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peggysue on 09/08/2006
I was going out with a French guy for 2
years. At first it was just visiting him for holidays then I moved away
from England to live with him. It was fantastic, we had so much in
common. We would laugh at everything. The thing is he works
away a lot, in lots of different countries, so I settled down in France
and he went off to Russia for 3 months.
I know loads of people who have had
relationships with people who live away. I only know one
relationship that has lasted that way. And in that particular relationship
she goes away with him to most (not all) the countries he travels
to. To me I would hate to be in this sort of relationship. A
relationship needs two people to be their for each other for the good
times and bad times in life.
If one partner is living away for most of
the year, to me it is no longer a relationship. That person can
change when they are away, the person left at home can change. When
the traveller returns, neither can adjust to being back together again
for long periods of time. When they are away, they meet knew people
and have a different sort of life and see different cultures, and
ultimately they are going to change as a result.
People can not do without the
companionship and sex for long periods. So neither the person at
home or the person travelling can cope very well without their
partner. As a result one or the other or both tend to find another
partner to fill in that void.
He phoned everyday and texted that he
loves me everyday.
I spent a lot of time away in France in my
teens. What I found is that English men very rarely say "I
love you" (they are almost scared of saying it) and certainly don't
tend to say it if they don't mean it or can avoid saying it. French
men say "I love you" far too often (and are not scared of
saying it), and therefore you can't tell whether they are genuine or not,
because they are so used to saying it.
Then he came back and was very
strange. Sex was OK, but not the same. And he would just
stare, not talk.
This is the problem I mentioned
above. When someone is away for a long period of time. It
gets to the point where neither people know each other that well, or know
what to say to each other. They get used to their other life, where
they are separate from each other.
Then I found a love letter from a russian
girl and it killed me I fell to pieces. I tried to keep strong. He told
me that she was pretty, not as pretty as me, but she has touched his
heart and he wants to bring this girl to France.
Alarm bells start ringing, of a Russian
woman, using a guy to get a better life in France. But, hey that is
up to his judgement.
So I got strong and said do what you want
but I think you would be stupid to bring her here. Anyway he said to me
if you found another guy he would be very jealous and that he doesn't
want me, but he can't let go of me either.
Sounds like he is not quite sure what he
wants to do. Not sure whether this Russian woman, will work out, so
wants to keep you in his pocket, in case it doesn't work out. He
probably even wants to have the both of you on the go at the same
time. Which in effect he already has, he's got her in Russia and
you in France. While it's every man's dream to have more than one
woman, it is not right and not fair to you.
I love him so much. What can I do?
The way I see it, he doesn't value your
relationship enough, to question whether to bring this Russian woman over
with him. He is not treating you right. He doesn't love you
enough. You are not having the fun times you were having
before. He even offers you a get out clause of finding another
man. He's not a long term relationship prospect anyway because he
spends most of his time working away. You want a guy who you can
spend the rest of your life with, through good times and bad times.
There are only two words I can think think of here "Ditch
him". It is easy for me to say that, but that really is your
best option.
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