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sheera1 on 17/05/2006
For almost 4 years I have been thinking
about the same man, in ways that I have never experienced. It all began
the first time a saw him, we did not talk but from then on I knew I
wanted to get to know him better. Once we had actually met through a
mutual friend, we seemed to click, but the draw back was that the two of
us were in long term relationships both with children to consider.
Due to the fact that the friend in
question had asked him to be his best man and myself to be the chief
bridesmaid at their wedding we built up a friendship of sort, and
eventually it became clear that we were both equally attracted to one and
other, but there was still the question of each others partners. Neither
of us were happy in our relationships and were together only for the
childrens sake so the inevitable happened and the relation ships broke
down.
I can clearly state that my feelings for
the other person had nothing to do with the breakdown of my relationship,
in that it had disintegrated long before hand. The other man and myself
hardly see each other and if so only through special occasions or at
weekends when we might bump into one and other, but each time i see him i
feel an insatiable need for him so much that one night a few months ago
we ended up having sex. It was completely out of the blue and exciting
but nothing like I imagined it would be. In the morning things took on a
completely new light when travelling back home he made no attempt to make
speak or look at me which tore through my heart like a dagger.
Sounds like he was going through a guilt
trip, where all that could go through his mind was he made a mistake
having sex with you. When men don't speak and don't make eye
contact after sex, that is usually because they are going through a guilt
trip. By guilt trip I mean "I shouldn't have had sex with her,
but I just couldn't stop myself".
I got his number from the friend and text
him asking if everything was ok, which he responded to with yes. The week
later i saw him and we ended up kissing, but later on in the evening he
was chasing an other girl in full view of me this devastated me.
This obviously means he doesn't value you
enough, even if he does fancy you.
I wanted to know how I stood so i text
him again, this time i asked why he did such a thing and that it hurt me.
That would give the guy the creeps, even
if he did fancy you, he doesn't want someone he is not having a
relationship with yet, to be giving him a lecture.
He replied that he and his wife had just
split up and he did not want commitment which i too felt.
Yes I agree, that after having a long term
relationship, the last thing you want is to jump into another
relationship. But if this guy really fancied you all these years
then he would have jumped at the chance of being with you.
I responded with this and that was the
last I have heard from him.
You are very unlikely to get a reply,
because he won't want to make the confrontation worse.
I dont know what to do now cause this
weekend our friends are planning a night out and i know that the two of
us will be there too.
I would say go out and pretend he is not
there. Make no effort to see him and make no effort to contact him
in any way. What might happen is he gets drunk and is desperate for
sex and then latches onto you again and wins you over. You don't
want to do that because he has hurt you once and is likely to hurt you
again if you end up getting back with him. Men should not be given
second chances unless you have been together for a long time. Which
in this case you haven't been together for a long time.
I cant help feeling that he used me for
some cheap easy drunken sex,
By what you said, it sounds as though he
did.
but at the same time I cannot stop
thinking about him first thing in the morning and when i go to bed and
every minute in between,
You need to realise this guy has treat you
badly and is not going to have any long term potential. It is time
to move on, there are plenty of other men, there's no point in dwelling
on one idiot, find someone else.
when i see him my heart flutters and I
feel sick i go week ant the knees and i feel the blood rush through my
veins.
It takes a long time to get over people
you have fancied or have been close too. But believe me, you will
eventually find someone far better, if you make the effort.
I know that i've used every cliché in the
book but its all so true. I still want him after all this what is the
matter with me especially after four years of all this, should I tell him
how I feel
No definitely not, if he doesn't like you
he will try his best to avoid you, because men don't particularly like
emotional stuff. If he does like you, which would be unusual by the
way he has treated you and you start blurting out emotional stuff, you
will more than likely give him the creeps and he will be off. To me
I don't understand why you are even considering being with this guy by
the way he has treated you.
or will this add to his ego trip and make
myself look even more foolish, if I dont how will I know how he really
feels and if all the heartache is worth at at all.
Definitely not worth it, find someone else
and yes his ego will be boosted and he will be calling you a stalker to
his friends if you start trying to get back with him.
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