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puzzled on 19/02/2006
I'm enjoying your site and could well do
with some advice from you. I met a guy 2 months ago on the internet. We
exchanged a few emails, but no photos. I suggested meeting for a quick
drink as I wasn't interested in corresponding with a guy whom I'm not attracted
to. We met and I was instantly attracted to him. I felt that he wasn't
attracted to me, so I shut out completely, didn't bother making
conversations with him. Obviously it didn't go well. He gave me a lift
home in his flash car. I wanted to invite him in but thought he'd say no
because he was so obviously not interested.
Not surprised he wasn't interested, if you
weren't making conversation with him. He probably thought you
weren't interested.
When i got home, I emailed him and said
it was a shame we didn't click, but would still have loved to shag you
senseless.
Why do you want to shag someone you don't
get on with.
A few emails back and forth. He and I
suggested meeting up, but to cut a long story short, it never happened.
then he finally came round two weeks ago. I was so nervous as to what
there'd be to talk about. but it turned out to be such a fantastic
evening. we had go! od conversations, he suggested spending the night
with me and we had sex 4 times!!
You mean, he made conversation with you,
because you promised him a shag.
he was a very nice guy: gentle, caring
and loving. he emailed me a casual note to say hi 3 days after that
night.
3 days after, so he wanted some more sex.
Sorry but, if he fancied you, shouldn't he have emailed you straight
after.
i wrote back the next day. nothing from
him until a week later when he suggested coming over for an hour or so!!
(my friend said he was being polite because he knew I'm always very
busy).
Yes, he wanted more sex.
i said "an hour would only be a
tease, besides what could we do in an hour? but if you must go soon, come
round early so i can make other plans for the evening". he then said
he had a party to go to that evening but could come round at 4pm and ended
the email by saying "hopefully see you then". i was like, oh
right, you want the best of both worlds and weren't willing to give up
your party, where he's going to pick up women.
Just confirms what I said earlier, you
told him you wanted a shag, he will give you a shag, nothing else.
and i couldn't make it until 7pm anyway.
so i said to him, would love to see you but can't make it that afternoon.
he then suggested coming round at 7.30pm or do i want to le! ave it till
next time. i could have made it at 7.30pm but i li! ke him s o much that
i wanted more time with him and i didn't want to be too available and
accommodating (at least not at this stage), and i thought maybe i should
play hard to get to keep him keen.
Playing hard to get doesn't work, it's
just boring and predictable and annoying to most blokes. Most women
do it, so men just don't see the point.
so i said no, but indicated my interest
by saying let's wait till next time, which hopefully will be soon.
otherwise, let's try flirting by phone or email. that was my carrot and
stick policy. saying no but at the same time indicated my interest. It's
been about 2 days now and no news from him. so here's the thing: he's
never called me, only used email -- not a good sign, right?
Yes, it is a good sign, you don't want to
be with this guy!
he's a very attractive guy, tall, fit and
healthy (works out 3 or 4 times a week and eats healthily, no junk food),
fantastic body, rich, well educated, has a good job, a nice car, several
properties, in his early 30s, into clubbing (met most of his previous
girlfriends at clubs/bars --- DEFINITELY a bad sign).
So, he doesn't give a toss about women,
most women fall for him anyway, he can have his sex and then move onto
the next one.
i trust he has plenty of women and that
makes me insecure. i'm an attractive woman, with the brains and ! the
looks and a healthy appetite for sex, but i still feel insecure, esp
around a guy like him. it would be nice to date him but i wouldn't mind a
regular sexual relationship with him either, but i'm not sure how he
feels.
He feels, he can shag you and any women,
he fancies. Start choosing the right type of guy and you won't feel
so insecure, and less of this telling men you fancy a shag before you've
even got to know them. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the fact.
He emailed me on a Mon to ask to see me
for an hour or so over the weekend. I thought it was nice of him to email
early in advance to make sure I was free. Was I right? Or he just wanted
to make sure he'd get laid?
Probably arranging his diary, your turn on
Monday.
Another age-old question I have: does a
guy have sex with a woman he's not attracted to? i.e. him sleeping with
me means he must be attracted to me physically?
Yes their are plenty of guys that do
this. I generally have a policy of only going out with women I find
attractive and only having sex with women once I've got to know
them. But I think I am in the minority of blokes. Most blokes
would not throw away the chance to have sex with any women. If she's
there on a plate, he will want to eat it. Good looking blokes may
have a tendency to be more choosy but still they will end up having sex
with women they are not attracted to.
does the fact that he made love to
me 4 times that night (the interval between the 1st 2 times was only 15,
20 mins) mean he was really attracted to me and enjoyed sex with me?
