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shoegallover on 09/04/2006
i met a guy last summer who i was not
instantly attracted to, but he is really good looking, and for some
reason it took me a while to realise i was attracted to him. we met
through mutual friends and he approached me early in the evening. we
spent the entire evening engrossed in each other, oblivious to our
friends around us. he does magic tricks as a hobbie, so he spent the
whole evening teaching me some. later we watched tv on the sofa. he
tickled and playfully teased me the whole time, then touching my leg as
he got up. we were sitting very close and because i'd had a bit to drink,
i felt quite hot and flustered, so i needed space and moved away. he took
this to mean i was not interested.
I would naturally think, you are not
interested too, if you did this.
5mins later he said he was going to walk
home (it was midnight and he lived 5 mins from this friend's house). when
he had left everyone rattled off at me saying it was obvious how much he
had liked me. i got his number from another of his mates and texted him
to make sure he wa! s ok. he said yes and said he wanted to see me again-
suggested meeting up if i wanted to. i did. we met the next week a went
to a party where we kissed and got know each other better. we met again 2
days later and started going out.
This all sounds very positive, from a
relationship point of view. You have not given him any sex, yet he
is still devoted to getting to know you. To me that signals a guy
who really fancies you, rather than a guy who wants to use you for sex.
I definitely don't think you have done the wrong thing, by being cautious
and indeed not really finding him attractive at first, because a woman or
a man should not rush into their judgements.
after 5 weeks together he texted me (a
nice text) saying he would soon be working all weekend, so we'd never
find the time to see each other and it wouldn't be fair on either of us.
i said i understood and asked if he wanted to stay friends. he said he'd
love to cause he thinks i'm great. i only realised how much i liked him
after we broke up,
Typical woman, you only fancy a guy when
he puts himself beyond your reach.
but i am over him and just genuinely want
to be friends. the snag is we were not friends before we met - everything
moved too fast and i was way too physical. we never had sex, but got
quite far.
now, it is always me who initiates the
texts.
Men, very rarely initiate texts,
particularly in the early stages. I get so many women on this web
site, thinking men should initiate the texts. Maybe later on in a
relationship you might get a man initiating more texts. But
basically men, very rarely know what to say, women are also the
fussier and if you start texting a woman all the time, she generally
thinks he is too desperate or too keen and therefore lose interest in
him. Men very rarely think women are desperate if they text them,
they are just chuffed that this woman is really interested in texting me.
It's only when you have a more established
relationship and he doesn't initiate texts that you should be more
worried. Or if he doesn't reply to your texts at all, that is a bad
sign. If he just texts you only when he wants sex, that's another
bad sign.
Men can't multitask, so if he's at work
he's busy, if he's on his break and he has time he will text you.
He can't work and think about texting at the same time, he's either doing
one task or the other, not both at once. Multitasking just doesn't
work at all for most men.
though he says he wants to stay friends,
he never seems to make the effort. i told him this and he said he would
promise to make the effort in future. however, i have seen no evidence of
this.
He still hardly knows you, and you have been
a bit cool with him. Why should he make more effort? If he
thinks your less than interested in him. If he sees that you are
interested in him making an effort, he might make an effort. You
have to remember that he might be a bit dented and unsure about whether
you fancy him, after you made a sharp movement away from him that
night. I personally don't think you made the wrong decision by
doing that, because it was too soon for sex. But to a man that
would dent his confidence a bit. And give him the impression that
you maybe not that interested in him, which you weren't at the time by
the sounds of it.
we are both 17, and go to different
schools, so it is hard to meet up. we ! have only met once since the
breakup and he brought his mate along who is a mutual friend, as to make
it less awkward. however, we didnt talk much - i talked mostly to the
other. i know how much my ex liked me when we first got together.
Not every man is the same and some men who
try to change the way they behave with women after some experience in
relationships. For example if they have been very keen with one
woman and she ditched him, he might think he will try a different way
next time.
he would do anything for me, but i am now
doubting if he genuinely wants to stay friends, and is just reassuring me
he does so as not to hurt my feelings.
It's possible that he fancied you, and
then thought you don't fancy him. So he then went away and thought
lots of bad things about you, to convince himself that you were not right
for him anyway (She's probably a bitch anyway, that sort of
thing!). Or he is maybe just a bit confused about how you feel
about him, and so he doesn't want to commit too much, until you seem a
bit more sure and he seems a bit more sure about you. It seems to me
he is mimicking your lack of enthusiasm for him. Or maybe he
is thinking, I stopped being keen with her and now she is taking notice
of me, so if I continue not showing too much interest it will make you
even more keen to clinch him. I am only guessing here, I can't
possibly give you an accurate answer.
i know he would never intentionally set
out to hurt me. do you think the reason he is having trouble
communicating is because he still fancies me, or because he just can't be
bothered. i have a friend who is in the same situation with her ex. is it
perhaps just notorious ambiguity on guy's parts, or do you think there
are other reasons for his lack of effort?
To me, if he really fancies you he should
be making a bit of effort. Not completely devoted effort at this
stage, because it is still early in the relationship, he is still sussing
you out and you are still working him out. Your lack of effort is
unlikely to convince him, that he should make any significant effort,
because he will think your not sure about him.
By the sounds of what you are saying, I
think your situation is turning out to be a bit of a farce. He was
keen at first and you weren't, then he stopped been keen and then you
suddenly wanted him. Now he is showing no effort at all. Whenever
people fall in love with each other, it tends to be an instinctive thing,
were both of you go through the same stages at roughly the same
time. You are basically synchronized with each other. It
seems that you two are doing the complete opposite to each other all the
time, which in conclusion does not sound good for your long term
future. Maybe you should move on, it sounded good when you told me,
he had waited to have sex with you. And maybe you can get together
now and have some sort of relationship, but I would say you will probably
end up with a lack of synchronization with each other in the long term.
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