fancy each other or not. You've got to give it time and give both of
you chance to relax around each other. Don't try to progress the possible
relationship too fast.
Michie Reply on
02.09.2005
I decided to take your
advice and let things happen at there own pace but now everything seems
to have come to a halt. The guy whom I fancy still jokes when he's around
me and blatantly attempts to make me laugh but we can't get pass the
smiley jokey phase and it's soo frustrating. It just seems impossible to
strike up a proper conversation and I'm starting to think that this might
mean that we have no chemistry (otherwise we'd be able to talk to each
other for longer than ten seconds). I'm leaving my workplace in two weeks
and I'm in two minds. One part of me feels that I should just forget
about this guy but the other half would hate to leave things as they are
if he does fancy me because I really really like him. We seem to be a bit
wary around each other but I am not sure whether this is because he knows
that I fancy him and is scared off or if he fancies me and thinks that I
know but am uninterested and so he’s a little embarrassed. It's all so
confusing. Is there anyway that I can know how he feels without scaring
him off or embarrassing myself or should I just move on?
Sam's Reply
Hi Michie
Really it is not unusual for someone to be unable to strike up a
conversation with someone they fancy. An absolutely drop dead gorgeous
woman started at my workplace 2 weeks ago. The most I have managed to say
to her is "Oops who put that box there". I just don't know what
to say!
Don't be frustrated, because frustration is likely to make you do
something you regret. It is only natural for you to be nervous and therefore
lack conversation initially with someone you fancy.
You say "I'm leaving my workplace in two weeks and I'm in two
minds". This is an ideal chance to make a move. You are leaving so
it does not matter too much if you make a fool of yourself. You probably
won't get to see him or many of these other people again if it goes
wrong.
The fact is you might regret in future years not making a move. If he
says no, then just take it as a bit of experience and there are plenty of
other guys. If you are leaving for a new job, you might find a different
guy in your new workplace.
If you leave without making it clear to him, you know where he works and
you know his number. So you can still contact him. Are you having a
leaving party, and is he invited? Classic chance to get to know him a bit
more.
There is a possibility, if he is really interested in you, he will make a
move at the last moment. He won't want you leaving without having the
chance to find out whether he fancies you. But don't leave it until that
possibility, try and devise a cunning plan to make it fairly clear to him
you are interested without embarrassing yourself.
I can't really advise how to go about this, because I am not sure of how
your workplace is laid out and what the routines are at your workplace.
But the way I see it, you are leaving, so the embarrassment is going to
be minimal. You can either find out whether he fancies you or you can
spend the next few years wondering whether you should have found out.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
|
|
|
|
|
|
I met this guy on
the dancefloor last week By barbarashaw
|
|
|
He missed the office
party and sent me an excuse By dustys
|
|
|
He knew
I fancied him and persuaded me to exchange some naked pictures By confused
and frustrated
|
|
|
Seeing a guy I fancy at
the office party, what should I do? By Kazster
|
|
|
He said he would meet
up and then changed his mind By sparkles
|
|
|
I've been divorced for 15
years, How can I find a man? By sindy
|
|
|
There's a really
popular guy, but I'm shy By isabelle27
|
|
|
Having a conversation about
women who only like men that have money and nice cars By Alex
|
|
|
He said he is very
slow warming to people, should I flirt with him By sally
anne
|
|
|
Whenever we talk
online he is always cheerful, but we avoid each other By noooooooddy
|
|
|
I'm in an unhappy
marriage and fancy this guy at work By Messed up
gal
|
|
|
Told me he was depressed
and couldn't have a relationship By LadyBex
|
|
|
Boyfriend for a year but he
is still close to his ex partner By Roxy
|
|
|
He's friendly, we spend
lots of time together, but does he fancy me? By marion74
|
|
|
Amazing conversations online
and by phone, but when we meet up he is shy By ER3
|
|
|
We're business
associates but I want to know if he is interested By bubble14
|
|
|
Partner works away in
Russia and wants to bring a Russian woman back with him By peggysue
|
|
|
A guy keeps looking at me
but I'm too shy By shanne
|
|
|
Had a baby, now
he is going to the gym and meeting women and I don't feel attractive
anymore By come to bed eyes
|
|
|
He's looking at dating
agencies, escorts and swingers clubs By wirewaist
|
|
|
He keeps winking at
me, what does that mean? By running gal
|
|
|
Is he gay? By puzzled
|
|
|
How do I show interest
in him without asking him out? By storegirl
|
|
|
Every time I looked
at him, he was looking at me By confused2006
|
|
|
Keeps asking me out as a
friend but does he fancy me By puzzled
|
|
|
He's giving me mixed
messages By Angel1983
|
|
|
He said I'm not his
type, but I'm a good looking girl By candygirl
|
|
|
Pizza shop was
closed, but he let me in and gave me a free lunch By mystery
woman
|
|
|
I didn't fancy my
ex-boyfriends friend at first, but now my feelings for him are so
intense By krissy
|
|
|
Only realised how
much I fancied him when we broke up By shoegallover
|
|
|
He keeps staring at me By red
|
|
|
He's got a girlfriend By missy
|
|
|
Known each other ages,
are we just good friends? By unigirl19
|
|
|
Sends me texts saying he
loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me By leonie
|
|
|
He phoned me up and came
round three nights in december By puzzled
|
|
|
Should I just try to talk
to him and act confident By smash
|
|
|
Do men like being asked out by
women? By PJ
|
|
|
I want him to move in
with me By catrick
|
|
|
Guys who go clubbing are
not relationship material? By puzzled
|
|
|
Nice body, nice
personality but can't attract men By boohoo98
|
|
|
Doesnt show any
interest in my personal life By Becki-Boo
|
|
|
Is this normal behaviour
for a confident guy By emma23
|
|
|
Still in love with his
ex By charlottew
|
|
|
Had a crush on a guy at work
for over a year By toad
|
|
|
Performed oral sex on
him, now he is all nervous By sugar1983
|
|
|
I'm studying abroad but he
doesn't call me By c
|
|
|
real alpha male,
married and having an affair By londonerF
|
|
|
Quick glances and smiles By sexy
|
|
|
Is it just office
flirting or something more By Joanne34
|
|
|
First time I've ever
slept with a guy on the first date By dawnimo
|
|
|
Going through a rocky
patch and I ended up cheating on him By delicious
|
|
|
He is a very shy person
but so amazingly manly By girly 84
|
|
|
Could this be mirroring? By susie
|
|
|
Is this what happens to
single men who cope well on their own By jillian42
|
|
|
How would a woman show
she is interested in a guy without coming on too strong. By RedHead
|
|
|
He looks at me a lot By star
|
|
|
Stayed until late afternoon
watching DVDs. By Lara
|
|
|
Met a divorced man with 2
children. By elocks
|
|
|
Discovered recently that he is
married. By Pam
|
|
|
Speaking on MSN, does he
fancy me? By confused
|
|
|
I think a guy at work
fancies me. By michie
|
|
|
Good friends who happen to
have sex. By fedup
|
|
|
Dating my
boyfriend for 4 years, but crazily attracted to a guy at the gym. By Fit
'N' Frustrated
|
|
|
We've known each other for
years, but I've been in two relationships since then. By erosok
|
|
|
He was biting my bum. By lovelylisa
|
|
|
I always have to text
him first. By Star12345
|
|
|
He is giving me mixed
messages. By Sharon
|
|
|
|
|
|