No. Just wanted to get you hooked, so he
could come back for more sessions when he felt like it.
Or does that just mean he has a high sex
drive or he's just physically very fit (as he works out a lot) and is
capable of performing?
People who don't work out a lot are
capable of performing too. It's just as much about desire to have
sex several times.
I was flattered that he made several
attempts to come round and see me after I'd said to him no every time.
But by ultimately saying no to him, would that hurt his ego, drive him
away and would he lose interest? Or quite the opposite? The harder we're
to get, the more keen they are?
No, most blokes know women play these
boring, predictable games. There's nothing much affecting his ego,
he is obviously a super confident man, and if you ditch him, he will have
many other women after him.
I'm so puzzled on the one hand, but on
the other hand, i can't help but feel that that guys are not complicated,
no need to find excuses for their behaviour. what you see is what it is,
no need to read between the lines.
Yes, women do read too much into guys
behaviour, this often distracts them from the obvious, the truth.
I shall endeavour to list what I think
are positive or negative things about him and positive or negative things
he did towards me:
Positives: 1. he and I were in different
rooms, I was telling him about something, but stopped because I sensed a
sneeze coming, he said: I'm listening.
2. We'd never touched each other (apart
from a goodbye kiss) prior to his coming over. During the time (2 hours)
before we went to bed to make love, he didn't touch me in a vulgar way,
just occasionally holding both of my hands. He claimed he was shy, but
see Negative (1).
A shy man does not hold someone's hands.
3. He complimented my beautiful legs and
said he liked my top.
Good, but anyone could say this.
4. He's a sensible guy: he told me how
irresponsible his colleague was (married with kids, yet splashing money
on a new car and doesn't own a home, renting all those years).
Yes these are qualities you want a man to
display.
5. When he noticed that I put my things
in an orderly fashion, he said: I'm like that too and then went on to tell
me how neat and tidy he is (trying to suggest something we have in
common?).
Yes he is trying to win you over.
6. Before we went to bed, I was busy
packing things for the next morning. He was sitting there watching me and
I said are you ok, do you need anything. He said just you, when you
finish packing.
He's being flirty and funny.
7. When we were in bed, he couldn't keep
his hands off my body. I do have a nice one :-)
Well, if he is very sensual, then maybe he
is good at sex, but he might also be sensual with other women.
8. He was very gentle, loving and caring
when we made love. He said in a quiet, gentle voice: let me know if it
hurts, ok? ... are you sure [it doesn't hurt]? tell me if it does, ok?
(No, i wasn't a virgin & I think I should spare the details!)
He's starting to sound like a nice guy,
now.
9. He emailed me 3 days after that night
to say hi.
Not good, why take as long as 3 days.
10. He emailed me on a Monday to ask what
I'd be doing over the weekend (instead of last-minute notice).
Anyone could do this.
Negative: 1. He likes clubbing and met
most of his previous girlfriends in bars/clubs.
Most guys that play around a lot do use
nightclubs, to attract their victims.
2. He never calls me. We just email.
Not really that negative.
3. After that night, there was a period
of a week when he'd not been in touch.
So he got back in touch when he wanted
sex.
4. He'd rather go to a party than
spending Sat night with me (though he suggested coming over at 4pm, i
said no. he then suggested 7.30pm).
So women can play hard to get, but men
can't. But really yes, who gives a toss about a party if you've got
a woman waiting for you.
5. Should i have hidden my love for
classical music? I bet almost every guy is put off by that. Anyway, he
knows about it now.
Not sure, classic music lovers, really put
off a guy. Particularly if they are really good looking classical music
lovers.
I read from your answers that guys have a
high sex drive (so do I: I'd love to have sex 3 times a day or more) and
since one woman can't satisfy their needs, they go somewhere else.
However, I don't think that's the reason. I think they just want to do it
with different women.
Most men want to have more sex and more
variety than women. They can't get sex from one woman whenever they want
it and they can't fulfill all their fantasies with one women, because
most women are very fussy with their sexual preferences.
That's all. Should I convey to him that I
have a high sex drive and would love to have regular sex with him?
Not a good idea, he is just going to use
you for sex. Then dispose of you and then win you back again when
he wants more sex.
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